Thursday, January 04, 2007

 

Duck and Grape Joke


Oh, all right, if you insist. Besides, it gets me off the hook for having to write a "real" post today. I'm getting it together but I've been teetering on the edge of a depression for a few days now. I think I've averted it but really I don't have a whole lot in the way of energy or resources at the moment.

So here goes just about my favourite joke:

A duck walks into a hardware store and says to the clerk "Got any grapes?"

The clerk says, patiently, "No, this is a hardware store, we don't have any grapes, try a grocery."

The duck leaves.

The next day the same duck walks into to the same hardware store and says to the clerk (who is, coincidentally, the same clerk) "Got any grapes?"

The clerk says, a little less patiently, "No! Like I told you yesterday, this is a hardware store, we don't sell grapes here."

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks into the store again and says to the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

By this time the clerk is thoroughly pissed off with the duck and says "No! We don't have any fucking grapes! This is a hardware store! If you come in here and ask me again I'm going to nail your fucking feet to the floor!"

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says to the clerk, "Got any nails?"

The clerk, relieved, says, "Finally! A sensable question! But no, I'm sorry, we're all out of nails, I just sold the last package."

And then the duck says, "Good. In that case ... got any grapes?"

I have no idea why this stupid joke sends me into little gigglesnorting fits of laughter every time. But it does.

There, are you happy now?

by the way, I am running a small contest here. At the end of January, send me an email to bunniegirl at shaw dot ca and tell me which cliché, misspelling or overused phrase I have employed in each post this month, starting with this one, in order to make Norma's head explode. I'll send something yummy to the first person to send all of the right answers. I don't think I can keep it up for a whole year but I'm pretty sure I can do it for a month.

Comments:
Seriously, that is my favorite joke - ever. It kills me every time. I can so vividly picture the duck plodding into the the bar (in my version, he goes looking for grapes in a bar). He's just such a little shit. And for some reason, I like the idea of a duck's bill smooshing a grape if, in fact, he were ever to find one.

My father-in-law and husband (curse you, genetics!) love to tell jokes, usually the same bad ones over and over. But whenever one of them brings this one out of the dusty old joke closet, it's a refreshing treat.
 
I love that joke!!!
oh boy, and I loves me a good contest, this one will be all kinds of fun!
 
That joke always makes me giggle a whole lot as well. There's just something about it that is fantastic.
 
I just snorted in front of the whole office. Thank you just so much.
 
You do realize that now Norma is holding our puppet strings, right? We gotta learn not to show our weaknesses. You saw her post today, right? She's laughing at us. Mocking us!
 
You are too funny! I already noticed something in today's post and thought "What would Norma think?" I'm actually relieved to know that you meant to do it :)

I love the silly joke, too. I think it's just so stupid, you can't help but laugh.
 
OK. Here is my favorite joke:

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any chapstick?" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies, "Thanks, just put it on my bill."

That one sends me into a fit of giggles every time too!
 
You'll kill me if I say today's misspelling is "favourite", right?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm glad you're feeling a little better.
 
Ok... I can't find anything 'wrong' with the post. But I did tell dear son the joke (without the fucking part) and he's still snorting. And he just asked me if I had any grapes.
 
Loved it! Now I gotta go home and tell it to the man I share my mortgage with. Or would that be, with whom I share a mortgage?
 
I'm all too familiar with that winter depression beastie. Maybe yours and mine can go out shopping for grapes at the hardware store together and leave us alone...?
 
This is one of my 11 year old's favorite jokes. I just got a list of bumper sticker sayings...the one I remember, "W, so he can spell it".
 
Made me giggle, too!
 
Great joke and nice to get an early morning laugh!
 
I loves me a contest, but I probably won't do very well at this one. I wasn't able to identify any cliches. But I like cliches, so I'll keep looking at your next post!
 
Would a joke get me off the hook for identifying an overused phrase? What's black & white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
 
oh tsk, tsk, tsk.
 
You inspired me to my own favorite duck joke on my blog today. Thanks for the laugh.
 
I overheard Harlan Ellison tell a variant of that joke(it was a platypus walking into a bar, instead of a duck) to Anne McCaffrey at the Hugo Awards last summer. It was one of the more surreal experiences of my life, as well as damn funny.
 
P.S. Am I disqualified from the contest? Mwahahahaha
 
2 things annoy me, not sure if you have done them.. when people say "here at chez so and so". CHEZ IS SO DUMB!! I dunno why it drives me bonkers. Then the other one is, "Just Sayin" and "Alert the Media". OMG SMACK SMACK SMACK!
 
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