Thursday, May 10, 2007


Titwad Thursday

Thanks, all, for your comments yesterday. My kidlet is much better and is back at school. She was, in fact, better five minutes after taking some kids' ibuprofen.

Unfortunately I think that shit is about 80% sugar and so she spent the next hour explaining to me that they call it Aspirin because it tastes like ASS. I finally passed out despite the noise bellowing forth from the boob tube. I'm pretty sure she was watching Teenage Mutant Prostitute Magic Dance Party with Dragons. Or something.

The shows sort of all run together when you're that tired.

I'm still exhausted today (funny thing about that) and I'm finding the world a startlingly irritating place. Even more so than usual.

And so, an open memo to some of the people who are annoying me:

Dear Stupid People: Please stop being stupid right now. If you can't stop being stupid, please get right the fuck off the road because if I see one more person pull into the intersection while gazing blankly to the right (especially if it is a one-way street and I am approaching from the left) I will get out of my piece of shit van and beat you to death with my anti-theft device (which I am no longer attaching to my steering wheel as I pray daily to whatever deity is listening that someone will steal my van, or at least set it on fire).

Dear People Who Are Sick: Please stop working in customer service positions until you are better. Or at least stop sniffling and then handing me my change. If I wasn't so broke that I needed that $13 back urgently I would have made you put it in one of those really annoying charity collection tins you keep beside the cash register.

Oh, and while I'm at it, Dear People Who Are Collecting Money For Charity: Please do not stand outside my grocery store/liquor store/crack house and ask me for money. I do not have any. I have just spent it on eggs/beer/crack. If I am going to send your charity money I shall do so. I am an adult and can find who and where you are if I am so moved. Harassing me doesn't make me feel any more kindly-disposed toward your cause. And if you beg after I refuse, please note that I shall call both the store manager and the charity you represent and inform them that I am going to beat you to death with my vehicular anti-theft device. Seeing I have it out anyhow for those drivers, and all.

Dear Politicians Who Think It Would Be OK To Award Yourselves Raises in the 29-54% Range: No. This is my money and you may not have it. If I cannot stop you committing this act of obscenity, I can at least refuse to approve of it.

One of the arguments is that these folks are behind most other provinces and territories with regard to remuneration. I've seen reports that in fact they're only very slightly behind two provinces and/or territories and ahead of the other seven. Not sure which to believe and frankly I'm just too damned tired to research it. I do know they all make about twice what I do. (That's twice what I make while working two jobs and selling sheepstring. But I digress. Again.) And baby, someone's gotta be last. Might as well be you.

Another argument is that "this is important work and the people who do it should be adequately compensated for such work".



They knew what the wage was going in. This wasn't work they were asked to do; they all actively sought it.

Last place I worked, also important work and also paid with public money, we didn't get a raise of any sort for eleven years. You can bet my rent didn't stay the same for those eleven years, baby.

Place I work now (and where I believe we also do important work)? I knew the wage going in there, too. And I actively sought the position, never expecting a 29% raise at any point.

Two years ago, however, we were scheduled under our contract to get a 4% raise, which would have been nice. This government, after saying that they would not tear up any union contracts, tore up the contract. Not only did we not receive the 4% (which I would have been disappointed about, but could have lived with) they ALSO rolled our wages (which I had known going in and for which I had agreed to work) back to the tune of 15%, forcing many people to take a second job, work unwanted overtime, or do some seriously fancy fiscal footwork.

This year we got a 2% raise and were happy to get it.

So I'd be perfectly pleased if those same whining politicians gave themselves the same deal they gave me.

Yes. I'd be satisfied if they took a 17% cut. And just to show I'm a team player, I wouldn't even ask for it to be retroactive.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go dye more sheepstring in the hope that I can afford my kid's dental work.

And maybe while I'm at it, I'll just bend over and grab my ankles and wait for them to approve their own raises.

Apparently sometimes you just gotta take it up the ass.

Holy shit! Someone other than me is really cranky today. Apparently, I drive an invisible car. People pull out in front of me since they are in such a big ass hurry and then proceed to go minus 10 miles per hour. Move, people! The sooner I can get to my wine, the better off everyone will be. You go, girl!
Fancy Fiscal's the new mosh-pit, you know ;-)

And at my house this afternoon we'll be watching The Suite Life of Camp Lazlo with Ninja Ramen and Imaginary Friends.
Kewl rant.

Except I would add:
Dear People Who Can't Drive or Shop in the Grocery Store Without Talking on the Cell Phone:
Have a nice frosty mug of shut the fuck up.
I'm in a good mood, so there. I've set up our pool for the summer and am just waiting for enough water to start the pump. I did it all by myself. The other reason? I went and picked up a parking permit for the first full-time job I've had since getting laid off last fall.
Please add to the list, the asscar drivers who stop in traffic to let people turn left or gain access from a gas station. Not only is it really not that nice to the rest of the people who already earned their way into traffic, it's dangerous. Usually the recipient of kindness can't see all the lanes of traffic they must cross and I've seen many a near accident.

When I was in middle school, we had this joke where you'd ask a friend if she had an aspirin. If she said yes, and commenced to digging in her pocketbook to fetch it, you'd say "why don't you stick it out the window to cool it off?"

Obviously all relevant factors must be in place for this one to work, including cool weather.
Is it wrong that I'm still sniggering about the under-10-year-old finding the correlation between ass and aspirin?
Just remember, if the stupid people didn't exist, we would not have anyone to feed to the people eating martians when they we want them to hang out for a bit, so we can figure out how to get rid of the people eating martians.

Glad the kiddo is feeling better.
Glad kiddo is better too... But I am also secretly glad you're tired. Because I love me a good rant. And you rant with the best of 'em. Snork. Thank you very much.
Great rant! Thanks for summing it up so, um, nicely.
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