Sunday, November 12, 2006



Singing is such a bizarre thing.

I used to work in the music department of a college, and when people called up to ask about our programs, I would ask them what instrument they played.

And sometimes they would say, I don't play an instrument, I sing.

And I would say "then your instrument is your voice, you're a vocalist"

Many vocalists, or singers if you prefer, are neurotic. I'm a singer myself, and I understand why (the sopranos are worst for some reason, fortunately I'm a mezzo, or a high alto). If you play the piano, and the piano is out of tune, it is the fault of the instrument. If you play the piano and you hit the wrong note, it's a matter of manual dexterity.

If you're a singer, your instrument is your body. If someone doesn't like it, they don't like YOU. If you hit the wrong note, it means your body malfunctioned.

There's something wrong with your ear, your nose, your throat, your voice.

For me, singing is as personal as masturbation, it's an intimate act with your own body; but it's like masturbation in public and people get to tell you if you've done it wrong.

Which probably explains why I seldom sing in public even though I'm pretty good at it. It's likely why, when I was a kid and my parents discovered I could sing and started trying to make me do so in public I shut up. For a really really long time.

So if you know a singer, and if he or she won't sing ... look away. Let them holler. And don't mention it if they don't have their pants on, ok?

Since we're on the subject of music and sex... I can't sing a note and am said by some to be tone deaf, but my brother was a musician and he once told me that wearing a condom was like playing the piano with gloves on. This gave me a great insight into playing the piano.
So, if the only public singing I ever did was in a church, does that make me a sicko?
Hahaha! That's a great analogy. Since I only really sing in my car I must be a rolling peep show.
Huh. And to think that my mother made me take voice lessons, presumably with the aim of me singing in pubic. Weirdo mom.
Sorry. If they don't have their pants on and look good that way, I'm going to mention it.
Don't get me started. I can't sing a note, my husband can harmonize, and our daughter is a contralto soprano. We have spent, oh, a lot of money, on her theater and voice education. We have heard her sing exactly once. Maybe twice. We figure the cost per performance is about $250,000. You still need hats? Or are you done?
Oh, and did I mention? We're told our daughter has perfect pitch.
My sister in law is a good singer. Even a great singer. But let me tell you, hearing someone do it ALL DAY LONG, even doing it really well, gets really old. Your masturbation metaphor is remarkably accurate.
Put your pants on, SIL.
Oh great. Now I'm never going to be able to sing in public again. Thanks a lot.
Your post tonight actually made me snort outloud...what a visual.


I'm trying to visit as many of the NaBloPoMo blogs as I can and I thought I'd say hi, I liked your blog.. :) I have noticed a recent phenomenon of people singing in public and I never realised why it bugged me so much till I read this.. it is like masturbation in public! :) Bookmarking you, I'll be back!
I like singing in public (random public, not Gathered For That Specific Purpose public) because it FREAKS PEOPLE OUT. Woo. and that's really the goal of my life, as many freakouts as possible.
i'm a horrid singer, so i spare everyone. but i use it as a reality check; i am a dancer/dance teacher so when people tell me they couldn't possibly dance in public, i think about how bad i am at singing and give them a break. :)
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