Friday, December 31, 2004



Not even January and I've finished FO #2. Fortunately for all of you I didn't even get to take a photograph. I finished a dishcloth at work last night and the woman who relieved me said that she liked them and jumped at my offer to make it her very own.

Bet y'all were scared you were going to get pictures of 74 dishcloths, three bunnies and a couple dozen hats, weren't you?

I'm on the graveyard again tonight (I love those shifts except when they're stuck in the MIDDLE of day shifts!) so who knows what might happen?

God, my life is exciting.

Thursday, December 30, 2004



Am I mental or did I get an email entitled "new knitter" and did I somehow erase it?

If so, um, I'm mental. Could you resend that? I am not being a cow, I was just in the middle of some sort of discussion with Ben and I deleted your message.


Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Stash Depletion Project and a Rant

Thanks, all, for your comments!

Caramel: Regarding the dishcloths, homeless shelters are screaming for them here in Vancouver. The ladies they serve often ask for facecloths and they have none. I'm going to donate some of the ones I make, after I've met our own need (and started a stash for next fall's craft show circuit). You might want to check in your area if there's a similar need.

Marlene, I have several patterns for finger puppets but I'm terrified of dpns, and yeah, I don't think it would convince my hubby that I'm making a sincere effort to de-stash.

I did, however, start a "Quick Knit Gift Scarf" which can be found here at Frugalhaus.

It's easy, it's quick, it seems to be pretty so far:

I'm using up some ACKrylic that I have -- Red Heart "Painted Desert" and some Bernat whatever the hell that is they sell in the "pounder" thingies. I have about 8" done so far and that took me an hour at work last night (while almost asleep and answering the phone) so I think I can get it done tonight. This one is for me, seeing I'm in urgent need of a scarf, however I think there may be a couple dozen done up for the shelters.

I have an entire evening free so I'm looking forward to some knitting time. I WAS looking forward to some dating time with my husband but my whore of a babysitter jammed out on me at the last minute.

For those of you who don't know, I work a pretty damned brutal schedule. I work Monday to Friday 8:30 to 4 at an institute of higher learning and then pick up anywhere from 500-900 hours a year of "other" work at a couple of hospiddles. The IHL is closed from Dec. 23 to Jan 3, inclusive. This theoretically gives me 11 days in a row, si? I have, however, during that time taken on eight shifts at the hospiddles, two of which were on Xmoose day (to pay for school next term) and cooked the Christmas dinner and had everyone here. I therefore have something like three days off during this entire holiday.

I'm in school part time and my hubby is in school full time. We won't mention the 50+ hours a month I spend on this charity.

Oh yeah, and of course there's Her Surreal Highness. (And no, this list isn't in order of importance. If it was, she'd be at the top. Duh.)

No, I'm not whining. This is entirely by choice -- nobody is holding a gun to my head -- but as I said it's a pretty brutal schedule and I appreciate whatever help I can get to get through it.

Anyhow, Jenn (who will hereafter be referred to as "assface") owes me about six or seven hours of babysitting (as well as several tanks of gasoline) for all of the times that I've lent her money and also lent her my van without question.

She agreed yesterday to take Her Surreal Highness for a few hours so that my husband and I could have our first evening alone since September. We were going to indulge in such outrageous and unreasonable behaviour as walking around downtown, eating pizza and maybe stopping for a beer. I guess seeing I wasn't going to be paying her for it and my van is sick (needs a water pump) so she can't drive it, I have nothing more left that she wants, so she cancelled on me at the last minute, because she "had to do laundry".

Did I mention she was a whore?

Ah well, enough ranting, I have most of the yarn in North America, food in the fridge for a good dinner (pasta, pepperoni, tomato sauce and feta and then maybe garlic toast or something) and an absolutely kick-ass bottle of wine (Valdivieso Pinot Noir Reserve -- not usually something one would eat with pepperoni pasta but what the fuck?) and a couple of new DVDs to watch (Clerks X, Finding Forrester) so maybe tonight won't be a write-off after all.

Maybe I'll even let Ben get fresh ...

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


One Hundred Things

No, I'm not going to do the "100 Things About Me" list, so popular with bloggers of late. That's not to say that I don't find other bloggers' lists interesting, however there just AREN'T 100 things of any sort about me and it's likely best that I not get all depressed and stuff trying to write such a list.

Nono, this is far, far more frightening. My house was obscenely overrun with "stuff" before we moved ... and the new house is considerably smaller than the old one. Therefore I believe it's time to downsize my stash, no matter how comforting I find the concept of thousands of balls of yarn lurking in the closet.

Therefore, my resolution is to finish 100 things before I permit myself the luxury of purchasing any more yarn.

This, my dear readers, is in no way as horrifying as the fact that I am going to post pictures of every single finished item.


Even if it's just a dishcloth. (Please note that this is the first one I've ever made for myself.)

Monday, December 27, 2004


Note To Self

No matter how likkered up you are, the cat is not going to think you're funny if you try to play her like bagpipes.

The rest of your family will likely find it hilarious, though, and that's what counts. (Please imagine me loudly humming "Amazing Grace" with the cat's foot in my mouth ...)

Yeah, it was all pretty much downhill from there.

Sunday, December 26, 2004


All I Want For Next Christmas ...

... is a toy that does not require some sort of proctological spelunking to install its batteries.

Yes, the cat is next.

You're welcome.


Merry Christmas

Here is my tree. Do not ask about the big green hand -- it looks better in person, honest.

And here is my song. It's not exactly the Moron Tab and Apple Choir, but it's the best I can do at 7am after being up setting up a tree and making like Santa all night after working two shifts.

this is an audio post - click to play

Merry Christmas, beeyatches.

Hope yours was jolly, and such.

Friday, December 24, 2004


Bunnie Bum

How frightening!

Another FO, done in time, and already received in California.

Now if only I could find room for my fucking TREE we'd be doing all right ...


Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Well. They Got Me Pegged.

Your Christmas is Most Like: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

You can't really get into the Christmas spirit...
But it usually gets to you by the end of the holiday.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?


La La La

I can't HEAR you!!!

If I just follow my daughter's lead and shove my head in a snowbank, there will be no students to register, no forms to revise, no minutes to take, no letters to write ...

No house to organize in six days so I can feed turkey to about ten people.

Yes. THAT is the way to get through this season all righty.

Sunday, December 19, 2004


Is It Art?

Or is it the world's largest bidet?

You decide.

Saturday, December 18, 2004


Filatura di Finito

I finished the scarf, fortuitously in time for her birthday (a first for me!) It's utterly gorgeous, but as you can see my belief that it was totally random is untrue. It seems to have actually striped at one end.

Behold the up-close yummy softness.

I started this scarf not thinking that I liked the yarn. I am now in love.

Sorta like a lot of my life. *g*

Monday, December 13, 2004


Picture of My Wet P ... Um, Damp Cat

We found She Who Must Be Feared sleeping in the sink today. The damp sink. Hubby felt that this moment should be immortalized onna internest.

I felt that I should be careful about the title of the picture, as I've already had some interesting google search words lead folks here.

I think the thing I like most about this picture is the half-naked and obscenely-posed Barbie lying on the counter behind her. Ben didn't even notice when taking the shot.

Yes, there are toothpaste splats on my faucet. Wanna make something of it?

Sunday, December 12, 2004


You Better Not Pout

Seemingly Santa has already come to town. More accurately, to Grouse Mountain.

Very expensive, very cold. Worth every minute.

There was a reindeer also but he was camera shy. Not so my Muppet.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Demille

The day was made complete by the required $43 cup of hot chocolate (I may exaggerate just a tad) consumed while sitting in a snowbank.

It don't get much better than this!

Saturday, December 11, 2004


Cuisine de Sade

Recently, the long-held food service contract at one of the institutions where I earn my beer and yarn money was awarded to a new company.

As the previous company's unofficial slogan was apparently "Jesus is Lard", with a menu relying heavily on the "deep fried" section of the Canada Food Guide, I looked forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of the new company, dreaming foolishly of a wide and attractive array of exciting new food choices, perhaps even accompanied by a colourful selection of organic produce.

The one cloud on the horizon, or so I thought at the time, was that most of the old cafeteria staff had chosen to leave. I believe many of them were offered the opportunity to work for the new company, donning red polyester uniforms and taking an almost-twenty-percent wage cut. All but two of them wisely declined, as it seemed making a wage so low that food stamps and federal assistance were actually mandatory was less than appealing.

The big day arrived and the new company opened for business, enticing us with promises of free coffee. I hastened to the cafeteria, eager to see what wonders awaited me.

My joy was short-lived as, after reviewing both the menu and then the actual products on offer, I realized that all of the food preparation staff had received their credentials from L'Ecole Du Cuisine Dommage, headquartered in Decatur, Illionis.

(If anyone reading this is from Decatur, I have nothing against your city and in fact have never been there, I just had to choose a name and you came up lucky. Please do not flame me. If I ever come to Decatur I will take you out to lunch. I'll even clean my plate. Honest.)

This particular culinary institution is a pioneer in the field of Punitive Cuisine, which I believe is predicted by those in the know soon to surpass both Cajun and Greek in popularity, particularly in institutional settings.

I winced at the sight of such items as herbed arrugula biscotti and Creme de Cilantro soup a la mode. I shuddered at Prosctutto and Pear Lasagna and cringed at the Chunky Chicken Salad. I have no need to ever know what those chunks might be. The only thing I'm sure of is that they're not chicken. My personal guess is grilled vole.

The entire sandwich selection is predicated on the notion that if you wrap something up in a red corn tortilla and douse it with ranch dressing, it's worth an extra dollar fifty.

The salad bar, of which I had such great hopes, consisted of a small bowl of iceberg lettuce, three boiled eggs and a radish. Every other Tuesday there is also a carrot stick available to a select clientele. Should you be bold enough to take TWO carrot sticks, the manager of the food court comes to your house and steals your shoes.

To say the least, I'm disappointed. Can you tell?

Stay tuned; next time I'll tell you how I really feel.

Sunday, December 05, 2004


Obligatory Knitting Content

I have spent the last two weeks wasting my time enjoying moving furniture, falling down, trashing my back and all that sort of trivial nonsense. There also seems to be something wrong with my foot, but I'm ignoring it.

I would, however, like to note that it has not all been fun and games. I have managed to acquire some new yarn (and somehow my husband didn't kill me for it!)

Out of this is being made a scarf for a co-worker who has been having a bad time and who will really appreciate it.

I like the colours. I like the fact that it's generally very thick and 14 stitches makes a decent width for a scarf. I don't think I like the fact that it's very VERY thick and then very very THIN at random intervals. Nope, I don't think I like that at all.

Ah well, you live and learn. And the scarf will be well-loved (and out of my house within a week!).


Bloodied But Unbowed

Well, more bruised than bloodied, but you know what I mean.

Most of me is black and blue. That is, apart from the bits that are green and blue. Or yellow, purple or brown.

Observez-vous, mes amis:

war wounds


But the move is done, everything is in the new place (and I would like to know exactly which of you bastages snuck in here and DOUBLED the amount of shit I had to move) and the bedrooms are starting to look like bedrooms.

There are no words to describe what the living room looks like. Even "ass" fails me.

I'm back, darlings. Be afraid.

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