Monday, October 01, 2007



It will come as no surprise to most that I am a bit of an overachiever.

Unwilling to be outdone by some stinkin' sheep and her Fall Cold (now with whooping cough!) I have decided to come down with one of my own.

Although right now I am serving merely as The Universal Snot Dispenser, I have all confidence that it will develop into both pneumonia and pleurisy by the end of the week. And creeping gangrene, too, more than likely.

I have had the good fortune to experience this downturn in health during a time at work when we have so little staff that even if I were throwing up bits of lung -- bits of other people's lung, at that -- that I would still have to come to work (and share the bounty of germs that is mine).

Booyah, as all the cool kids say.

Oh and also too, just to add to the current distress, I just heard from an old friend and I can't decide if I have the balls to go or not but there are a bunch of folks getting together in two weeks and I'm invited.

I'd probably see folks I haven't seen in um, 20 years. Maybe close to 30 for some.

I think I'll only go if I manage to lose 30 lbs and get a facelift. And a better career. And maybe an interesting life.

And maybe only if I knit myself some balls, too.

They'd have to be knit & felted balls.. in brass colored yarn.
Or, you could just go whole hog and knit yourself the beanis from anticraft. :P

I still think 5 of those mounted on the wall by the front door would make an awesome coat/hat rack.
I think you should go. It is quite possible that you will look young, glamorous, glowing, and totally fab -- as you do anyway -- next to your old friends, emphasis on the "old". Besides, your sense of humor will put them to shame, and besides that, do any of them have a blog read by millions? Have any of THEM ever met Stephanie Pearl-McPhee? Are they cool enough to even know who She is?

I thought not.
I say go and give em a thrill! It's probable you're just what they need. Here's some virtual chicken soup to help speed up the getting well process...
But you DO have a cool career! How many people do you know go to battle with moths on a regular basis? Moth-slaying is huge, and very hip. Not to mention dying lovely, edible yarn. Knitted balls would be the perfect accessory for such a visit -- you should stuff them with something firm but slightly squishy and wear them tied to your belt. Better than a facelife any day, and with less bruising (not to mention that everyone would be too busy looking at your balls to look at anything else!).
Ah, pleurisy & pneumonia. Nothing like stabbing pain every time you do a life sustaining essential like breathing to be followed by racking coughs and more stabbing pain. Usually, pleurisy & pneumonia season for me occurs in mid-February, right around my birthday.
Feel better Ms Rabbitch.

Go. We like you and think you'll do just fine.
Well, at least balls would be easy to knit. Or you could just take raw fibre and felt them.

Felt balls *snigger*
Ugh. I hope you feel better soon.
I think Jen of JenLa's got some Llama balls she could send you, if you needed 'em.
Do you think they come in strap-on?

Go check out Franklin's yarn bra. I think that would be more useful. You could impress the fellow attendees with your Fair Isle skills.
Poor Rabbitch! I hope your drugs will be as good as those the sheep got.
Hey hey! Sick over here too, hacking out what's left of my lungs. Hope yours stay on the inside! Get well soon!
Oh dear! Watch out for that pneumonia...I now get it once a year and it is rather unpleasant. But you get amazing drugs with it that make you all happy and not caring so much about getting facelifts. That's sort of worth the price of admission...

I'm hoping this cold isn't something that gets passed through the internet. I'd feel kind of guilty if I weren't on the amazing drugs!
I'm taking a break from my ebola to request you put jingle bells inside those balls. I may still have Bud's wooly scrotum around here somewhere if you don't feel like knitting one.
knitted balls would help with all that public speaking, too-- I think that's an awesome idea. I'm sympathetic to all the ailing ones, sheep AND bunnies. Virtual chicken soup coming your way!
It's really the consumption you have to watch out for. Coz then you have to wrap up in a big wooly shawl and wander the misty rainy moors until you succumb,and then we'll all have to take shifts prostrating ourselves on your grave. And the weather's really too nasty for that. (But at least there's a good chance the shawl would be beautifully knit in gorgeous yarn....)

Feel better!

PS - I think you should go to this "do" and tell them you invented the word "assbeagle." What higher achievement could there be?
Aw, g'wan.

Felt/Knit/Grow the balls if necessary, and then you can pelt people with them.
I knit a ball once as a cat toy. It turned out pretty cool. I'd forgotten all about that.

Good luck keeping all your body parts (except the snot)...
Ms. Q has a very good point about the invention of the ever popular "assbeagle". There is no greater achievement!
Fake it. A push up bra, tummy control support hose and a crapload of makeup. I bet those Christmas ornament things would hang just like a real set of cahonies too.
Oh please, you totally have an interesting career. As others have mentioned: moth-slaying, profanity invention, yummy yanr creation, and most importantly, filling the knitblog world with humor, one coffee-and-snot-covered keyboard at a time!
Forget the rest - knit some balls, stash some of the good drugs you're hopefully getting, and show up stoned, semi-snotted and be-balled. Drink a lot and talk about assbeagles and dyeing all night, without specifying that "dyeing" refers to yarn, not mortality. I guarantee you'll be the most interesting person there!
Take the good drugs. You don't want to snot all over your 18-hour bra. I think if you get snot on them, they only last for 16.
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