Saturday, January 13, 2007


In Which I Discover A Problem

Oh dudes, four and a half hours with my mouth wide open while some guy shoves pointy things in there, breaks several teeth, rebuilds said teeth and then sends me home with a pat on my pointy noggin and a large dental bill (my insurance will pay about half) and not even a new toothbrush to show for it.

It is to weep.

And then I got home, set the trap and went to bed, only to wake up this morning to a tripped trap and no ratparts. I'll try it again later today when I go to The Wal-Mart to get a gun a bunch more plastic tubs (remember The Curse of The Rubbermaid) to store my beloveds in (the yarn, fleece, roving, etc. -- not my family, they can get ratbit all they want) because I'd really rather be out of the house when it happens. I figure if there's ever a trial I'd like to be able to prove I was elsewhere.

And so now for the problem. As y'all know I've been going to the dentist a lot lately, partially because my teeth are complete and utter hell and need to be fixed (thanks to years of dentalphobia and thin enamel plus high sensitivity and, apparently, nerves that grew far closer than expected to the surface of the tooth which explains a few things but I digress.) and partially because I have kick-ass dental insurance and the dentalphobia is gone and I might as well get all prettied up just in case I have to appear in public without a bag on my head any time soon. And so I've been making my appointments generally on a Friday morning. That's the time the dentist's office is most likely to have a vacancy, and also too, well ... there's the daytime TeeVee.

I have never ever watched much in the way of TV. It's boring, it's stupid, everyone on the screen is thinner than me. You know, the usual.

But my dentist has a TV on the ceiling of every treatment room and apparently in the last couple of months I have become some sort of daytime TV junkie. There are AMAZING shows on ... Canada's Worst Handyman! Man, why did nobody tell me about this? It relieves the pain a whole lot (trust me on this one) to watch some total boob try to cut an entire floor's worth of vinyl covering, make a small cut and then just rip (he had enough left for a placemat, really) and then some other person cut the vinyl properly, only to place the flooring in the bathtub, spread glue over the entire floor and then stand in the doorway, forlornly peering at the vinyl in the tub, way on the other side of the room (he rescued it with a broom handle and ended up doing a half-way passable job).

I also really love whatever show it is ... I forget the name, but it should be called "Aren't You Embarrassed To Be Such a Skank?" I mean really, they go into these people's houses and take pictures and then clear it up and organize it for them. Now, I hate being judgemental here (that's clearly a lie) but in many cases these people either have no children, or have at least one stay-at-home parent. Um, how much effort does it take to put the newspaper in the recycling bin after you read it? There is NO NEED for a table piled three feet deep with crap. And believe me, if there was a need I would know about it, 'cause I'm the messiest most disorganized person on earth. I may even be borderline filthy and a total packrat if the truth be told.

Yesterday, however, after watching a show called (I think) "Don't You Maybe Think That All The Potato Chips Are What Made Your Ass So Big?" in which some skinny woman with an unhealthy interest in her victims' love lives points out to them that if they ate fewer potato chips and maybe walked or ran or, you know, got off their asses they'd get thinner, I found the country music channel.

I watched it, completely enthralled, for at least three of the hours I was there. I was so involved that I don't even know at what point they broke my teeth and replaced them with a row of bright red rubber clown-noses (this is untrue but it feels like it today). I've deccided that I would like Keith Urban and Montgomery Gentry for my birthday. There was some big guy named Tim something that you could throw in the package too. That would be fine, thanks so much.

No, not the CDs. The people. I'm not usually all about the boys so I'll send them back pretty quick but yeah, I wouldn't mind those for a week or so. Thanks in Advance.

I can't wait until my next dental appointment! (the 26th for anyone who is wondering).

note: this may be one of the signs of the apocalypso. run while you still can.

Naw. Cowboys may be annoying to listen to, but the ones in those videos are eye candy. And really, if you just tell them to shut up and get naked, you should be fine.
Dude! no new toothbrush? after all that work plus the complementary red-rubber clown nose feeling? the bastards!
Hey, that Keith Urban dude, we were watching 'something' he came on, not only is the dude easy on the eye but the few licks he played on his guitar were decent. Huh. I'll get to work on that special Birthday package for you right away.
Oh, I know this sounds fiddly but a friend told me...if you 'tie' the bait onto the trap the ratses won't have such an easy time of snagging and getting away with it....seriously, I know someone who has done this after having several traps raided with no lingering rat-parts. It works. fiddly,yes,but it works.
I do loves me a rubbermaid bin.
You may be a packrat, but you are not an obsessive-compulsive accumulator of whatever it is. That's part of the difference.
Yeah Keith Urban used to be on my Hump Island but when Nicole Kidman threw a rope around his dinghy and hauled him in, I decided hands-off. She's one *them* you know, and anyone who was married to Tom Cruise and somehow escaped with all her parts intact is tough. I'm afraid of her. Besides, have you noticed how pale and clear she's been lately? She is undead. Be careful, bunnie.
"I may even be borderline filthy and a total packrat if the truth be told" .....You just described my house!

McGraw - I think you mean Tim McGraw and he could convert me to country on any given day. I'd even listen to his music!

jennifleury - "Hump Island" - hahahahahahahahahahaha.....!!!!! I'm going to steal that one! I think secretly Tom Cruise might actually be a vampire, because Katie is looking rather translucent these days, too. Hmm...maybe they're "daywalkers"?

I'm in a strange mood today. Might be the Taboo Naughty and Nice Show I went to last night. There are only so many naughty toys one can look at in an hour. And just why are the insurance people at ALL of these trade shows? I'm there to see booty, not how I can plan for my future. Just kidding, I didn't see any booty. Just pole dancing.
When I'm done with Keith Urban I'll send him to your house.... don't blame me if he seems a bit tired and weak! :) Keep an eye out for Alan Jackson too, he's pretty easy on the eyes. And hey, maybe one of them would be able to roust out your ratmates!
Wish my dentist had TV's in the ceiling. And cable. Then maybe I could get my fill of Trace Adkins.
And I'm kinda in the same boat as you, ie. containerizing the stash. DH partitioned off half the garage and declaired that what was in the bedroom could go out there. Trouble is the new 'workroom' is a quarter the size of bedroom.
Wish me luck.
Not even a stinkin' toothbrush - what a gyp.
Well, you can't have Trace Adkins...he's mine!
Um, are you still feeling the effects of that giggle gas the dentist gave you?
Whoa there, Tonto, on suggesting that a stay-home parent should keep a cleaner house than a 'working' parent. I have many jobs - I just don't get paid, nor does society grant me any respect or fair treatment, as do the time clock tickers.

Still, I forgive you because you are my rabbitch and, poor dear, you have rats. On the rats, psst, before you go whoring yourself out to wallyworld - THEY LIKE PLASTIC. Yes, indeed, our little naked tailed friends down in the barn have chewed THROUGH a plastic trash can and proceeded through the grain sack onto the corn. Sheesh! On the other hand, maybe if you put the trap, laced with a peanut butter coated with some deadly chem, INTO the tote, you could have some real cheap thrills and revenge to boot.
I'd like a chance at Trace Adkins too. And Kenny Chesney please.

Have you been messing with the word verification? I just got fvucrk... lol
Good luck with the company. Hope you're feeling better fast.
Still celebrating Delurking week. Delurking to commiserate with you on the no-new-toothbrush, daytime TeeVee & the rat debacle.

Anyway, you're blog is a regular read.
Even better than TV on the ceiling (which my dentist also installed!) is an iPod and Showtunes! I didn't realize that on nitrous oxide in the middle of a root canal that I was singing "La Vie Boheme" from Rent at the top of my lungs! Needless to say, the office staff applauded when I came to! :=)
(I still think George Strait looks fabulous in those tight assed jeans of his!)
Rat's hoping you get rid of them soon. My heart goes out to you on the dentist thing. My old dentist used to let me pick a movie to watch on the ceiling, with headphones so I didn't have to hear anything...icky. Then she'd aske me questions. Over and over. And when I finally gave up and took off the damned headphones, she'd ask (quite puzzled) "Oh, don't you want to watch the movie?" Nah....I'm good. Thinking good healing thoughts for your teeth...and ugly thoughts for your rat.
i know you don't normally "listen" to country music, but there's a song that is appropriate to these sentiments: "save a horse, ride a cowboy." mmmmmmmmm yes.

and i have to agree with you, keith urban = slurp. maybe nicole will break up with him anyway!
Yeah, I've seen those "clean your house shows". It always astonishes me. Yup, I have lots of junk, but it's not GARBAGE. Those people have empty dog food tins, take out boxes and margarine tubs lying all over their house! If they just TOOK THE GARBAGE OUT the place might be semi-demi-habitable. As it is, it usually looks like a garbage dump! Because it IS.
oooh "how clean is your house" and "you are what you eat"!!!!
Isn't daytime TV a total delight/gross-out?!?
"Don't You Maybe Think That All The Potato Chips Are What Made Your Ass So Big?"

LOL - I needed this giggle today!
All those "home makeover" and "person makeover" shows make me sick. They do nothing but make you feel guilty about actually living in your house and body. Women aren't supposed to look like twelve year old boys or crack whores, and houses are supposed to be lived in and not models for magazine covers. Mine is clean enough to be sanitary and messy enough to be comfortable. As for the state of my bod, if people don't like it they don't have to look, is what I say. Don't let 'em get to you, Rabbitch!!
I see no one has mentioned the winner of "Hunk of the Month" at my house--Josh Turner. And his voice will melt the cartilage in your knees. I hope you get to see him at your next appointment.
...Canada's Worst Handyman! Man, why did nobody tell me about this? It relieves the pain a whole lot (trust me on this one) to watch some total boob try to cut an entire floor's worth of vinyl covering, make a small cut and then just rip (he had enough left for a placemat, really)...

Laughed my ass of when I saw your total boob reference. I've been called many things but never a total boob before. Thanks for the chuckle. I hope you're able to watch the show in re-runs. You can also visit my site if you want to learn more about the show. Happy Renos! Darryl
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