Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Sheepless in Seattle

Oh man, where did the time go? It's Tuesday again and I'm coming up briefly for air here. Fortunately I can hold my breath a long time.

The week has been a bit of a clusterfuck, but anyone who's been reading along at home for the last few years (or even just a week or two) knows that that's pretty much the status quo, Chez Lapin. "All Work, All The Time" is the new motto around here, as I've been booked to work every weekend (except two, I believe) until the end of the year. The main job continues to be a bucket of screaming hell and I'm not going to take it an awful lot longer. Plans are afoot. And ahead. And quite possibly ahand, too.

There is, however, a certain amount of joy in Mudville at the moment. I am on vacation (although "vacation" seems to include working at my second job. Shut up.) This week, formerly known as "The Glorious Week I Have Off Work So That I Can Attend Rhinebeck" was quickly downgraded to "The Glorious Week I Have Off So That I Can Clean The Bathroom And Maybe Shave My Legs" after the demise of my husband's employment. It has now been upgraded again to "The Glorious Week I Have Off So That I Can Clean The Bathroom, Work At My Other Job And Also Go To Seattle".

This has been made possible despite the lack of car through the joy that is Amtrak.(We managed, by dint of judicious non-payment of bills, to find enough money for a rusty bucket of bolts this week. However, apparently we didn't find enough time to buy one. One of us is in trouble for this, and it's not me.) Seemingly I have sufficient identification to cross the border, and it's only $28 to get from here to Seattle.

I shall be on the noon train tomorrow.

Just in case you're planning on stalking me, if you would be so kind as to bring a large coffee -- black, no sugar -- and a toasted bagel I'd be very appreciative.

If I have any regrets at all it's that I won't have time to go get a t-shirt printed with "assbeagle" on it. I had promised Crazy Aunt Purl that I would wear that and sit right front and centre at her book signing in Seattle tomorrow night, however although I'll be there, apparently I will also be square.

(No, wearing a t-shirt with "assbeagle" on it is not square. It's also not at all peculiar.)

I'll be staying with some friends who have generously offered me a place to sleep for two nights (well they sort of had to, after I asked) and who have promised not to put a hedgehog down my pants.

I'll take the camera. Watch for an update on Saturday.

Argh on no Rhinebeck, but Laurie and a cheapish trip is a decent substitute! And no time to print a T? Ok, so it's primitive, it's makeshift, but it can be done!

1) Print out "assbeagle", reversed, in mondo-huge type on plain paper, make an extra dark photocopy; iron it on like a transfer. Won't be as dark as a real transfer, but supposedly it sorta works. Maybe you can sneak the copy at work? If too faint-
2) Fill it in with felt pen. Or cheap fabric paint. Whatever.
3) Freehand the sucker.

What, maybe half an hour? Hell, you could color it in on the train ride. You can always tell any nosy people that the Home doesn't let you out on your annual 'free' day unless you promise to do your art therapy.

(Yeah, I'm just full of happy helpful shit the last few days. Must be the "start of the school year" vibes or something. Or I need some art therapy.)
Have a great time! I'll be the lone blogger this weekend, again.
Oooh, Monica, that art therapy line is sweet. Well done.

Off to finish crying my eyes out since I won't be meeting Rabbitch at Rhinebeck this year... sniffle...
I am so jealous that you get to see, and maybe even meet, Laurie!

If I had time, and a car, I would drive the eight hours down to the Mall of America, but alas, it is not to be.

Have fun!
Assbeagle, sounds like a great CafePress t-shirt!
I'm so jealous you get to meet Aunt Purl! I SO would have made you that shirt if you'd said anything about it sooner!
Do please find a nice t-shirt (preferably one of the DH's) and a big black marker and scrawl Assbeagle across the front. Extra points if it looks like serial killer handwriting. Double extra points if you then wash it, fold it, and return it to the DH's drawer without him noticing. Until he puts it on.
Quickie t-shirt stencil:

Dark t-shirt (warning, purple often goes bright pink)

Liquid cleanser with bleach (Like "Soft-scrub" or similar brand)
(Failing that, a throw-away spray bottle and straight bleach diluted by 1/2, or by 1 part bleach in 2 parts water if it's the 5% kind.)


Plastic bag (for inside shirt so it doesn't bleach through)

Hot water to rinse it in as soon as the color has changed

Test bleach on inside back hem of shirt first. One cheap bleach cleanser I tried didn't work a-tall. Plus then you can see what color the fabric will turn.

Put plastic bag inside shirt.
Put stencil on shirt.
Lay shirt in tub or shower.
Apply bleach cleanser or spray bleach solution.
Wait tensely until color changes.
Rinse out with hot water ASAP after color change.
Launder normally (just in case the bleach was too strong and the lettering falls out -- hasn't happened to me but would be good to know in advance).

Ta-da. (Mine says "Introvert", not "Assbeagle". :)
Isn't it great that you have readers who are more than happy to help you spread the joy of assbeagle?

Glad you can run away from Chez Lapin for a while. Have fun!
Times like these call for a gal to tap into the inner trailer park personality within - if you don't have that persona - don't worry - cuz whether or not you want to, you have me. A pack of sharpies (wash proof) can be obtained at a grocery or some place that will surely be near the train stop. Go wild, get colors! Use your grocery (or whatever store you get it from) bag to place between the front and back of the shirt so no bleeding occurs. Then, assbeagle design and color all the way there. It will stifle any un-welcomed chatty neighbors (they'll be high off the sharpies and probably fall out of their chairs) and you'll be all set to awe Ms. Laurie. Tell her I say, Hi ya'll.
No hedgehogs? I'm deeply disappointed!
Huh. I was gonna comment and tell you to print "ASSBEAGLE" on a 9"x12" (23cm x 30cm) piece of cardboard and hang it around your neck. But many other commenters, far more creative than I, have weighed in ahead. I particularly like the household bleachy-cleanser one, although "art therapy" and "inner trailer park" are awfully nice as well.

But you really must do something because it will be regaled all over blogland, not to mention making Laurie gigglesnort so much she will have carbonated beverage coming out her [cute little southern] ears.
Clusterfucks ahoy!
I'm glad you're getting to go to Seattle, should be all kinds of good times, definitely, I am gonna want to hear that you did indeed get 'Assbeagle' on a shirt... and slipping it into Ben's drawer afterward? oh yeah.
You want cream cheese on that toasted bagel?
Get a white t-shirt and superglue Assbeagle to the front of it in giant headline magazine letters.
Well, it's clear that neglecting to find time to get an assbeagle t-shirt made is no excuse for not having one by the time you get off the train! I'm thinking I may need to try one or two of these ideas myself... Enjoy your trip to Seattle -- it's not Rhinebeck, but it's certainly not bad!
I was going to suggest the bleach solution but I was beat to it. Fantastic with Bleach works wonderfully for bleaching clothes, whether you intended to or not. Have fun!
Have a great time and wave to CAP for those of us on the other side of the country! I like the idea of fudging an AssBeagle shirt...a promise is a promise, after all! :)
I'd ditch the idea of cleaning the bathroom! I'm holding out for the man of the house to do it - not sure how much longer I can hold out though!
The Coffee Bean yarn knit up beautifuly!
Thanks, Carol! And man, I love the other suggestions! Especially the ransom-note style, Dorothy. ::mad giggling:: Hee...while the Bunny's away, the lettuce will play...

I really, really think we need Assbeagle T-shirts from the shop, don't you guys agree? Seriously. Then we all subtly direct any HS/college age kids we know to Rabbitch's store. Between them and the knitters, she could get rich! (Or could she wangle a deal with Canadian Tire? Would they sell something like that? Sorry, clueless American here. I have visions of Assbeagle T-shirts spread across Canada...and certain parts of the US.)
I thought briefly about snapping a photo of Laurie hugging you across the table when she realized who you were, even without an identifying T-shirt, but was still contemplating release forms when the whole thing was over.

Let's hope tomorrow's big storm goes far enough north that it neither dampens your vacation here nor hits at home while you aren't there.
How lovely! Train ride and Crazy Aunt Purl in one day!

And I'm so glad you actually get to ride a train. I made a reservation from here up to Vancouver BC in 1990, only to find that the Seattle-Vancouver part was BY BUS. Can you imagine? Had my sister (then in Seattle) drive me up instead.

Have been distracted by starting a hat for Dad so you may have pulled ahead of me in our Great Palindrome Race. I'm at 39".
Hey! So nice to see you even if I couldn't conjure up your real name and/or have the guts to yell 'Rabbitch!' in that short space of time! I hope you had a great time. We sure did, short as it was!
And I found you too. Thank you so much for a great afternoon - I learned so much, even if I did find that I need a lot of work if I want to be a spinner. And thanks for the yarn - I'm going to call it Woodland Fairy, even if you haven't named it - better than Son of Forest Canopy for me, anyway. LOL

I'll be checking your blog somemore. Look forward to more of your iknitible style.
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