Thursday, June 10, 2010


I Am A Speshul Snowflake

OK, it's been long enough, I've been back from Stitches West for months, and I have to finish the story, but first I need to finish telling you about my boob.

Because, you know, it's all about the hooters.

Here I am, two and a half weeks past surgery and yesterday I was comfortable enough to be able to skein yarn again, which is a good thing, as I leave for Fibre Week in Olds, Alberta in two weeks.

I swore that I was going to do Olds if I had to drive there with my poor offended tit in a hand-knitted sling around my neck. Amusingly enough I've had three offers from people willing to knit me such a sling, but it won't be necessary.

I'm still swollen, still sore, but most of the bruising has gone and I'm able to lift stuff again, which is good, as my hoar Sara and her lovely fiancé Trevor drove to Blaine last week and got a bunch of my yarn back from my other hoar Tracy, via yet another hoar named Carry.

My goodness, there is a multitude of hoars about these days, isn't there? And I, for one, am endlesly grateful. I have no idea what I would do without them.

During that trip, Trevor learned the truth about yarn. He picked up one of the two large bags and looked at Sara and said "I never knew yarn could weigh this much." Dude, 30 lbs of anything (which is about what was in that bag) weighs 30 lbs. I think he hadn't known there was that much yarn in the world. Heh.

And there were two of those bags. That's about a third of what I've got ready for Olds right now, excluding the roving.

Now ... a skein of yarn is about 110 grams or so, and five of them are a pound, so 50 are ten pounds. You do the math. There's going to be one fuck of a lot of yarn in Olds. Come and buy it, won't you?

I made it just for you.

BUT ... back to my boob.

The last tumour was 10cm x 7cm x 8cm. That's 4 inches by 2.75 inches by 3.14 inches for my friends south of the border. For people who don't do math, um, that's close to the size of your fist. I lost more boob than most folks had to start with, seeing he took that plus a margin of tissue around it. (Heh, I typed "tittue" at first. It made me snort. I have the sense of humour of a 12-year-old boy. I think that breast tissue should hereafter be referred to as "tittue") It should have been enough. But it wasn't, and the fucker came back.

The good thing? It was benign the first time. That pretty much made it a dead cert. that it would be benign the second time.

The bad thing? Well, it came back.

This one was WAY smaller. When I first found it I had tried to pretend for a week or so that it was just scar tissue and there was no recurrent badger, but really ... scar tissue doesn't just show up four years after surgery. And then I called the doc and it took me a couple of weeks to get in to see her.

During that time it doubled in size. These little fatherfuckers are way aggressive.

Fortunately my doc is seriously cool and understands that patients actually know what's going on with their bodies and the minute I said I had the tumour back again she sent me off to see my lovely Irish Gentleman, who managed to get me an appointment within the week.

He confirmed that it was back, and proclaimed that it would again be banished, forthwith.

(Heh, his office assistantnurseperson (I'm not sure what to call them) said that there wasn't time on the Friday in the OR and he said that there WAS and if the scheduler at the OR gave her grief, she could talk to HIM, but that the surgery would be done that day.)

He took it out again (and some time I'll tell you about how wise it is to "Play the Dozens" with your surgeon ... and win ... when you're actually ON the operating table) and we got the pathology results in and as I said in my last post, the good news is that it was benign.

The bad news?

Yeah, I was holding this one back for a bit so that everyone could be happy for a week, but there IS bad news, alas.

The spiral cells (I think that's what my lovely Irish surgeon called them) extended to the edge of the excised tissue.

That means he didn't get it all.

It's going to come back. Almost 100% for sure.

Again with the good news? It will be benign.

The bad news? I'm almost certainly gonna have to get chopped up again.

I'm going to go see him in September and then again in March and then again in June; we're keeping a close eye on this.

The next step will be to catch it when it's REALLY small and take a LOT of my boob (like a quarter, a third, maybe half) and then get a plastic surgeon to reconstruct the left one and reduce the right one to match. Because otherwise when I went swimming I'd be so unbalanced I'd just go round and round in circles and all of the cool kids would laugh at me.

So I'll end up having, at some point soon, the breasts of a 20-year old. (I do so hope that she doesn't mind. I'm hoping to sneak a tummy-tuck and a facelift in there too, if it's possible.)

I'm going to ask him in September if we can't just do it now before the tumour comes back, so that we can be done with it.

BUT ... no matter what happens ... it's going to be benign. I have things to do and yarnz to dye, and I will have the time to do it. I'm not heading out.

It's still time to dance; the bullet has been dodged.

tomorrow, more about the bitches at Stitches

Will you show us pictures when you have the boobs of a 20 year old? Pretty please?

Seriously, it sucks that that damn badger will be back, but at least you and your doctor are ready for him this time! I'm sorry you're going to have to go through that pain again; sending hugs to you!!!!
Well, hey. We'll be lighting some candles and burning some cedar around here for you.
Benign is absolutely, 100%, fantabulous. More surgery is, I know, hard. It's amazing how much breast surgery can HURT afterwards, isn't it? I had no idea that there was any part of my boobs involved in things like sitting up and lifting my arms, etc. I hope they can do it all sooner rather than later so you don't have to wait for the badger to return...
Rats! I can see why some gals opt for double mastectomies now. What a PITA.
Well, that's one way to get a breast reduction, although I'd probably go a different route.

I'm glad that things are improving for now & that you've got a plan.
I love that you and your doc played in the OR. I had surgery on my breast many years ago and my surgeon told me that the good news was that I was the funniest person that he ever had on the table. The bad news was that I had everyone laughing so hard that he's never letting anyone stay awake again!
That is SUCH good news! You have a couple of jewels for doctors - and they have a great patient. If you are/were heavily endowed, you will LOVE the reduction.
Oh man, those freaking spiral cells. What crummy news. (but, as you pointed out, benign benign benign you stupid breast badger.)

I'm sorry. Congrats on the upcoming boob job, tho. Make sure to smoosh your stomach way up high so he cuts it accidentally and has to 'fix' it with a tummy tuck.
First - I will definitely see you in Olds. Yay!
Second - I really do think that karmic payback for repeated boob badger invasions should include the boobs of a 20 year old.
and Mostly - just glad to know it's all going to be ok, even if its also going to hurt again.
I'm so happy that it's benign, though. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass (or, I guess, in the boob) but yay for benign! And yay for getting the breasts of a 20 year old!
Wishing you the best. F*** tumors, benign or not.
You are indeed a Speshul Snowflake if you worried about our feelings and thus held back about the nasty spirals. Does this mean you are also a whirling dervish?
I will envy you your 20 year old's boobs, especially if I continue to lose weight and the folds on my abdomen become the consistency of a crinoline petticoat, with the resultant flapping flooferage therewith entailed.
Love you anyway.
My word is 'antilyp.' Does that mean no liposuction?
Gah! I mean, I'm soooooo happy it's benign, but still...GAH.

Also, I tried to get a tummy tuck as part of gallbladder surgery a couple years ago. Surgeon just went, "heh heh heh" but didn't come through for me. Feh.
They are happy where they are. Must be boob- men- cells.
You do indeed have a couple of excellent doctors--can they be cloned? You can spend the summer planning what you will do with the tits of a 20-year-old. As they say: youth is wasted on the young.

So glad it's still benign and promising to remain that way. Sorry you have to go through yet another chop although having the boobs of a 20 year old could be fun.

Your doc and surgeon sound great and that makes everything better.
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