Wednesday, August 23, 2006

 

Actual Entries on Hospital Charts


This was sent to me a couple of years ago by a friend. I was clearing up my email inbox tonight and found it again. It gave me many gigglesnorts. (and dudes, don't think this is fake, I've seen WAY worse on admission records).

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit
on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

I'm gigglesnorting madly here.

Comments:
Oh my God! I was thinking, these are cute... then I got to #18. I actually sitting here snorting with laughter. THanks for a good laugh. Contrary to #29, I have only 1 teenager, and my other abnormality is that I am a visiing nurse!
 
I really should wait till I stop laughing to post a comment. I'm a VISITING nurse. My new mantra is going to be..."I love to proof read"! And now I have to try to type the stupid verification "word".
 
Gigglesnorting here, too!
 
sweet FSM, what is the world of health care coming to with chart comments like these?

my spouse (upstairs in bed) just shouted down to find out why I was pounding the computer desk and snorting and screaming laughing. I told him I would have to show him in the morning (sight gag).

un-fucking-believable!

anne marie in philly
 
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Good God girl... we need illustrations!
 
That was too fun. I love a good laugh/cry. I love the constipated until divorced. No doubt!!
 
Here I am, an innocent insomniac, catching up on blogs until sleep sets in.

Now I've lauged so hard that there are tears streaming down my face. I'm *never* going to fall asleep at this rate!
 
#18 - isn't that the long way around to the thyroid? OMG - those are too funny.
Gigglesnorting here too!
 
Thanks I needed a laugh today. Good ones!
 
i think there are transcriptionists who need to mix it up to get through the boredom.
 
HA! Sheesh, that was grand! Thanks. Needed that.
 
Should my breasts react to light? I don't think they ever have (thanks to lots of sunblock).
Teresa
 
I am so glad my doctor never gave me a thyroid exam like that.
 
#28 is fairly common sight around my office.
 
That was too funny!
 
Re #19, isn't it the ex who was supposed to be full of it?

And re #24, fairly common sight around *my* office.
 
I'd seen this before, and it's still funny! I love it!
 
TRUST me, as a nurse, I have seen REAL doctor's and nurse's notes like that before!
 
Oh man, I read that outloud to my husband and even he laughed. The man with NO emotion thought it was great. I posted it on my blog and gave you credit. Thanks for the laugh!!!!!
 
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