Monday, September 30, 2013


Upon Cats

I used to have cats. I love cats. They are mysterious, affectionate, impenetrable, indispensable.

But of late, I have been reading on Facebook about all of these things that people's cats have been doing to them and they're trying to figure out why. I am now here to assist you.

It is because your cat is an asshole.

You're welcome.

I have had many cats in my life and all of them were assholes. It is the nature of the beast. Not that I object to assholes; I have been married to one for many many years (a person, not a cat) but there comes a time when one must call a spade a spade and not just another pretty shovel.

I wrote a long rant about why and how your cat is an asshole and I may well expand on this tomorrow, however I have been up dyeing stuff and I'm tired and must go to bed.

But, as I go to bed, if a person treated you like your cat does ... if a person peed in your shoes, sicked up on your carpet, shredded your toilet paper and gave birth in your closet ... what would you call them?

Exactly. I rest my case.

(This is all meant in jest. If you feel the need to rip me a new one in the comments please do.)

I love cats I have many cats and I never looked at it like that before but you are correct they are assholes and they will never change but I still love them. Thank you for the insight!
Asshole with attitude! And I adore each and every one of their fuzzy faces.
That is an inarguable fact.
Thank you, and amen! The refusal to see what assholes cats (and dogs) are just baffles me.
I'm very lucky; my cat have never done any of those. HOWEVER, if my cat could enslave me, she would do so in a minute. She would have no problem taking away my freedom if it meant I pet her and scratched her ears for the rest of my days.

They are all just potential dictators.
At least cats never pretend to be anything but what they are, and you're pretty accurate in your assessment. Our current cat at least doesn't take off with, and destroy, my yarn ... unlike the dog!
Cat lover here (just look at my handle!), but OF COURSE they are assholes. I never quite thought of it that way, but you have shown me the light.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Whom they treat in the same way that Donald Trump and Paula Deen (and Leona Helmsley) treat(ed) theirs.
Agreed. I like cats but I can see what they are.

Also, hooray! You're posting again!
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