Rabbitch

Latest Google search: Porn Stars from Wisconsin.

WTF? That's the last place I'd expect porn stars to come from, but I guess you get 'em everywhere these days.

Latest excuse for not blogging: I've been busy. Apparently There's Something Going On Around Here.

Details? Ha! As if. Send yarn and we'll talk about it.

ps please do not send yarn i don't have time to knit okthanksbye

# posted by Rabbitch @ 5:12 PM 10 comments

Well it's Tuesday again, and as always I'm completely fucked on a Tuesday. Almost no sleep, we don't seem to have any food in the house, the entire living room is exploded, all of the dishes are dirty, I don't think we have any clean clothes and the babysitter is coming in two hours.

So in the vain hope that she won't call the Ministry on me, I'm going to run around screaming and trying to shove enough stuff under the couch that it doesn't look like my home has been ravaged by drunk hyenas. However, as I know you all languish on days I don't post, I'll quickly throw a link at you (Mousie updated her store) and then another link (because lala has me totally addicted to this site and I don't want to be all alone) just so you don't think I don't care.

And now, let the screaming commence.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 6:26 PM 12 comments

To inform you of one beauty
Though I'll ask of you a favour
No tae seek her for a while

(with thanks to Silly Wizard)

Today I lay down my crown. And scepter. And pointy sticks.

And pretty much everything.

OK, so I was self-crowned and all and it was likely time that someone took me down a notch or two, but really. You think I've got the snark?

Go. Go now. I warn you, you may never come back.

The chick tops me bigtime in snark, cussing, and general entertainment value. I'm not sure if I want to kill her or marry her. Even the cussing. I mean, I've never said "Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, Ma!"

Although I wish I had.

I'm hoping that "screaming purple fuck" still keeps me in the running here, but I'm pretty sure I'm doomed. No more JenLa awards for this rabbit.

*sigh*

bicth.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 10:27 AM 26 comments

So here we are, all bright and shiney and exciting-looking in the crock pot.

So far so good, right?


Not so much.

It's just a little too tye-dye-ish for me. I do believe that the '60s are over. The '70s too, for that matter.

This was my first attempt at crock pot dyeing and clearly I didn't have a clue and didn't saturate some sections quite enough.

I'm going to mix up some more dyes, apply them to the naked areas, fling this all back in the pot, put the pot outside and bake it for a few more hours and see what happens.


Wish me luck!

# posted by Rabbitch @ 6:47 PM 9 comments

I come from a generation that is ... well, uncomfortable with the scents of the body.

When I was growing up (this presumes that I may now be grown up, which may well be a matter for later debate) we were inundated with lotions, potions, deodorants and perfumes, all designed to mask the fact that body parts ... well, they have odours.

I tell friends that my mother had her armpits removed as a special treat for her last birthday, so that she now officially has no body part that smells. The other bits were removed in the '70s.

But really. People smell. And most of them smell nice. Massengill and other companies have made a fortune out of products designed to make things that smell perfectly, well, thingie, smell like a springtime forest or a summer rain, when all one really needs to do to keep any body part smelling fresh (barring any sort of medical condition) is to bathe on a regular basis.

For the ladies, if there is a slight imbalance, a little vinegar and water or some yogurt will fix it right up. Or, you know, you could go and spend $15 on something you don't need.

I'm sure that there's a hit out on me right now for sharing that information and destroying a million dollar enterprise.

Anyhow, I seem to have gotten myself into a position where I have to produce rather a lot of dyed yarn within the next month. So I went out and bought a couple of slow cookers today and tonight did my first bit of crockpot dyeing so that I could be productive while also wasting my time drinking beer and playing trivia.

I decided to do it in my studio, which isn't particularly well-vented (this point will be important later in the story) using the new pot I got for like $7 at the Sally Ann.

I scoured the yarn and threw it into the crockpot and put the dye on it and then turned it on and put the lid on.

And I have just spent the last six hours sitting in a room reeking of scorched sheep and vinegar.

And I beseech you, Massengill, do not ever go into the business of manufacturing sheep douches. I cannot think of a smell that is more foul than frying sheephair mixed with vinegar.

As an aside, I think that although this yarn (sisu) is not very nice, this may be one of the nicest things I have ever dyed. I'll be doing all of my crockpot dyeing outside on the covered patio from now on, though. I'm pretty much close to fainting here.

And now I'm going to go and chew on my shoes for a while to get this smell out of my head.

Eww.

Sheepdouche. Just say no.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 4:35 AM 19 comments

It's been a rough week. I was, for a few days there, cut off from both the telephone and that interwebs thingie and I must say I sort of liked the isolation.

Well, that is, apart from the twitching and all.

Anyhow, I'm back. All is well. And I have a hell of a lot of new yarn that came from my amazing Colour Swap Pal. Hint: scroll to here. Those socks? On my feets!

And now off to work. Right after I decide what to take to knit because really, dishcloths are starting to get boring.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 8:21 PM 9 comments

Someone asked how I found out what different searches bring people to my blog. I use a handy little tool called Statcounter. It's free and it's wonderful and I recommend it.

Although why I need to know that someone found me through this search, I don't know.

And I'm not sure if that one is more or less disturbing than this.

Both amuse me inordinately. Apparently I am a deeply superficial person.

As if you didn't know that already.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 6:41 AM 12 comments

That's one of my favourite lines from the movie Madagascar, and I must say that it's also advice that has served me well.

For instance, today I received a package from Big Alice as a belated birthday present, along with a nice note (excellent card, by the way!) saying how she wasn't sure if she should send it (hello? Sea Silk! NEVER ask yourself this question when holding a package of Sea Silk addressed to me) or if I'd think she was some sort of creepy stalker or a freak or something. Clearly, she made the correct decision and this incredibly beautiful fibre is now in my evil clutches.

So remember -- don't insult the freaks! You never know when they're going to send you stuff.

Many thanks to all who have been concerned about my mental and physical health. Nothing's been resolved at work but I just don't really care any more. I'm feeling far better than I was last week. I actually took two days off because my stomach was so upset that I couldn't even function (I'll spare you the details -- don't know if I had a bug or if it was stress but it's over now and that's all I care about) and I've spent the last four days sleeping and the last three days also eating (my husband is an amazing cook) and I feel far more hale and hearty and able to face the slings and arrows and all.

And to revamp my resume.

Clearly, we now have photo capability back in the rabbit hutch.

Thank the FSM for small mercies.

This is Hairy Berry, a buncha sock wool now residing happily with Mrs. Quimby.

Life is good. Or at least less annoying.

... so good.

Computer has been cobbled back together. We need some bits but this will do for now.

Next, the battling with the camera software. Stay tuned. Wait for the cussing to start.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 12:07 PM 5 comments

Well, I seem to still have a connection to this interwebs thingie (this may be disappearing for a couple of days later this week, but never fear, unless the cobbled-together computer kills itself also I'll be back by Saturday) and I'm still on the right side of the dirt, so that's all good.

My old hard drive is in this computer, however the computer keeps claiming that it isn't, so I don't have any of my old emails at all. If I owe you an email, a package, or perhaps even pictures of my boobs (which are also inaccessible on the old hard drive -- the pictures. The boobs are still here, firmly tucked into the waistband of my sweatpants, where they belong) then please let me know.

There may well be pictures soon, too. I've taken a few but ... well ... the whole refusing to acknowledge the old hard drive upon which the software is stored thingie ...

Things at work have reached the point of "ghastly" where I'm neither eating nor sleeping any more. One would think by now that I'd be both thin and unspeakably weary, however I don't believe that's the case. Or, at least, I'm too damned tired to notice, if it is.

Fortunately I think there's some sort of meeting happening this week and things should start to move after that. At this point, if I didn't need my benefits, I'd walk. But I do. And I also like my job, because most people won't pay me to knit.

Speaking of knitting! No, I haven't actually been doing any knitting. Did a few things for my Favourite Colour Swap Pal (and you know it was washcloths, right?) and a headband in red merino/mohair or something like that (Pamir from elann.com, nice stuff) which is really a long thin washcloth. Which isn't absorbent. Shut up.

Anyhow, while I've been busy not-knitting, Emma and Carol have been spoiling me rotten. First I received a skein of merino superwash in sockweight from Carol, in her very own "Dead Rat" colourway, and then I received a notions pouch and an absolute assload of yarn from Emma. Silk, cashmere, merino, all in gorgeous colours. None of which I can share with you at this point in time because the syphilitic assbeagle of a camera won't talk to the godforsaken weasel spew of a computer!!1! #@$@^%^&. But it doesn't bother me at all.

And now I'm going to try to sleep for an hour (I've slept exactly 90 minutes in the last 24 -- in two instalments) before I go to work and try not to kill people.

And maybe knit.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 5:02 PM 18 comments

To the people who have found this blog through searching for "nicest butt contest", "stupid things I have done with my vagina" and (arguably the most disturbing) "Loonette the Clown Naked", just stop it.

I actually asked my husband if he went online at work and typed stuff into Google just so they'd show up in my stats. He said no, but he thought it was a good idea. He's a bit of a shit like that, which is one of the reasons we work, most of the time.

To the person who found me by typing in "fell down stairs butt swollen" I'm very sorry, it hurts like hell, and it takes about three months for it to get back to normal. Just wait it out. Or, you know, go to a doctor rather than trying to find out shit on the computer. I mean really, people.

Looks like I'm going to be without camera access for at least another day, which is annoying. I have a bunch of wool I've dyed that I'd like to sell but well, one can hardly say "I have nice wool, send me money" without pictures.

Coming up shortly will be four skeins (135 yards or so each for $9 a skein) of "black orchid" in worsted weight, 600 yards of aran weight ($40 for the lot) in "frog barf" ... I was going to call it Swamp Thang but I like Frog Barf better, two skeins of pale grey/silver/mauve in sockweight Peruvian wool ($16) and two skeins of superwash merino in Hairy Berry which is almost-black to claret to almost-pink ($30). There are also five skeins, about 450 yards, of very chunky in clown colours and maybe some other fun stuff too. I can't do the FTP thingie up and down to the sidebar any more, as I'm on Linux now and the original page is on my old hard drive, so I'm going to have to just sell it all here on the blog.

I didn't want to make this a wool sale blog so it's annoying the fuck out of me, but when you're pushed to the wall this hard you do what you have to.

I'm also going to be doing some destashing and I have about a thousand yards of Top of the Lamb by Brown Sheep in black for $25 plus shipping, four balls of Kureyon in two different colourways (I think 95 and 72 but I'll have to check) for $20 plus shipping and two balls of elann.com alpaca silk in peridot for $5 plus shipping.

If anyone reading is in the greater Vancouver area, I'm also divesting myself of tons of acrylic for 50 cents a ball and also a fair amount of cotton. There's no point in shipping it as it would raise the price beyond the original value of the yarn, but if you're around here and you do a lot of knitting for charity or for kids or happen to like acrylic, and would like some of either, please let me know at bunniegirl at shaw dot ca. I'm going to do an inventory of what I have but there have to be at least a hundred balls, and I'll deliver if it's in Vancouver, Burnaby, or on the North Shore.

Oh man, I hate being this pathetic. Wasn't this blog supposed to be about knitting and drinking and spinning and cussing?

Anyhow, I think I managed to sleep about five hours last night so I'm going to go crawl back in with the kid and get another four, should there be a deity who is listening. I don't usually sleep a lot but I have this stupid cold that everyone has right now and I think I deserve a treat.

Yes, I've gotten to the point where sleep is a "treat".

I promise I'll be fun again soon. No, really.

Honest.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 7:56 AM 14 comments

Man, I don't remember the last time I went four days without posting. Long time.

Apologies to anyone who thought I might be dead. Also apologies to anyone who was hoping that I might be dead. I'm not; I'm just totally overwhelmed by life right now.

The computer is still almost-defunct, nothing else has shown any sign of improvement, and I'm battling a cold plus the sort of mental overload that makes you want to just wrap yourself in your oversized University of Miami (Ohio) sweatshirt with the chemical burns on the cuffs (given to you by a hot chick many years ago -- the sweatshirt, not the burns ... she got those in chemistry class) and recite dirty limericks at the top of your voice until everyone leaves you alone.

Alas, being a mommy and apparently also the only person who knows where anything is in the house, in fact nobody leaves you alone, which really makes things quite a lot worse.

Hubby is going to try to do something about putting my old hard drive in his computer so at least I can access my data and maybe even upload some pictures. He'll be home in half an hour and I hope to persuade him to do so tonight.

If this occurs, I have pictures! I received a gorgeous skein of sock wool from Carol to whom I am not linking right now because I just don't have the patience to wait for this computer to do so, plus I've got some more wool dyed plus I'm destashing so there will be many things for sale. Right now I'm going to go crawl into bed with my kid and see if I can't get a nap while getting her to sleep. Or, you know, maybe pass away in the middle of the night. That would work, too.

Me, not her. Assmonkeys.

If the computer gets semi-functional again and I get an hour of sleep, there may well be more posting this evening. However, I suspect that me "putting the baby to bed" will involve me also passing out for about 8 hours.

I'll stop whining soon. Honest. Right after I stop getting kicked in the ass.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 10:27 PM 3 comments

Well, it's Tuesday (insert a "well duh" here should you so desire) and I don't get more than a couple of hours of sleep on a Tuesday, which is why I often skip posting that day.

All I can say is a certain nasty delivery company, who took my money on the 1st of March to deliver something overnight in their nasty brown delivery trucks should be damned pleased that I don't have time for a rant.

Would seem that "overnight" means "whenever the fuck we feel like it". The destination, to which I could have walked in the last five days, has not yet been reached by their shitty service. Now I know why their trucks and all of their uniforms are brown.

Note to readers -- if anyone is sending anything to me, do not send it via the company with the brown trucks, 'cause I'm so annoyed I'm going to actually refuse all deliveries made by that company.

Sheesh, Canada Post would have cost me sixty cents and would have delivered it yesterday.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 8:10 PM 10 comments

I live in the middle of a rainforest.

Until I learned that this area was classified as a rainforest, I always thought that term referred to tropical rainforests, with brightly-coloured birds and poisonous snakes and strange animals I'd never seen.

But yes, we're in a rainforest. And I can't begin to explain how much I love it. The smells and the sounds, the gentle damp. The rain that starts flirting with us around the end of September, tweaks our noses in October and then settles in for the long haul around the beginning of November and rides us hard well into May.

It's raining now, again, yet again. There are a lot of areas around here that are on flood watch because of the rain but you know, if you choose to build or farm on a flood plain, well, that's going to happen from time to time.

I don't have the same opinion as some outspoken folks in the newspaper, that if someone chooses to live or farm or a flood plain they should just suck it up and take the losses if the dykes break. Um. Dikes. Heh, nevermind.

That's where our food comes from. If nobody was farming that gorgeous rich soil on the flood plains then we'd all be eating Kraft Dinner five nights a week and I don't mind paying for reinforcing the dikes and dredging the gravel out of the rivers and all. We live in a land of plenty and I think it's the responsibility of all of us here to contribute to keeping that safe.

But that's neither here nor there. I just wanted to share how magnificent it smells around here.

I was just outside and, because I have a stupid nose (I can tell you what's in your freezer by the smell of your ice cubes in my drink, and I can identify the cologne of someone in the car across the street without trying. I can even tell you sometimes if the guy in the car ahead of us is drunk) I could smell the coyote who lives in our woods. He smells a little like a wet dog. I've only seen him once; he was at the end of my driveway and he looked at me, I looked at him, and neither of us wanted to get any closer. Somehow we knew we just wouldn't be friends. He slunk away into the bushes.

The rich smell of the trees (we have many different types around here) was almost overwhelming. The particulate matter has been all beaten down by the rain and you can smell what everything REALLY smells like. The smell of the rust on the wrought iron railings beside my front stairs was something I wanted to bottle. My beautiful unkempt tree out front with all of the dripping catkins, the front lawn, even the smell of my trailer-trash decomposing fence and the mud and all. Oh, I just wanted to roll in it. (but, you know, with the non-working dryer that wasn't such a good idea so I jettisoned it immediately).

I can't imagine living anywhere else. Living in a city again would hurt me. We're 20 minutes' drive from downtown Vancouver, but this is as wild as you can get and still have a high-speed internet connection.

Life may take me elsewhere; I've lived in a lot of places. I may not always have access to this beauty. But I'll carry it with me always, and be so grateful that I've had the opportunity to live in this beautiful, gentle rich dampness.

Let it rain. Let it rain. Let it rain, on me. (with thanks to Amanda Marshall)

# posted by Rabbitch @ 4:24 AM 26 comments

Dear A. Nonny Mouse:

No, I have not been disappearing your comments. They've been coming to me in email and I assumed they were also showing up on my blog, as I have it set up to accept anonymous comments. I don't need to know who people are if they don't want to tell me.

I disappeared one or two comments from someone, perhaps you, a couple of months back because they either upset me or pissed me off, and as I said at the outset of this blog, this isn't a democracy, this is my space in which I need to feel comfortable, but I've removed nothing since.

So if you're talking about anything recent, then it's the fault of Blogger, not the fault of my rampant censorship. I apologize if you felt you were being censored.

Blogger is a free service and sometimes you get what you pay for.

If you ARE the person from my past who was commenting about The Only and my shoes and so on (so I knew that you really know who I am -- because I'll admit I used to be a bigger shoe slut than Imelda Marcos) I had it narrowed down to either Rose or Kelly or Catherine. Feel free to tell me if I'm incorrect. Two of those people are welcome back into my life with open arms, and yes, I miss you both. One, a lot. A whole lot.

The third will be tolerated if she watches her ps and qs. I'm not quite the little pushover that I used to be.

And now, I return to my futile attempt to pretend that I'm technologically well-equipped. I have to go give the hamster CPR again so the computer keeps running ...

# posted by Rabbitch @ 4:18 AM 6 comments

Greetings again from Prehistoric Land! (or was that Pre-Hysteria Land? Whatever.)

My, it certainly is fun trying to get things done on a computer that resembles a box of Triscuits (a really BIG box of Triscuits) and that seems to be run by the power of an elderly hamster running lethargically on a rusted wheel.

I've glued an Etch-A-Sketch to the top, just so that I can pretend I have a monitor. Can you tell that I'm not taking this latest blow to the comfort of my home and to my continued access to free pornography interesting articles on art and science and helpful homecare tips particularly well? Oh well, knowing my luck they'll cut off the internet connection next week and I won't have to worry about it any more.

The good thing is that I've been using my time wisely. In the time it takes to load a website (if it loads at all, that is) I can catch up on the things I haven't really had time to get to in the last year or so. Like vacuuming the hallway (who knew I had carpet there?), shaving my legs (I seem to have had carpet there, too), washing my clothes (but not drying them) and doing the dishes. I would have been skeining up all of the wool that I've dyed but a) I still don't know if I can post pictures, as my husband's computer seems to be missing some sort of card and he doesn't have an internet conection and b) my niddy-noddy fell apart and I'm waiting for the glue to dry.

Apart from all of that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

There are worse things, though. My goats don't have lice (the fact that I don't have goats is immaterial), I didn't just discover that the house of my dreams is built on a flood plain and I don't have a roommate (who also happens to be a sheep) who is holding half-naked auditions in my living room.

And, you know, at least my vagina didn't fall out.

Sometimes the misfortunes of others are all we have to keep us going.

# posted by Rabbitch @ 9:19 PM 10 comments

The motherfucker motherboard on my computer fried itself yesterday. One minute I was wasting my time downloading porn researching important information on the interwebs and the next minute there was a quiet click and I was staring at a black screen.

Naturally I reacted with my usual aplomb and ran about screaming for a while, then left a pathetic plea for my house geek husband to fix it fix it fix it oh please oh please.

Seems it's at least temporarily deceased, as we cannot purchase a new part until my employer pays me out, however he managed to set up an old computer so that y'all don't fade away and die for lack of my timeless prose. And you thought he wasn't any use. I do believe some ass-kissing may be in order.

It's a P200. This used to be the fastest machine in the house. I believe I can type fast enough to crash the entire damned thing.

I'm running Linux, because this box is so old I can't load NT or XP or PDQ or NFI or whatever the hell I was using on the other machine. I strongly suspect this makes me some sort of geek.

A geek who can post, but a geek nonetheless.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to go get registered for the next Star Trek Convention or something now.

Oh yes, and I can't upload pictures because I don't think I can run the camera software on this (although the camera itself is seven years old, so who knows?) Anyhow, you're going to have to wait for pictures.

The unkind amongst you may now start laughing and pointing at me. It takes forever to load anything on here, so there's a good chance I won't know if you're laughing, anyhow.

And now I'm just going to take my laundry in a basket down to the river and pound it a bit with some rocks. (My washer still works but really, it's only a matter of time ...)

# posted by Rabbitch @ 9:48 AM 16 comments