Saturday, April 26, 2008


Ten Weeks Later

The title of this post is a play on the title of a training film I watched recently, "28 Days Later". This film was one recommended by Annie, so that I would be adequately prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse that is sure to come any day now.

(Note: If anyone has an objection to gratuitous gore, you should likely skip clicking on any of the videos linked here)

I now know how to avoid being raped by insane soldiers and eaten by zombies. It was very informative, and I thank her. The next film I'm going to watch is this one:

(Bloglines or other feed readers, there's a YouTube video embedded there, if you can't see it.)

It can't hurt to be completely prepared. I'm thinking of watching Night of the Lepus next:

Anyhow, it's ten weeks since Stephanie blew up my quiet little business, and it's been quite the ride. I quit my job, dealt with being sicker than a sack of diseased hamsters for three weeks, my kid was out of school for two weeks on "Easter Break" (um, hello? Two weeks for Easter break? I'm pretty sure the rabbit rolled the rock away from the cave and Jesus came out and gave everyone brightly-wrapped chocolate eggs all in one afternoon), a supplier who wouldn't answer my emails or ship my order, another supplier who both answered emails and shipped orders but who ran out of fibre, a couple of people who let me down quite horribly, and a lot of very interesting (and sometimes painful) lessons learned.

The people who let me down did to me things that I have done myself to others in the past. It's a fair turn of the wheel that I should now be on the receiving end, although the scale of the down-letting in this situation was far greater than what I did. I smiled, shrugged it off (after a few well-chosen epithets) and I wish them well on their journeys. I have resolved in future that I personally shall suck less; and that their journeys shall continue without the benefit of my company. I just don't have time for bullshit any more.

I also had a couple of weeks of fairly serious mental illness. The Depression got its claws into me bigtime for the first time in years and I coped with it poorly. I refuse to be medicated and usually just ride it out, knowing it'll be over soon, but this was vicious. I'd rather not do that again if you don't mind.

Like I said, quite the ride.

Over the last couple of weeks I've had a number of concerned emails and even some phone calls asking if I'm OK. I haven't been blogging, I haven't been emailing and my phone rings mostly unanswered.

I've heard a couple of rumours that I'm maybe not all right -- and my answer to those rumours and the emails and calls is "No. No, I'm not all right, but I will be. I'm way better than I was."

But at least I didn't go shave my hair off, show my coochie in public or drive down the street with my daughter in my lap, so I'm still a notch or two saner than Britney.

As I said, I've had to learn a few things. I have had to learn not to read about myself (I love Ravelry but I just can't go there right now, so if you've sent me a message there's a good chance you won't get an answer any time soon.) I've had to learn not to tell people I thought were ok anything at all in case I find it spread across the universe (something that's coming up in my business and that was mine and mine alone to tell was mentioned in a public forum in a very uncool manner after I whispered it to someone who should have known better.)

I've had to learn to give myself some credit for doing my best. If my best isn't good enough, that in no way negates the fact that it is my best.

I've also started scheduling in some family time because really -- without them, what's the point? So tonight I cooked a massive dinner (ok a lot of it was frozen like the soops and the potatoes but shut up, I made that box in the kitchen get hot and produce things) and then we all watched a movie. Everyone's asleep now -- it's 4am. I'm going to bed shortly and tomorrow I'm going to the river with my kid. I'm not going to dye anything, ship anything, update anything at all. We're going to throw rocks and look for bugs and then for dinner I'm making a huge vat of Fettucine Alfredo with peas and some baby bay scallops sauteed in olive oil and garlic. I'll serve it with a salad and a baguette or two.

And maybe some wine for the grownups.

I'll be back in the world again on Sunday or Monday, but we need this interlude.

Report on the Harlot in Seattle visit will happen maybe Monday.

While you're waiting for me to get off my ass and actually write something, go hug your kids and maybe look for some bugs. I guarantee it'll do you some good.

I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough go of it, dearest.

And I'm hoping you're asleep as I type this and that when you wake up you'll have been so far away from your computer having a great time with your family that it's already Tuesday.

Big Hugs.
Well. I think Staphanie has a LOT to answer for, starting all this off for you! Just kidding.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time of it lately, but you already know how to take care of yourself. We'll all still be here when you get back.

And you can post pics of the cool bugs you and the kid uncover. No yarn need apply!
Sent ya an email.
Hang in there, "here comes the sun", and that always helps big time.
Barb B.
I've been reading for a bit but not sure I've commented (I think I'm becoming a professional lurker but that's neither here nor there)...

anyways, enjoy your weekend with the family! Have tons of fun. It certainly sounds like you're coming out of the "valley" and I hope everything is much much better for you very soon!!
Hang in there. I hate it when people you thought you could trust aren't trustworthy.

Hopefully the kerfluffel with suppliers will work itself out soon and you can get back to a saner lifestyle.

BTW - Rav is great, but I am sick of all of the dissing of indie start-ups. Really, you're a one person operation, how much more can you do? Especially, when you hadn't planned on getting as big as it did so quickly. Being Harlotted is both good and bad.

Dude, I hear you, re: Bad Beast and choosing to ride it through sans meds, have been going through it myself, no day at the beach doesn't even come close.
Huge downhearted sigh re: CF with folks and perhaps sandy vaginas everywhere, even amongst the knitterly type.
Enjoy your next few days with Precious E, making the good time.

seriously, do you pay bloglines for the word verifications?
Hug kid. Check! Since he's the short person (aqnd 19 months old) he gets lots of hugs and kisses every day. (Being a SAHM helps out on that one, a lot.)

Look for bugs--does it count if he did but I didn't? The day had finally gotten nice enough to open the doors/windows without getting too cold, so the back door was open with the screen closed. The short person was fascinated, and hung out by the screen. Then he started toddling straight for me (sitting on the sofa, knitting lace) waving something high in the air--and dropped it on himself before he got to me. It was a czaterpillar. And it was still alive. So I rescued it from him, and tossed it out the back door.
But if you haven't watched Black Sheep, you are completely unprepared for the vengeful zombie wool-bearing monsters! This is a "must-see" training film for anyone involved in the wool business.
But my kid, The Bug, is waiting for your post too. ;-)
XOXO, and please post your recipe for alfredo sauce.
Glad to see you're alive and haven't drunk all of the bleach...
As for the 2 weeks of Easter vacation.. its apparently a slow moving diseased rabbit that was bringing said treats.
Woof, that's a terribly rough 10 weeks. Having an attack of the Black Uglies doesn't help either (and having been there in the very bottom of that well a few times in my life, I truly sympathize; "feeling down" is just NOT the same thing). Some people suck sometimes, but, as I know you know, there are others out there who are worth pulling through for, and it sounds like you're going to spend your weekend with some of them. Enjoy your bugs and your beach :)
You are a wonderful Mom and a fantastic friend. I could never work as hard as you and still have a shred of humor about it. Those who try to drag you down were beneath you to begin with, I hold no hope for them getting any better. You, on the other hand, are aimed for greatness. Albeit your own, odd, immoral and possibly illegal type of greatness.
Meds are not all bad....nor all good, either!

As I keep reminding people in my family, it's no different taking a medication to correct a brain chemistry issue than it is to use a leg prothesis to walk if you are missing a foot...if that is what is necessary.

I hope people that need them take them, and those that don't, don't! And I know of too many people who don't take them because of stigma issues, not medical reasons. And I WISH that appropriate treatment was more available for everyone, because too many people can't afford it....
Enjoy your time with your family; nothing is more important than finding bugs.

"28 Days Later" is indeed a great training film for zombie survival. And I just saw "Black Sheep" last weekend; very funny! "Night of the Lepus" is on my list too.

Preparation is important. We never know when the zombies are coming...
so glad to know that you are still there. Have fun looking for bugs!
Bug hunting is an excellent adventure, except the last time I did that I came home with the Bright Red Bug and my first car payments in 13 years.
Hang in there. There are people who care about you. Oh an do see Black Sheep. It's gross and gory and damn funny. Take care of yourself.
glad you're feeling better (and better) and congrats on the cooking dinner for family thing! You certainly exceeded my definition of "cooking," which does not necessarily require making something hot ;)
Good on ya woman.
I got nuthin' but admiration for someone who so clearly see's what is real and important in life and grabs hold of that.
You are on my short list of blogs I try to stay up with and you're worth it.
<3 <3 <3

and hugs <3
I'm sorry people have been crummy and life has been hard. I get the depression too. When it hits hard, I hang onto the knowledge that I've been there many times before and come out of it okay every time. Also, when dealing with the crummy people (especially trash talking, jealous crummy people), I take shameless, smug satisfaction in knowing I may not be perfect, but at least I am not them. :)
Oh Sweet Cheeks...

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all this. As you well know, mental illness is a daily part of life around here, and sometimes it's not pretty. Depression is a horror that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, and it saddens me greatly to hear that you had such a time of it.

What's that saying? "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Yeah, right. I'd rather not even tangle with it to begin with, thank you very much.

You know you can always call on me for a big shoulder. I'm not going anywhere.

I've missed you something awful, dear heart.
Gack. Depression. Know it well. ::many hugs:: I like to tell people that I'm crazy, and have government papers to prove it. At least it tends to keep the weirdos away on public transport, what with people being so ignorant about depression and all. ;) Sorry about the blabbermouth experience. :(

I hope you're enjoying the kid and the river right now - if you have weather like we do down here, it's a nice, sunny spring day, and you should have plenty of bugs! Unlax and enjoy.
Yeah, depression ain't nobody's friend ('cept maybe the big drug companies.) Been there, still visit there periodically. It sucketh mightily and truly.

I had visions of holding my kid on my lap as I drove my truck down the street. Considering that she's 6'3" now, that would be quite a sight!

I'm in the U.S. right now. Am considering heading up to your neck o the woods late next month. Hoping to see you then.

May things look up for you in all ways. Sometimes Kraft dinner with family and bug hunting in the woods is exactly the ticket. However, the pasta Alfredo sounds not only tasty but positively upscale. As long as it doesn't intersect with any bugs you find today. Enjoy.

Hugs to you and yours.
I'm glad you are better, and are still improving. I'm sending the sun up your way asap. Enjoy!
I just waited patiently (not really my strength so pardon the deranged look on my face) knowing you'd be back when you came up for air.

Take heart, Rabbitch Lady - and take care!
Can't recall if I've ever commented here, though I've been lurking for a few years now.

Hopefully this won't sound too sappy, but I seriously admire you and look up to you. Everyone in my life is sick to damn death of hearing about me "rowing my own damn boat ashore", taken directly from one of your posts some time ago. I emulate your approach to life, and now it seems you need to know how very much you inspire some of us. Life does suck, so very, very hard sometimes, and in some of my darkest hours I actually consider "now what would Rabbitch say or do?" :) Hang in there girl - we all know you'll come shining through! (probably revenge colored, but that's a story for another day hehe!)

Oh, and the ravelry stuff? I totally get you there too! I've dropped out of almost all of the groups in there and very rarely comment. It seems to me everyone is just.this.far.from.the.edge and way too ready and willing to flame everyone around them. I'm in it for the knitting, not the nastiness. What they say doesn't matter anyway - you know the real you!

Hope enjoyed the time with your family.....I bet me and my daughter will be hunting bugs soon!


Zombies would be OK if we could aim that at certain people, I think. But we can't (they are unreliable like that) so I think watching the training films is really the best course of action. You will survive the coming invasion while others will not.

I don't do any of the groups or forums or whatever they are on Ravelry. I'm kind of a nobody, but I hate seeing things about others I know on there. Knitting is my happy place. I don't want it sullied by human nature.

Hang in there! It sounds like you've done all the right things to keep yourself together and take care of yourself.
wwrd -- what would rabbitch do?

i LIKE it. i really LIKE it!

a family member needs rx for depression but can get only the generic under insurance, although national mags have exposed it as not releasing properly but dumping huge dose into one's system at once . it was $168-223/mo to buy the name brand. then we found a canadian pharmacy: $190 for 3 months. o, canada!

if you can do w/o rx,ok, but for my family member, it's like a severe diabetic trying to get by without insulin.

there are good reasons not to use meds, too, and i'm glad your decision works for you.

here's wishing you a long, long period of "normal" happiness, good business and even better friends.
or, to quote my fave toast, from a long-ago "baretta" episode:

champagne to our real friends, real pain to our sham friends!
Glad to hear that you are on your way up and keeping your sense of humor to boot! Have lots of fun with the bugs. Another sure fire dose of happiness and fun...Play dough!! Maybe a future colorway in the making? Enjoy the little ones while you can! We will be waiting when you get back from stomping in the river!
When u r ready, 1st round is on me!
Technically 28 Days Later isn't Zombies. They are infected with the rage, but not killed and reanimated. However, it will still get you ready. For some real protection, try the Zombie Apocalypse Guide. I now know that I need to get out of my apartment post-haste. It is most certainly not Zombie ready.

Good luck with all the rush!
I'm glad you're surfacing semi-intact! I was starting to worry!

I'm sorry that there disappointments during the Harlot inspired Rabbitch Hostage episode. I so wanted you to have a really great ride on the fame highway! And, as for the snarky commenters on Ravelry....not to worry. They just don't have anything else better to do!
Hugs to you, the kid and Mr. Assmuppet!
So glad to hear that you are on the uphill side, and very sorry that you have been on the downhill side. I too know a lot about depression, and I don't allow anyone to talk me into those meds anymore. They may be good for some, but they definitely are not for me.

I do hope I didn't say anything untoward. I don't think I did, I don't think I knew anything, but my stomach sank when I read your post. I'm very sorry you're going through a rough time. I will make an extra effort in the mailing department!

charlizeen on yahoooooooo
Sometimes people just aren't worth the trouble it takes to interact with them.
I've loved meeting you on Ravelry. It's why I now stalk... er, read your blog. As much as it is possible to love a comparative stranger, I love and admire you. Keep up the good fight.

I don't read the forums on Ravelry or indeed anywhere because every forum seems sooner or later to attract at least one person whose sole intention is to cause hurt and disruption. I'm sorry you've been the subject of it.

Also, I would say from personal experience that not wanting to take medication for depression is a symptom of depression, and should be totally disregarded. The world is not a better place for your being hard on yourself, honest.

I hope the family time and the wine went well; especially the wine.
well, fuck.

I'm sorry you're having a shitty time. I'm sorry the bitches on Ravelry have been feeding on your energy. I personally have a theory that all the meanness comes from one or two bitches, but I'm an idiot sometimes, so whatev.

My personal Achielle's heel is criticism, especially if I feel it's unwarranted or based on false information. I recognize this is not a healthy way to process things, but I've never been able to shrug it off.

I take the meds, luv, and highly recommend them if you can afford them. I know that's a big IF. But hey, you're in Canada, so don't you get tons of free drugs?

Well suckity-suck! Sorry to hear you've been down, but sort of relieved to hear that the Black Monster visits others on occasion too and not just me.

Big mouths truly SUCK, but if it makes you feel any better, I have no idea what you are talking about. SO not EVERYONE heard the news!

Take care lovies!
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