Saturday, July 29, 2006


In Confidence

OK, I've been outed.

No, not that way, I mean that a certain gentleman pointed out in the comments on my last post -- and rightly so -- that I don't knit and that he would likely knit a bikini before I would make anything at all.

OK, that was all implied, and he said he would do so before I'd make that cardigan I mentioned but I decided to blow it all out of proportion. Please note that this is not in any way meant to be a bashing of the gent in question, of whom I think very fondly. There was nothing mean-spirited in his comment.

He's right. I do not knit. Well, that is, I hardly ever knit, and I never finish anything except dishcloths (and the occasional scarf).

This is not true. I have also made hats, socks, scarves, blankets, dorm-boot slippers, animal slippers, rabbits and shawls. Not the point. We are in the middle of crazytalk here. Shut up.

A lot of it is, of course, sheer ass-dragging laziness, but a whole lot of it is confidence. And no, this isn't a whiney post asking everyone to comment and say "hey, you're magnificent and you can do anything" because the sane (and, seemingly, overwhelmingly egotistical) part of my brain knows that already. So don't do it. The other part, the part that grew up knowing that she was not quite good enough and could never meet the standards, no matter how low they were set (set low, it was made plain, especially for her) ... yeah, that part knows that I can't knit and if I tried to make a sweater I'd fuck it up tremendously and end up with, like, a third sleeve coming out of the middle of the back or something. Yes, I know I've already successfully completed a baby sweater and it looked fantastic and was well-received. That's not the point.

(The crazy part of me that's all messed up also knows I can't spin, and can't make stitch markers or dye wool, never mind all evidence to the contrary. It also told me I couldn't drive which is one of the many reasons why I didn't get my licence until I was 33. I have since put almost 300,000 km on the car. 186,000 miles for you folks not yet embracing your inner metricality.)

It's that stupid lack of confidence thingie rather than lack of skill that has made me abandon so many projects, and not start so many others, despite coveting them fiercely. It's that total ass-faced stupid confidence dealie that sent me home in tears after being dissed by the lady in the wool-dye shop place (to which I have returned since, with far better results from a different sales assistant.) It's the stupid c-word (which, in my opinion, is far more damaging than that other c-word everyone gets their pants in a bunch about) that's likely held me back from ruling the world and aren't you glad about that? Because really, a Rabbitch-run world would be frightening.

And drunk.

So, um, there was a point to all of this maundering. No, really there was, and it is that I am DYING to see Mark knit a bikini. No, wait, that wasn't the point, because he didn't say that he would knit a bikini even if I did make something, did he? He's far too smart for that.

No, the point is that I'm seeing this both as a much-needed kick in the ass and as a challenge (because, you know, I don't have enough) and I'm going to actually knit the damned cardigan, even though it's slightly above my skill level. I'm going to knit it for me. I won't set any speed records, but I'm going to try to be able to wear it before the end of the year.

And you know if you read it on the internest that it's true, don't you?

How about if I join Mark in his challenge?

I have seen you start and abandon many lovely projects. You have a stash of beautiful "wools" (in the Canadian sense) that rivals my own, and yet, you remain stuck in "dishcloth/scarf" mose.

I understand mindless knitting. I call it "car knitting" for a very obvious reason.

But it's time to challenge yourself to finish something beautiful for you. . .

before Mark knits a bikini and I wear one!

You're welcome!
Go for it!
Don't you love those voices in your head from your childhood (and beyond)?
Mine sounds like my mother, and says, "Do you really want to eat that?" and "You'd be so pretty if you'd just lose a little weight?" and "You're not going to wear lipstick? You look kinda dead."

I blame it entirely on her (in my blaming moments) that I have both a weight problem and a lipstick-buying obsession.

Oh yeah, go knit. With something you spun and dyed yourself, preferably. Call it your Fuck Off sweater.
You can do it!!! You can do it!!! (this is to be read in the voice of that annoying Olympic coach of young-girl gymnasts who vault in the Olympics with broken legs)

But seriously, you can. It's not above your abilities.

And hey. I put my money where my mouth is last night and finished that Dulaan cardi I've been working on for months. Just buttons left. I'm leaving to go buy some now. *bows deeply* LOL
Fuck Off Sweater - Priceless. And a fabulous idea, Pacagaga! Rabbitch, no one could knit a Fuck Off Sweater better than you.

(Lurking for ages, love your blog and thanks for all the new cuss words; I pass them all on to my husband and we both think you're hilarious!)
Dude, I spent a year and a half on "the couch" in therapy working on regaining confidence and erasing old tapes, and you know what?? I got better much better results (faster, cheaper, warmer) by finishing my first sweater and making a lace sock.

Go for it girl. You're gonna surprise yourself :-)

Men's or women's bikini?
Either way, I'm not modeling it.
When I'm feeling uncertain, I knit a hat for charity. Knowing that the recipient won't care if the technical aspects aren't 100% perfect - they just care that they have a hand-knit hat that will keep them warm - is a tremendous boost to the confidence. A charity hat doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be warm.
And here I thought that the reason you didn't get much knitting done was that you hadn't quite figured out how to add another 20 hours to each day!

Of course you can knit a sweater...there is much "mindless" knitting contained within a sweater. Think of it as a different-shaped, much bigger sock...little bits of interesting alternated with plain old knitting.
I'm enchanted with the idea of a FUCK OFF Sweater! Perhaps a pattern with an intarsia insert of a disembodied hand flipping the bird! Priceless!

And if I can knit a sweater, YOU can knit a sweater!

And...I vote for a unisex bikini!
You have about as much chance of accomplishing this as I do of making the handspun, mermaid yarn circle jacket on So, matey, wanna wager a bet? Some of my fiber stash for some of yours? If we tie, we'll both knit the guy a bikini - together. and some little beer bikinis, too.
If you knit a sweater with a third sleeve coming out of the back, can I have it? I think it would be great for storing sandwiches in. Or extra arms.
You made a tampon for my cat. Even if you never knit anything else ever again as long as you live, you will always be a knitting champeen as far as this household is concerned.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?