Sunday, March 25, 2007

 

An Unneccessary Product


I come from a generation that is ... well, uncomfortable with the scents of the body.

When I was growing up (this presumes that I may now be grown up, which may well be a matter for later debate) we were inundated with lotions, potions, deodorants and perfumes, all designed to mask the fact that body parts ... well, they have odours.

I tell friends that my mother had her armpits removed as a special treat for her last birthday, so that she now officially has no body part that smells. The other bits were removed in the '70s.

But really. People smell. And most of them smell nice. Massengill and other companies have made a fortune out of products designed to make things that smell perfectly, well, thingie, smell like a springtime forest or a summer rain, when all one really needs to do to keep any body part smelling fresh (barring any sort of medical condition) is to bathe on a regular basis.

For the ladies, if there is a slight imbalance, a little vinegar and water or some yogurt will fix it right up. Or, you know, you could go and spend $15 on something you don't need.

I'm sure that there's a hit out on me right now for sharing that information and destroying a million dollar enterprise.

Anyhow, I seem to have gotten myself into a position where I have to produce rather a lot of dyed yarn within the next month. So I went out and bought a couple of slow cookers today and tonight did my first bit of crockpot dyeing so that I could be productive while also wasting my time drinking beer and playing trivia.

I decided to do it in my studio, which isn't particularly well-vented (this point will be important later in the story) using the new pot I got for like $7 at the Sally Ann.

I scoured the yarn and threw it into the crockpot and put the dye on it and then turned it on and put the lid on.

And I have just spent the last six hours sitting in a room reeking of scorched sheep and vinegar.

And I beseech you, Massengill, do not ever go into the business of manufacturing sheep douches. I cannot think of a smell that is more foul than frying sheephair mixed with vinegar.

As an aside, I think that although this yarn (sisu) is not very nice, this may be one of the nicest things I have ever dyed. I'll be doing all of my crockpot dyeing outside on the covered patio from now on, though. I'm pretty much close to fainting here.

And now I'm going to go and chew on my shoes for a while to get this smell out of my head.

Eww.

Sheepdouche. Just say no.

Comments:
As the daughter of a science teacher, I must point out several possible flaws in your scientific method. Unless said yarn is made from sheep PUBES, do we really know that ODS (Ovine Deodorant Spray) will cause this same odor? Moreover, any frat boy in America (and I do realize you live in the great nation of Canada) can tell you that to achieve true odoriferous versimilitude, you would need to throw some tuna into the crockpot.

Just sayin', dude.
 
Oh My Gawd! I'm just going to sit here and giggle insanely for a little while. *snort* sheepdouche!
 
At this very moment, I'm not sure whether I'm more scared of you or Carol...
 
I think I'm with Rachel ... but there may be SOME situations in which sheep douche COULD be useful, if you think about it ... hey, Rabbitch, how about when going to work and you want to tick off those special coworkers of yours?!
 
Sheepdouche. Whoa what a scary thought! Goes against my smell senses too.
 
Carol tells the awful truth.
Wait till you get the silk blends in there. Sheepdouche and bug's ass!
 
We attend to avoid most odoriferous products in our house, aside from a few essential oils. Deodorants - even the "natural" ones - make me break out horribly, so I figure it's better to shower more than to be constantly scratching my pits. Fortunately, I'm long past the fragrant adolescent period of my life. Curiously, or perhaps not, I find that I tend to be more fragrant after a shift at work, where I wear a poly/cotton scrub top, than I ever am at home, where I wear mostly cotton shirts. Unless, of course, I've been on the receiving end of some alpaca spit. The only help for that is to wash everything ASAP.
 
Even the comments have me clutching my sides and in tears. Sheepdouche!?! LOL!!!

Eh-heh....

OK. Now that I've recovered a tad, may I please request more information on the concept of Crockpot dyeing? It sounds very efficient and I'd love to have a use for the old thing (the crockpot). TYIA...
 
I once went outside to set some grommets in a quilted bag at about 10pm at night and my dog decided to protect me from the skunk that was out there. Skunk sprayed dog, I received the overspray at about 3', OMG! I tasted skunk spray for about a week! It was horrible, the wind was coming from the west and it swept through the entire house, I kept asking people if I smelled like skunk (not a good ice breaker) because I couldn't smell anything else and couldn't tell. Is it legit to call in sick do to offensive smell?
 
Oh goddess... Between you and the comments, I may end up in the hospital!

I can strongly recommend against ever trying to use RIT dye remover. Not as, uh, earthy as sheepdouche, but for a "will I survive this smelly and poisonous assault?" chemical experience, despite major fan-blowing, it's gotta be one of the winners. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call a HazMat team.

And it didn't do a damned thing to remove any dye from the friggin' silk. I knew silk held onto dye like a Viking did loot, but spray-on silk flower dye? Oh yeah. In fact, I think it made the colors more brilliant, which was kinda the problem in the first place!
 
You gotta get in on the douche business. They got summer's eve, but you got Ewe in You, Evening in Parisite or how about Barnyard Disposables, they'll bring out the animal in ewe! After all, folks will buy it!
 
Oh. My. God. No one can make me laugh hysterically the way you can.

I can think of something that would smell almost as bad, though, and that would be alpaca douche. The first time I wet blocked an alpaca lace shawl, my husband, long used to the odure of wet wool, came into the spare bedroom bellowing, "What the hell is that smell?!?"

Think about it. You could make up a line and add it to your online shop!
 
my dear woman - what would I do without your valuable advice!

Leave it to you to creat the image in my mind of a 'pickled vagina' line.
 
I love the blog that you have. I was wondering if you would link my blog to yours and in return I would do the same for your blog. If you want to, my site name is American Legends and the URL is:

www.americanlegends.info

If you want to do this just go to my blog and in one of the comments just write your blog name and the URL and I will add it to my site.

Thanks,
David
 
eau de ewe? eewwwwww!

your post reminded me of reading 20+ years ago about someone who knitted caps and scarves from her dogs' combed-out undercoat. she claimed to have a way to keep it from smelling like wet pooch, but i forget what it was. and i found it hard to believe that was possible anyway.

a. nonnie mouse
 
My niece told me that her vet said to use douche products to remove cat-stink from various items. It may also help against skunk. Other skunk-stink removers that I've heard of are strong tomato juice, petroleum products, and hanging the item in the smoke from burning hay.

Oddly, I didn't laugh out loud until I got to "chew on my shoes"...
 
mmm, burned sheep 'n' vinegar.
You need to try alpaca and vinegar for the complete eau de WTF experience. I swear that alpaca smells nastier wet than any natural fiber I've ever had the pleasure of sniffing.
 
Yup, I was dying this past weekend and I left the yarn on the stove too long, and I don't think it will ever smell like yummy wool goodness ever again. Burnt sheep and vinigar...yech!
-Amy
 
Doucheing sheep - goodness, that takes me back....usually in freezing weather with an amazingly ungrateful ewe.
 
sheep douche? oh my. get thee some fresh air woman!
 
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