Thursday, October 11, 2007


No, No, A Thousand Times No!

I'd rather die than say yes.

(with apologies to anyone reading this who may be under the age of, oh, i don't know ... ninety? i think this was some old music hall song or something.)

Today our (very young, very large) security guard asked me, for the second time, if I would knit him a sweater. I said no. For the second time.

And then he offered me $50.

OK, I know how much he makes so that's a fair chunk for him but still -- the dude's a bit of a mountain. There's a good chance that that would buy enough acrylic for a sweater for him, but nothing else.

I told him that I didn't knit for money (and at the rate I go, this is a good thing) but if I did, it would cost him at least $700. And that's if I wanted to do it, which I don't.

On the one hand I'm flattered that he's interested in knitting (he asked me to haul my knitting out of my bag so that he could see it) and that he likes what I'm doing enough to ask for a sweater, but on the other hand ...

I told him to go to Zellers instead if he wanted a sweater for $50 and that I only knit for love. I was polite enough not to tell him that I was willing to pretend that sex was love. I wasn't sure if he'd have a heart attack and fall over (I have to be 20 years older than him) or if he'd offer, in which case I'd die of embarrassment on the spot (but not before politely declining).

Sheesh. At least the last one who asked me to knit for her only wanted a scarf. (And got one, too).

(oh, and does anyone know a good -- inexpensive -- sweater-designing template/software package/instruction manual? the man i am sleeping with wants a cabled sweater and i think i'm going to have to design it myself to get exactly what we want.)

If you have a spreadsheet program(me), there's a knitting font you can use in it to chart things. That's the cheapest option I can think of, but I don't know links. Because I clearly suck. But I'm sure someone else will know.
you should have offered to teach him to knit. then HE'D be spending the umpty billion dollars it would take to clothe his big ass.
Shoot me an email, Rab-beyotch, and I will run whatever numbers you need on mine. It's so cheap it's free.

I tell people all the time that if they want knitted socks from me, it'll cost them $200. That shuts them up pretty quick. This hobby ain't cheap, and my time is worth something too.
I second what dragon knitter said. You know, give a man a fish...blah blah blah. I don't blame you in the least for declining, though I also understand about feeling a little bad. Non-knitters just don't understand the amount of time that goes into creating a garment that big, and they're used to paying wal-mart prices for clothes. Ergo, I repeat, you should just teach him to knit. Then he won't be a non-knitter, and he'll get it.
What gets me are the people who think I'll knit them something just out of the goodness of my heart. Neither my heart nor my pocketbook have that much goodness. Now, if these moochers had something nice to barter, like, say, if they made shoes, or cowboy hats, or jewelry, then we'd be in business.
so funny.
knit a man a sweater and he has only one sweater. TEACH a man to knit, well...
egads. did I just (sortof) quote scripture? -shudder-
I do find it amusing that the man you are sleeping with deserves a hand-knit sweater. he must be good. ;)
I feel bad saying no to the ones who say, "Ooooh, it's soooo beautiful. Would you please oh please knit me something?" The ones I DON'T feel bad about denying, like my sister in law, say, "I want a hat and scarf. Not too fancy or anything. You should go ahead and make that for me."
A friend of mine wanted a Ravenclaw scarf for Halloween. He asked me this a few weeks ago, and I'm a grad student. So I laughed at him and explained how freakin' long those things take. I do love him, and I promised him a hat forever ago, so he bought the scarf online and I am making him a hat. He really had no idea how much he was asking, and was very apologetic when I explained, so I was ok with it.
I had a similar situation once. I knit some fingerless mitts for one of my employees partly--believe it or not--in my capacity as her manager because in the winter our offices can get deathly cold and, as technical writers who type 8 hours a day, our hands need to be warm. Another employee (who is, in the interest of full disclosure, also a friend but can be a diva sometimes) saw the mitts and demanded I knit her a pair, too, but I solved that problem by telling her that I would if she brought me some yarn. Four years later, I'm still waiting for the yarn. Ta-dah!
Here's a free knitting graph creator
That's as cheap as it gets.
If you *do* teach him to knit, you'd better post pictures. Burly male knitters are always fun to see, especially when they're knitting socks.

Sorry, I wish I could help with the software, but I opened the comments to see what other people were recommending, myself. Let us know what you come up with!
People are always 'asking' me to make them stuff as soon as they hear that I sew, knit, spin, and find other ways to make tiny knots. I used to try to explain - back when I still had compassion. Now, I've moved onto complacency at best and just ignore, ignore, ignore - you know, the grown woman's version of 'la la la, I can't hear you....'. Excuse me, what did you say?
I'm de-lurking on this one - I resent when people say "Well, you knit, make (fill in the blank) for me." That's when I tell them how much the yarn would cost, and how much I would charge per hour to knit. They get kind of sick looks of horror on their faces and drop the subject quickly. I think it's because they're used to cheap imported hand-knits (I'm not denigrating the overseas knitters, who are attempting to make a living) and don't understand what it really costs to hand-knit something.
I have a very dear friend who, every time she sees me knitting something, says that I could knit one of those for her. I laugh, as if it were a joke, because I just don't have enough time and money in the world to knit doubles of everything! (I did knit her a scarf for her birthday, I'm not evil, but socks frankly are for family members; no one else gets to wear my knitting on their feet.)

I'm with the teach him to knit crowd -- that'd get rid of him fast enough!
I used to use the "I'll teach you how..." line when guys would ask me to knit something for them, but then 2 of my male co-workers came in with yarn and needles and I had to make good on my word. One of them made his girlfriend (now wife) a scarf, and now she knits. The other makes hats and scarves for his family for Holiday gifts.
I don't have any software, but I really like Maggie Righetti's Sweater Design in Plain English.
I also checked out Aran Knitting (the Alice *more one) from the library once and it had good design-your-own stuff for cables. I ain't paying $200 for it, but the library was free and I could have it for 3 weeks. They might have the Righetti book too.
you might check out janet szabo's books-she has excellent aran stuff.
when i've had people tell me, 'you should knit me a sweater', i offer to teach them to knit, and only rarely does the person take me up on my offer. i once told someone, 'what do you think i am, a common knittitute?' i only knit for love...
Eeeshta! Large, too. Bog. Does he want it when he's 40? Oh yeah. Teach him to knit...uh, if you had the time. ;)

The Wool Works site has links on knitting software of various types (some dead):
Lot of price ranges; first one listed, for instance, starts at $200! ::thud:: Cochenille is $165. Fortunately, there are two others listed that'd do what you want:

Knitware Design, near as I can tell, is the cheapest of the "will actually design sweater" software; $50 if you d'load direct from their site. Then there's the one I have: Knitting Software's Sweater Wizard 3.0 (and two version upgrade d'loads you should also get from their site, free); $89. While I've never actually knit a sweater from it yet, I've come up with a few patterns and like it. And it'll go up to bigger sizes than KD. Main drawback for cabled sweaters w/be that it only centers one stitch pattern - you'd have to work the rest out yourself (see article link below), or also buy the same company's Stitch & Motif Maker software for the charts. (I haven't.) You can read a review covering pros and cons of SW at the Knitter's Review site:

Then whatever you get, grab a used copy of the Harmony Guide's 220 Aran Stitches and Patterns, which not only has scads of cables, etc., in chart and written form with excellent photos, but a fairly decent overview on how to put 'em together in a sweater.

Knitting fonts, both free:
Aire Design

Knitter's Magazine symbols font - also the key, separate d'load - find at very bottom of this page:
Hmm, I commented on a hat a customer was wearing yesterday, a nice handspun, hand knit simple hat. She somewhat apologized for the fact that she paid $20 for it. I told her that she got a bargain, just the yarn for the hats I am making my family is almost $6 each, plus my time (which as a student/fulltime worker is even more precious.)

Just say no.
This is exactly why I live in FL. Well, I like to think it was so conveniently planned that way...
Grrr....I know he meant well but...grrrr none the less. I find it really irritating when people assume that my time is worth less than theirs.
I am with the I'll teach you to knit crowd also. I have had a few takers (very few) but hey..if they want it bad enough. Most will try a few rows, find out that it actually takes time and skill and give up, but...they never ask me to make them another thing.
Hon, your young mountainous security guard is totally hitting on you.

Gawd, he is SO hitting on you.
I am dealing with a co-worker (who is also a dear friend) commenting recently that she's never received a hand knitted object from me - this came up recently when I whipped out a shawl for another co-workers friend with cancer.

I just informed her that I have never knit something for another person who was not related to me unless they were dying.

She shut up.

I agree that the security guard should be taught to knit - then you could ask him to make YOU something in return.
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