Friday, May 28, 2010


It's Been ...

... One week since you looked at me
cut my boob up with your knife and said you're sorry ...

(sung to the tune of "One Week" by the Bare Naked Ladies")

So here we are, seven days post-surgery and I haven't had a call from the surgeon's office to "come in now" and talk about the results. I'm thinking that that means I've dodged the bullet again, thank the FSM.

I have my first follow-up appointment on Tuesday the first at 11:45am, and I'm assuming all will be well. You know I'll post if it ain't, don't you?

I don't think this should be a private process, although I am private about many things (some may be snorting right now, but those of you who know me well understand completely).

So far this has been remarkably undramatic. I took the Friday off work and Mr. Assmuppet took the entire weekend off. Even though we really couldn't afford to lose the income. I hardly ever ask for help, from anyone, but this time I caved without a fight. I really couldn't have coped alone.

He cooked up a storm and he and Her Surreal Highness waited on me hand and foot. Srsly, I've never eaten so much in my life or had my feet so constantly and devotedly warmed. For someone who has circulation as shitty as mine is, it was a blessing. I intend to put my feet on my family as often and as thoroughly as possible at all times from now on. I'm so glad that I both married and birthed mammals. (in case you're wondering, Boris the Wonder Snake has been of no use at all during this process. He's cold. Nuff said.)

I've had to take a couple of acetaminophen, a couple of ibuprofen, but the pain has been completely manageable. I'm serious here; I'm not particularly stoic and I would have taken the T3s (Tylenol 3 with codeine) if I'd needed them but I didn't even think of it; not once.

The itching has started (and I can't tell you how much fun that is ... but it's not really bad yet) but that's ok, because it means that the healing has also started. I've had a few shooting pains, which I think (hope) means that the nerves are waking up again.

This has really been a non-event, apart from the startlingly lovely bruising.

Yellow, gold, dark purple that's almost black, some magenta, a little green. There's going to be a new colourway called "Brokerack Mountain" (because if we can't laugh about the broken rack, what can we laugh about?). My left nipple (and I'm sure you all came here to hear about it) is so bruised that I suspect that they actually picked me up by it to move me onto the gurney after the surgery. There's really no other explanation for it. I'm in favour of vigorous nipple action at the best of times, but I've NEVER been bruised like this.

(I know, it's making you hot; admit it.)

I went back to work on the Tuesday, after taking four days off (Monday was Dead Queen Day, and I meant to post, because although most folks in Canada celebrate Queen Victoria on that day, I prefer to celebrate Freddy Mercury, a dead queen who actually means something to me ... but I just wasn't up to it). I really haven't had a problem working, although I was sore after having to sit up for eight hours that first night.

Anyhow, the long and the short of it is that I'm fine ... I'm still on the right side of the dirt and despite the remarkable fluorescence of my boob I'm both feeling and looking pretty much ok.

I'll post again after the doc's appointment on Tuesday, if not before.

And for all of the people who emailed me and left me messages on Facebook, asking what they could do?

My tumour is considered to be a cancer because of where and how it grows, even though it was benign the first time and likely is so again this time. (It's a sarcoma). I'm technically a breast cancer survivor, even though it wasn't malignant.

There's only one thing that you can do for me, and that is ... go and have a mammogram.

Seriously. Do it. For some folks it hurts a bit, for most it's not a whole lot of anything. If you've ever had your blood pressure taken, it squeezes about the same amount.

And even if it's less pleasant than that ... it's a whole lot more pleasant than having a tumour and getting all chopped up.

So go do it, k?

Glad to hear that everything went so well. Nothing like some spectacular bruising, is there? I had one like that on my ass one time and it seriously bummed me out (ha ha bummed)that I couldn't put it on display for the wonder of all mankind. Guess you're in the same boat on the show & tell issue.
Oh, sweetie, I want some of that colorway! It will go wonderfully with that first skein I bought from you, don't remember the exact name but it was something like "Big Ass Purple and Yellow Bruise." You take care, now, hear?
Glad you are healing quickly.
Heh, Brokerack Mountain.
Glad you're off the mat and back in the ring.

Can't wait to see Brokerack Mountain. IF I'm able to see while I'm laughing this hard.
LOL--Brokerack Mountain! So glad you are keeping your unique sense of humor! And yes, you are a breast cancer Survivor, welcome to the club!
May that appt. be the non-event it should be, eh? very glad you continue to be this side of the dirt, chica.
Try some lavender oil on the wound once it starts healing. It really really helps with the itching and the healing process and, if nothing else, it smells wonderful. It also really helps with the scarring.

Brokerack Mountain--you're killing me laughing. Freddy Mercury on Dead Queen Day--I think I just peed.
So glad everything seems to be okay. And I practically fell off the couch laughing at the description of your bruised nipple - I envisioned some sort of crane-like device lifting you off the bed by your nipple (not that you'd need a crane, of course....).
My dear, you need not fear for my boobies. The company, bless their sweet stinkin' hearts, hold an annual day for all of us needing a boob squeeze. They upgraded to digital readers, thank FSM, so they don't have to turn my boob into a crepe.

When you come down for OFFF we'll toast Freddie. I miss him so much.
Happy to hear that you're recovering! I will call to make a mammogram appt. TOMORROW - promise! You killed me with "vigorous nipple action!"
Well, your sense of humor aint lumpy ;-)
Brokerack and Freddie the Queen. I'm still catching my breath from laughing so hard. XOXO woman, you're awesome.
PS when he died I cried for 4 days straight
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