Sunday, August 05, 2007


I Am Death

You know how Terry Pratchett has that character in all of his Discworld stories -- Death? And there is the other little character, Death of Rats?

I am Death of Techmology.

Death of anything even vaguely mechanical, that is. I'm surprised I'm still allowed to have a phone, such as it is (you'd laugh if you saw it).

Two days ago I was trying to sleep ... I came home from work so tired that I could hardly walk the 2 blocks to get here (on top of the 10 blocks in between the other two buses). I fell on my head and was out cold, but there was this noise of a horrible engine. I assumed the guy next door was working on his car and kept waking and passing out and waking, and thinking I should ask him to stop for a bit and then passing out again.

Finally I got up to ask him to stop for just two hours so that I could sleep (if it really had been him he would have stopped immediately and apologized, my neighbours are way cool) and as I passed the utility room I realized the noise was coming from my furnace.

The gas furnace.

It shouldn't be making noise like that.

So I called Terasen (the best gas company EVAR, their customer service rocks hard) and then grabbed the kid and ran outside just in case, and they sent someone out to find out if I was about to be blown up. E and I only had to sit on the front porch for about half an hour, if that -- they were very fast.

Turns out it was a clogged filter that had broken and dropped down onto the motor and seeing there's a fan going all the time it was creating all sorts of dreadful noises.

He turned it off, and also cut off the gas to the furnace until we get it fixed.

This is not a bad thing -- it's August, it's warm here, and we rent so the District will have to fix it. It won't be a big surprise, that furnace has been failing for a while.

But dudes, I was freaked.

And then today. My day "off" (ha!). After running about and doing business and banking type stuff until about 11am (I got off work at 8) I came home and decided that maybe having clean dishes would be a good thing.

And so I started washing dishes. And when I went back to dry them, there was a puddle on the floor. I assumed I had splooshed and put a towel there and thought no more of it.

And then I washed more dishes, being careful not to sploosh, however when I went back there was a BIG puddle.

So I opened up the door under the sink and sure enough, the left sink is leaking like a sumbitch.

Again, I'm a renter so the District will have to fix it. But dudes. What's next?

I'm slightly superstitious (not bigtime) and I always make a point of never asking "What's next?" because some motherfucker always answers. But apparently this makes no difference in my life right now.

So ... Jesus Christ on a Syphilitic Weasel, WHAT THE FUCK IS NEXT???

Someone will steal your favorite can opener?
these things go in threes, you know. But because they have been of decreasing danger, the last will be minor. A blown fuse perhaps. But to be annoying there won't be a spare, and you'll be in the middle of something. Like trying to make a margarita or take a crap. So even though it's minor, it's sucky still. Because the universe is a bitch. But remember, it's the last one. *mwah*
Well, I remember having to buy a new refrigerator and a new hot water heater in the same month. That was a bitch. But hey, congratulations on not being blown up! Woohoo! Not being blown up is one of my favorite things!
Amen. Not getting blown up rocks. Having a day like that and not curled up in a ball and babbling to yourself like a Teletubbie is impressive.
I believe you're way past three in the last few weeks. Maybe you're going for 3x3?

Hope you get a couple good nights of sleep soon.
Oh, man. You sound like me, except it was Saturday. My phone wouldn't work (none of them), my dishwasher wouldn't drain, and I couldn't find the cordless that goes by my bed. And someone called my cell, which decided to answer by itself, but then she couldn't hear me, and hung up.

I had a tantrum. Muchbetternow.
Maybe some planet is in retrograde or something? Because my washing machine stopped working tonight....
I think you should tell the universe that you're counting Janna's washer as your Third Bad Thing, and that you're done. And she can count your furnace and sink as her Other Two Bad Things, also done. No more please, we've had our three.
I would stay far away from the bathroom if I were you ;)
And btw... what is techmology?
What, it only has to be household stuff dying? I should think the car would've been the first! And there was the lack of interwebs, so see, you're actually onto #4 by now at least, coming up on #5, which means you're apparently going into karmic credit, whereby you're getting all this shit out of the way ahead of time while the District will repair it instead of you having to pay for it, which means that eventually you'll be thankful and may be able to refrain from trying to destroy the Universe out of a mistaken idea that you're being persecuted, when from frustration, stress, and apprehension of whatever's next, plus lack of sleep/beer/full-fat cheese, you go totally batshit and giving up any and all attempts at saintliness, you decide that all along your destiny, despite previous evidence, has really been to become an Evil Overlord.

Only just to be sure, I'd check out the water heater. Furnace, then sink - the progression seems obvious, dude. Just sayin'.
Next, pigeons will roost in your china closet.

(I'm trying to think creatively.)
I see Franklin decided to be the motherfucker this time.

Good thing the District is paying for all this stuff. Sounds kind of like you're living in the Matrix. The District rules.
Long years ago when I worked in computer repair, we called this being "snakebit." It's a period of time when everything you touch turns to shit.

It goes away after a period of making you miserable and convinced that you can do NOTHING right.
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