Sunday, April 01, 2007


The Story of Bum and Ice Cube

Once upon a time, thee was a little boy named Bum, and a little girl named Ice Cube, and they lived on an island in the middle of the sea.

There were all sorts of magical things there. There were flying cats, talking horses and dancing weasels.

Everyone lived in harmony under the rule of Bum and Ice Cube until one day the talking horses came to them, very upset.

They said, Bum and Ice Cube, we understand that the weasels can't help themselves, and have to dance all day and night, but lately they've been coming around at breakfast time and they dance on the table and their feet get in our porridge. And they don't wash their feet so much, so we end up with a table covered in porridge smelling of weasel feet and really, no self-respecting horse would eat weasel stinking porridge, so by lunchtime we're pretty bitchy and hungry like you wouldn't believe.

And it's making us pretty cranky.

So Bum and Ice Cube had to go and talk to the weasels, and they said we understand that you need to dance but really, a moment or two spent on personal hygiene wouldn't really be that big a burden. And if you don't mind, could you keep your feet out of the horses' porridge?

And the weasels said oh, so sorry, we could just dance on the soap and then in the bath and skip the horses' porridge if you'd leave out some toast for us afterwards.

And everyone lived happily ever after. And nobody had to eat any stinking porridge.

The End.

this is an excerpt from The Tales of Bum and Ice Cube, with which I used to amuse my daughter for hours. I'd forgotten about them and then tonight Ben reminded me of Bum and Ice Cube and I thought if I don't write it down now, it'll be gone forever. This isn't quite how it went when we first invented it, but it's close. I don't think the horses cussed so much back then.

Too funny!
That's wonderful! I totally thought you were writing a published story, and I worried for you on copyright issues =) If you can draw, I'd say you could publish a book. Neat!
Why don't the weasels ever dance on my soap?
Just don't sell the movie rights unless you can stipulate in the contract that Kevin Costner will not be involved.
You are too much! You really should publish a book (you could do two versions, kiddie version and adult version)). I know I'd buy it :-)
find an illustrator...make this a rock
"The Adventures of Bum and Ice Cube" It could be the new Harry Potter. Well, not exactly, because TAoBaIC would be a series of picture books instead of novels, but still. Wouldn't you rather write and publish (and maybe illustrate) a series of children's books than what you do for money now?

Seriously. Think about it.
OMG, you need to be published on actual paper. That's a great story!
Forgot to add, I'm offering my illustration services. I can draw horsies really well.
First post from me here. Hi, Rabbitch. You are too funny. Love reading your posts. Hope the job crisis is resolved.

Too funny!

How horrible is it that I half-expected to read another story about falling down, and perhaps a photo of another bruise shaped like a country? Very glad it was an animal tale instead :)
What lucky children you have - and now us readers too! Thanks for the story.
You must write a book! Really, why not? It's a great story!
Apparently, your public has spoken. If you do write a book, just promise you won't go all "that-other-blogger-who-spits-out-books-so-fast-you'd-think-she eats-ex-lax-and-shits-them" on us. I kind of like it that you ours, ours, all ours. Of course, I would love it if you popped out posts at the aforementioned rate. You make my day! And not just because I'm easily amused.
So what about the flying cats? We need to read more about Bum and Ice Cube.
And on which part of the island did the assbeagles live?
I love that story.
Some days I worry about you. Strangely, this is not one of those days.
That's the best kids story I've read in forever! MORE PLEASE!
Would you please treat us to another Bum & Ice Cube story every once in a while, Auntie Bunny? Pretty please? We'll be good. Really. We won't be greedygut fiberweasels begging you every single day. Honest.
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