Thursday, September 22, 2005

 

Breaking News


VANCOUVER, BC (BSN)

This just in. Our intrepid reporter, Eleanor Beatrice, seen here in her humanitarian efforts to save the Battery-Powered Panda Bear




has this day reported to her parents that the dreaded bath puppet, pictured below in his natural habitat of lounging on the flyer of mommy's spinning wheel




is a bastard.

It had long been suspected that this puppet was of poor moral fibre, and also of fairly skanky cotton fibre as he has all of these weird loops hanging off him.

We had not until this day known the extent of his perfidy, however "bastard" would seem to be the least of his worries.

A rabbit, who preferred not to be identified by name




said "I always wondered when the rubber duck said she got the clap from the toilet seat. I mean, it just didn't make sense. Not when she had been spending hours with the bastard bath puppet down her pants."

These speculations were brought to a head tonight when, during a game of "Make Eleanor Laugh Like a Loon," the aforementioned reporter, upon being tickled by the bath puppet, said in bell-clear tones, "Bath puppet, you are a bastard."

Her parents hastily defined the difference between "adult words" and "kid words" and in fact defined "bastard" as "quite a bad word and one that we would prefer you didn't say in school." These explanations were made while mommy tried not to pee her pants laughing while simultaneously being shocked, and while daddy tried valiantly to blame this transgression upon mommy rather than upon The Evil TeeVee.

Further reports as this story develops. Or when I stop cringeing and laughing at the same time.

It's all the Bastard Bath Puppet's fault.

Comments:
Kids are VERY capable of understanding the kid words adult words thing. My daughter figured it out for herself at a very young age. She once told my mother 'Mommy says Oh Shit; I say Oh Bother'
 
It's so hard to keep a straight face, isn't it? God, and she is so damn cute, it must be incredibly difficult to get angry.

Thanks for the giggle.
 
Hehehehehe...it was only a matter of time.

(and you were laughing at ME because my kid said "fuck" at the dinner table...and you want to hear the best part? She backtracked heavily and said, "Maman, I didn't say fuck, I was just saying the French word for seal." Which happens to be phoque. Which happens to sound just like fuck. Except for if you drop something on your foot, the chances you will say, "Oh, seal!!!" are extremely slim. Nice try, though, eh?)
 
ROFL, because I can remember those days so well. The first day my daughter went to a larger day care, after having been in a private home, she came home and I did something to annoy her. She said under her breath, "FOCKER!" Same reaction from me and my husband as yours -- trying to hide the laughter, while letting her know it wasn't ok. (heh, that was BEFORE the days of me being such a foul-mouth - at least not in front of HER!) ;-)
 
It's all go at your house, isn't it? Goodness gracious. But could you please clarify, is the Bath Puppet nasty and deceitful, or was it merely born out of wedlock?

I don't think I ever experimented with naughty words, but one of my uncles did teach me that the proper way to great a lady was to smile and tell her she had a nice a--.
 
Funny! When I was a kid and I said something like that, all I got was an angry stare. However, when I was a little older, and my brothers starting having kids, I began to see the crumbling of the parental facade. Whenever one of my nieces said something like your reporter, my sister-in-law would have to do the stern face forward, shaking shoulders, red face while turned away from her kid dance. It was a revelation that, to people who weren't my parents, raising kids might be fun!
 
There aint no stoppin em.
 
You seriously have the best, cutest kid ever. ever. I have no idea how you could explain that to her with a straight face! and I absolutely see why you are so enamored of her - look at that face. Even I would love her, and you know how I feel about children! ;-)
 
Proud of yourself, aren't ha? Hell, I would be!
 
I remember when my oldest nephew first said "fuck". Ok, so he had a bit of trouble with some dipthongs, and was really trying to say "truck", but I was one proud aunty!
 
Oh gosh, it's so hard to NOT laugh. The things kids come up with ... too funny!
 
I'm jealous. My bath puppet is a prudish fuss-budget. He has never once tickled me to the point of lunacy.
 
hey, at least the bath puppet isn't a motherfucker.

good luck.

you could teach her the word in french -- batard -- no one would understand since it's a dead language
 
Ah, yes, first day off the school bus, my then kindergartener, now married man, waltzed into the house, got right in his little brother's face and called him a "little fucker."

I don't remember any more how we dealt with it, so you see, Missy Moo, your parents really will have forgotten all about it by the time you're married!
 
Bath puppets is so stupid.
 
kids say the darnedest things!
 
OMG, that was the best! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh.
 
I can only sit here, reading all this and giggling!! I raised mine, now it's time to laugh about other people going through the same trials. But cheer up! As she gets older, there's be other hair-raising adventures. There, didn't that make you feel better?
 
Damn those bath puppets!
 
Seeing as how that bunny has a huge backside, is that where you are hiding all the ruff so you can make people think you have been spinning it?
:)
 
Little Bunny Foo-Foo looks so much like you ! I see you clearly in her face. Somehow it is no surprise to hear Foo-Foo say something ..so..irregular as this statement.

My bath puppet by the way is a large purple flower with the head of Ernie in the center of it. It also squeaks.
 
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