Wednesday, May 30, 2007
And A Little Salty, Too
Similar to butter in texture and appearance
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
Monday, May 28, 2007
The Horrible Boob-Morphing Bra
sung to the tune of gilligan's island
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of some lovely tits
That started out just looking fine
And then soon gave me fits
The left was a mighty boob of note
The right one perky too
The pair of them had many fans
And I liked them too, and I sure liked them too
I had to go outside one day
I firmly set my jaw
I looked in the dresser for my underwear
And found a strange black bra, and found a strange black bra
The bra was black and engulfed in lace, the contours they were fine
Some lycra too
Some ribbons too and a bow
Some hooks of steel
The fiberfill and bits of foam
Here on RabbitBoob Isle
So this is the tale of the breasts of bun
Been here for a long, long time
We’ve had to make the best of things
They’re sure in decline
I wore it to the the Super Store
I went to get some food
And little did I know right then
I’d better have gone nude
I went to get a box of juice
From the very lowest shelf
And when I stood right back up
I didn’t believe myself
My boobs had started sliding forth
And when I stood back up
I realized that each boob of mine
Had sprung another pup
And so I stood there quite aghast
All four-breasted was I
I didn’t know what I should do
I thought I’d like to die
I grabbed a handy spatula
And scooped the things back in
I paid for the juice and got right out
They won't let me back again
So take this as a warning tale
When putting on your bra
If you don't know where the hell it came from
Leave it in the cah (with a nod to my friends from Bahstun)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Does This Shawl Make My Ass Look Fat?
Actually it does.
This was originally a full-length shot of the part of Kiri that I've completed, however I realized after I uploaded it that a) we tend to be a clothing-optional household, b) the shawl reaches to my tailbone already and c) y'all don't need to see my underpants.
And now I have to wonder ... is it good or bad that my kid doesn't see anything wrong with taking pictures of my ass so I can put it on my blog?
And is it really wise to contemplate another repeat of this shawl when it's that long already and I haven't added the edging or blocked it?
(Oh, it is? Good, thanks! Can't have a shawl too big, in my books).
Saturday, May 26, 2007
All That Stands Between Humanity and Destruction
Oh, it's been a day, indeed, and if it weren't for the beauteous elixir in this cup (given to me by Emma and touched by no hands in this household but mine, upon pain of death), there would likely be bodies strewn about the land.
Actually the day has been about four days long, which I think is one of the things that was wrong with it in the first place. When your day is more than 24 hours long, there's something amiss.
It's been a really rough week. Very little sleep, very cranky child (I mean every. single. day. And manipulative? Oy!), husband quitting his job before having a new one, attack of the amazing boob-morphing brassiere and so on.
Oh yes, and moths. Fortunately all they seemed to be in was a bag of Dorset fleece I had washed and that was quickly consigned to the great outdoors. Everything else precious was in boxes and bags, including Kiri, which I really have been knitting on, and of which there will be a photo tomorrow, unless I happen to throw my photographer off a bridge or something.
Anyhow, before I start sounding like I should be locked up, I'm going to bed. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped me get through this week.
It was pretty damned close some days. I appreciate it.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Look! Over Here!
In a vain attempt to distract you all from the fact that I've chosen to clean my insanely filthy house (this involves mostly just drinking enough so I don't notice the dirt) rather than write a post of any substance, I shall now flash some stash at you. And also too some proof that I sort-of knit.
This utterly edible skein of yarn is one of a pair that the insanely-generous Emma sent to me as part of the Favorite Color Swap 2. Except that being as how we both know how to spell, we had the Favourite Colour Swap 2. It's cashmere DK weight from Posh Yarn and because I'm borrowing my father's shitty camera (my shitty camera is beyond repair) this picture doesn't even begin to do it justice. Fortunately cashmere is turning out to be very, very forgiving, which is good as I've had to rip the toe of this sock out three times. I'm hoping to cast on the fourth attempt tonight, seeing I have now figured out that you don't have to make socks large enough to fit over swimfins.
And this is hopefully proof that I occasionally sort of knit at least half of something. This is handspun alpaca/silk sent to me by the quietly burbling Farm Witch (be kind to her, it's spring and she lives on a farm. 'nuff said).
It's a pattern I made up myself (or rather "unvented"). Basically it's a tube with a vertical buttonhole in it, for my thumb. Which is why it probably looks like a tube. With a vertical buttonhole in it. For my thumb.
This is very warm and I actually HAVE cast on the second one. I'm knitting it on big needles so it's a fast knit. Which means I'll probably have it done by the time my daughter has me committed to the State Home for The Terminally Bewildered. Which may well be soon.
And now, back to sniffing toilet-bowl cleaner ...
more goodies tomorrow. unless i fall in
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Psst! Hey You!
Bet you thought I hadn't been knitting at all, what with all of this working and coffeeing and filthy commerce I've been indulging in, didn't you?
As well as the magnificent washcloth I made for Jayne, I've been working on Kiri. Remember Kiri? The Kiri that I so proudly boasted that I could knit, drunk, in 16 days?
The Kiri I didn't manage to finish?
Well, the best-laid plans and all of that. But I've recovered from the shame of yet another unmet goal and have picked up the challenge (and the lace) again. I'm up to row 126, so I have either one and a half or two and a half repeats left to go until the edging, depending on how the yarn holds out.
According to Ann's calculations, this shawl is going to be something like nine feet wide by the time I'm done. I think perhaps the math and I are having a difference of opinion again. Let's hope it's a little smaller than that.
No progress pix tonight as I'm stealth-blogging, however I'll try for one tomorrow. Seems that The Fastest Knitter in the Universe is making one of these things too. I'll bet it don't take her no year and a half to finish.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Fun with Dick and Jayne
Well, as promised, I met with Jayne for coffee this morning.
She's way cool, and we had fun, including an exchange of wooly goodness (I think I got the better end of the deal, but don't tell her that!).
So yes, fun with Jayne. Unfortunately it would appear that I'm a bit of a Dick and didn't manage to get the store updated today. There have been a couple of small blips on the radar Chez Lapin and I've been having trouble sleeping. Well, the stress coupled with the huge coffee that I thought it would be sensible to have this morning seem to have worked to let me get a whole two hours of sleep today. Could have been as much as three, but it was in about five instalments so basically I'm running on empty here.
Tomorrow in the store there will be maybe a dozen skeins of "Burly Wool" in various shades of blue, some worsted weight in red, some sock yarn in blues and purples, and some utterly hideous pink I was embarrassed to discover in my studio this week, and which I have no recollection of dyeing. (Yes, almost the exact same pink as the fluorescent laceweight I recently sold. I think I need an intervention here.)
Stitch markers and orifice hooks should be showing up shortly, also. Who knows what else?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The podcast is up! I haven't had time to go listen to it, myself, so if I'm not faboo please don't tell me.
Tomorrow I get to go meet with blogger and wool-dyer extraordinaire Jayne, and then get someone who's been annoying me fired, and then update the store! (I may not manage to get the firing part done, but the rest ... for sure.
And now to work.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Bad Night at Work
I had a bad night at work last night, and I wasn't even at work, but we're a small group in our department and we talk.
Due to privacy issues I can't talk about what happened. I likely shouldn't even know what happened ... but as I say, we talk.
All I can say is go hug your family today. Go put kisses on all of them. And if you have kids, find out what they're doing, even if they don't want you to know. Stalk your teenagers, dammet!
I had a whole list of shit I was going to do today, but it's all gone. *boomf*, just like that.
I'm going to spend the entire day smooching on my kid. I'll get to the Post Office on Tuesday. Y'all can wait, there's smooching going on here.
Now go do some, yourself. Smooch and hug on your friends, too. It's the only way we're going to get through this mess.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Vow of Silence
Bet you thought I'd fallen down the outhouse or something, no?
I haven't taken a vow of silence, I just had a tough week involving The Cold of Doom and also The Wall of Stench (with thanks to Phil Spector who seems to be having a hard time also these days.)
There will be a post explaining all very shortly, but in the meantime please be assured I'm alive and well and cussing up a storm.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I Has A Mittnz
If you've got a minute or three to make a mitten (or three, or sixteen) in the next four months, please consider doing so and donating them to Ann's cause.
Really. Mittings for little kids don't take long. Even I might manage a pair.
We will tolerate no mentions of my complete lack of knitting of anything but dishcloths and a pair of socks this year at this point. I can make mittens. And shall.
And besides, I'm donating a prize so shut up.
Go knit a mitten and quit picking on me, k?
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Store is up and running.
There isn't a lot there yet, but I'll be updating daily for the next few weeks.
The weight is also wonky, it's working in pounds instead of grams but I messed with the shipping settings so the shipping prices are right. And the package that says 480 lbs will actually be just under one pound. Ain't techmology grand? (no that is not a typo.)
Thanks to everyone who has shown such interest, and to everyone who's put up with my endless whining. (and to the five Bloglines subscribers I lost during this entire painful process, you are all poo-poo heads. *g*)
This is a huge relief. I'm going to put in a link on my sidebar, and then stop talking about it here. There are more important things to discuss. Like knitting.
Tomorrow we shall discuss lace. Lace, and whether or not I think I can finish Kiri for the 2010 Olympics, seeing I failed so miserably last year.
And now to try to take some better photos, 'cause everything looks like ass, and then get off to work.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Tick ... Tick ... Tick
That's the countdown clock.
Thanks to my Man in Japan we got the software working (yes, I let him fondle my FTP from afar). I think the store will be up and running by the end of the day.
And now I just have to take pictures of stuff, see if I can link to a Canada Post rate calculator, fix the checkout, change the banner (which I can't for the love of Pete get worked out, and believe me I'm not loving Pete much at all right now) and bla bla bla ...
While you're waiting, why don't you go visit Dorothy. She's running in the Relay for Life to raise money for cancer research. Her husband laughed at her when she said she was going to try to raise $2,000. Let's show him he's a poo-poo head (thank you, Ryan, for that incredibly mature term!)
There are prizes (and will be more once I get this sock stuff into the dyepot ... oh sweet FSM, that's one more thing I have to do this afternoon.)
exit stage left, screaming quietly all the way
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Well. The shopping cart software says I've installed it. My hosting service says I've installed it.
However, apparently I've installed it backwards or something and I'm locked out. I suspect that I may have installed it so that everyone BUT me can go in and alter the settings.
Um, we may try this again later. However the store may not be open until Monday if I can't get this worked out and have to get my resident WebBastard to do it for me.
I'm gigglesnorting madly. It's quite fun to be me, you know.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Well, things either just got very good or very bad. It's sort of hard to know which.
Our babysitter had to cancel on us once too often and Ben lost half of his job yesterday 'cause we didn't have any backup childcare. So now he's working his ugly and hideously-underpaid job only two days a week instead of four, seeing they hired someone who can actually show up (which is something I wish I'd thought of, myself).
No need to lament, we're tough and will get this fixed up right quick. He's looking for something else (and has been for weeks) and my online store is going to open Sunday come hell or high water, but dude. Not quite the news I'd planned on hearing this week.
Seeing I have no plans to quit drinking, and in fact may well have to step it up a fair bit because of this, I think I'm just going to have to stop feeding the family. And, in the meantime, I'm going to knit.
No, not washcloths. Lace, believe it or not.
And now you ~know~ I'm in shock.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Thanks, all, for your comments yesterday. My kidlet is much better and is back at school. She was, in fact, better five minutes after taking some kids' ibuprofen.
Unfortunately I think that shit is about 80% sugar and so she spent the next hour explaining to me that they call it Aspirin because it tastes like ASS. I finally passed out despite the noise bellowing forth from the boob tube. I'm pretty sure she was watching Teenage Mutant Prostitute Magic Dance Party with Dragons. Or something.
The shows sort of all run together when you're that tired.
I'm still exhausted today (funny thing about that) and I'm finding the world a startlingly irritating place. Even more so than usual.
And so, an open memo to some of the people who are annoying me:
Dear Stupid People: Please stop being stupid right now. If you can't stop being stupid, please get right the fuck off the road because if I see one more person pull into the intersection while gazing blankly to the right (especially if it is a one-way street and I am approaching from the left) I will get out of my piece of shit van and beat you to death with my anti-theft device (which I am no longer attaching to my steering wheel as I pray daily to whatever deity is listening that someone will steal my van, or at least set it on fire).
Dear People Who Are Sick: Please stop working in customer service positions until you are better. Or at least stop sniffling and then handing me my change. If I wasn't so broke that I needed that $13 back urgently I would have made you put it in one of those really annoying charity collection tins you keep beside the cash register.
Oh, and while I'm at it, Dear People Who Are Collecting Money For Charity: Please do not stand outside my grocery store/liquor store/crack house and ask me for money. I do not have any. I have just spent it on eggs/beer/crack. If I am going to send your charity money I shall do so. I am an adult and can find who and where you are if I am so moved. Harassing me doesn't make me feel any more kindly-disposed toward your cause. And if you beg after I refuse, please note that I shall call both the store manager and the charity you represent and inform them that I am going to beat you to death with my vehicular anti-theft device. Seeing I have it out anyhow for those drivers, and all.
Dear Politicians Who Think It Would Be OK To Award Yourselves Raises in the 29-54% Range: No. This is my money and you may not have it. If I cannot stop you committing this act of obscenity, I can at least refuse to approve of it.
One of the arguments is that these folks are behind most other provinces and territories with regard to remuneration. I've seen reports that in fact they're only very slightly behind two provinces and/or territories and ahead of the other seven. Not sure which to believe and frankly I'm just too damned tired to research it. I do know they all make about twice what I do. (That's twice what I make while working two jobs and selling sheepstring. But I digress. Again.) And baby, someone's gotta be last. Might as well be you.
Another argument is that "this is important work and the people who do it should be adequately compensated for such work".
They knew what the wage was going in. This wasn't work they were asked to do; they all actively sought it.
Last place I worked, also important work and also paid with public money, we didn't get a raise of any sort for eleven years. You can bet my rent didn't stay the same for those eleven years, baby.
Place I work now (and where I believe we also do important work)? I knew the wage going in there, too. And I actively sought the position, never expecting a 29% raise at any point.
Two years ago, however, we were scheduled under our contract to get a 4% raise, which would have been nice. This government, after saying that they would not tear up any union contracts, tore up the contract. Not only did we not receive the 4% (which I would have been disappointed about, but could have lived with) they ALSO rolled our wages (which I had known going in and for which I had agreed to work) back to the tune of 15%, forcing many people to take a second job, work unwanted overtime, or do some seriously fancy fiscal footwork.
This year we got a 2% raise and were happy to get it.
So I'd be perfectly pleased if those same whining politicians gave themselves the same deal they gave me.
Yes. I'd be satisfied if they took a 17% cut. And just to show I'm a team player, I wouldn't even ask for it to be retroactive.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go dye more sheepstring in the hope that I can afford my kid's dental work.
And maybe while I'm at it, I'll just bend over and grab my ankles and wait for them to approve their own raises.
Apparently sometimes you just gotta take it up the ass.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
No Rants For You!
Kid's at home sick with her third earache in the space of a couple of weeks. We've got an appointment with a specialist coming up in a couple of weeks, but in the meantime I'm gonna go and be all maternal and stuff instead of entertaining you.
There's still tomorrow ...
Monday, May 07, 2007
Clearly there is something wrong in my life, when I really can't see any need to buy new shoes because it's a frivolous expense and these ones can last until December (which is the month in which I usually buy shoes, but I skipped it last year) but I have no problem whatsoever with seriously considering paying $127 for a kick-ass drop spindle. Dude, I have a great need for #14. And about 9 of the others.
Bonkers, I am.
I also need some of the new spindles over at the Mouse House. Funny thing? I have a Turkish drop spindle already. And I can't actually spin on a spindle. It would appear that I am a covetous whore. Either that or this whole yarn diet thingie is getting to me.
The podcast recording is finished and although I don't know if it's quite what she wanted I think it'll be up in a couple of days. I'll post a link when it's ready.
I've done enough dyeing and whining and running in circles for a bit. Tonight I think I'm actually going to knit for ~me~. Wish me luck trying to find Kiri ... thought I might take a whirl at finishing that puppy up.
Because, you know, every girl needs to wear a cashmere shawl while working in a filthy basement.
stay tuned, there may be a drunken rant tomorrow about some asshole politicians who think they deserve a 29-54% raise out of my money
Saturday, May 05, 2007
That's More Like It
This picture is way better.
Thank you for the kind comments yesterday. If you're in the area, check back again some time. I'm going to be updating every few days. There are another 15-20 skeins just waiting to be dry enough to wrap up and put in the window.
As for yesterday, some folks have asked why Birkeland couldn't sell the wool for me. I'm renting the space, they're not selling for me. Seeing they're getting a (very) minimal rent, they're not making any profit from this, so collecting money on my behalf would make more work for them without giving them a whole lot of benefit.
There's a sign in the window explaining it now, so the staff doesn't get swarmed again. Although really ... if there's another tour bus coming through, I hope I'm in the neighbourhood next time! Although I couldn't re-fill the entire window overnight, I'm pretty sure I could fake it.
And now, to get the kid into bed, and cast a pod ...
Friday, May 04, 2007
Never try to take a picture of a window on a sunny day.
Here's a very bad picture -- but believe me the other one is worse -- of my tiny pile of wool in the Birkeland window.
I've got tons more and am going to spend my entire night skeining stuff up, seeing there seems to be some interest. They say they've given out tons of my business cards, and I got a call from a lady today from a freakin' TOUR BUS out of Seattle -- full of knitters -- who were standing in the store, very peeved that they couldn't buy out the entire window.
Guess I'm not a hack after all, despite my fears.
Another ten skeins in the dyepots, just about to turn the heat off and head out to work. Hoping to open the online store this weekend, but yeah, I'm also hoping to learn to fly.
Oh they're coming to take me away ...
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Just A Quickie
I disapprove. Of pretty much everything.
With thanks to my favourite bunni.
Truth be told, I don't actually disapprove of much. Things are good right now, if busy. Wool is selling, work is shutting up, bills are getting paid. Nobody's helping me in the house but I'm close to the point of not caring right now. Hubby's job is so sucktacular that I'm expecting him to either quit or be fired any day now. That happens, he can clean the damned house. Until then I shall just require visitors to bring their own shovels.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Wool and a Book Review
I put a little more wool into the window at Birkeland today (there's about 30-35 skeins in there now I think). I have a few more things to add to the pile of wool but Friday or Saturday there will be pictures.
(And fridge magnets with Ben's cartoons on them which will also be available in my store, the opening of which will hopefully be during the week of May 14 to 18 and about which I can hopefully soon stop harping on, as this was not intended to be a "sell-my-shit" blog at all. Although I'm not quite sure what it was intended to be so, you know, that may serve as well as anything.)
There may not be pictures of some laceweight gone horribly wrong. Um, unless there's someone out there who is craving over 1100 yards of electric-plastic-barbie-pink superwash merino in laceweight. I can't decide whether to try to sell it, to overdye it, or to keep it and make a shawl and actually wear it because I so would. But it's vile.
I've been working really really hard for the last couple of weeks, so as a treat tonight I decided that during my downtime at work I would knit some dishcloths (no, I don't love them as much as I seem to, but someone I like very much at my "other" work has asked for another four of them, so I figured I might as well) and read a book.
I explained to Ben the other day that DH usually meant "dickhead" rather than "dear husband", information which he accepted manfully (and in full awareness of the deservedness of such a title) however he's been fantastic the last few weeks, taking E to the liberry (and did you know if you call it that you have to pay them a nickel? Me either, but Ben's been collecting it from me for some time ...) every Wednesday and in addition to getting books and movies for himself and for MissyMoo, he's been picking up a few books that he thought I would like.
He's usually right on the money, getting things such as Sue Grafton's latest (S is for Silence. I'm waiting for the day she runs out of words and am eagerly anticipating T is for Titferret, but I digress) and stuff by Robert Parker and Terry Pratchett and oh, all sorts of fun stuff.
Unfortunately, today he got "Feel This Book" by Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Ms. Garofalo but being full of angst and fury and dysfunctional family shit myself, I can see where she's coming from and sometimes find her moderately amusing. I don't know much about Mr. Stiller although I've heard that ... well ... he sucks. Anyhow, I've found on more than one occasion that I've absolutely loved a book or movie that everyone else has dissed three ways to Sunday so I thought I'd give it a try.
Truly, I believe that performing my own hysterectomy (no, I'm not having one) without anaesthetic would have been a more delightful experience. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be taking out a contract on both Mr. Stiller and on Ms. Garofalo. They should never be allowed to speak, write, or breathe air again. (note to the ministry, this is a joke. i can't afford a hit man. or woman. go away)
I suspected there might be a problem when, on page one, the reader was invited to "pour" over the book, rather than pore over it. Sadly, it turns out that this was sage advice, as had I decanted my coffee across the book rather than into my mouth I might have been spared the pain of the next 20 or 30 pages I somehow managed to lurch through.
Let's just say that Robert Silverberg's "House of Skulls" or possibly even the Greater Vancouver Area Telephone Book (both of which I fortuitously have with me) will be my preferred reading for the rest of this shift.
And to think trees were killed for that ...
(next time i'll tell you how i really feel)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Got some wool in the window of Birkeland today. Not as much as I'd have liked, as this entire week has been A Series of Unfortunate Events, but it's there!
wooHOO! I guess this means I have a real business now.
More wool is going in tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to sleep.
Yes, sleep. I actually do that sometimes.