Thursday, March 23, 2006


Screaming Cheese-Flavoured Monkey Nads

Oh man, I'm so messed up I could cry.

Got a call today from the property manager for the house we want. We're first in line.

Sounds good, yes?


a) It's for April 1 and b) we have to let them do a credit check.

I've told them that if we can have it for the 15th (seeing I'm having surgery on the 28th), we can consider it, but dude, our credit rating is so vile it's unbelievable. We pay everything, eventually, but late, late, late. Nobody with half a brain would rent to us.

I'm going to go through the routine but there's almost no hope. If, however, everyone could do a little dance and send good thoughts in this direction (and also tell me where the hell I can find a couple of grand in my non-existent budget -- know anyone who needs oh, about 100 sets of stitch markers?) I'd really appreciate it.

If, conversely, the universe could just stop fucking with me, that would be good too. I don't think I can take an awful lot more of this right now.

Thanks in advance.

May good house karma come your way. I'll pray for you (thought I'm not really religious) and cross my body parts and do a chant.

Maybe even burn some smells like feet in here.
I won't ask how you know monkey nads are cheese-flavoured or why. Fingers crossed here for house and surgery and money and anything else you want/need. You were too scary yesterday when you were "calmed" - I thought you had been abducted by aliens or somesuch!
I would love to be sad on your behalf but I can't. I'm laughing too hard over "Screaming Cheese-Flavoured Monkey Nads!!" What a hoot!

But, in all seriousness, I wish you great good luck in getting the house!!
Aw man, that sucks. Fingers crossed for ya. I've been where you are (figuratively) and the best thing about it is that eventually it goes away.
Speaking as a homeowner that got approved for a mortgage with a credit report that included credit cards payed 6 months late, defaulted student loans and unpaid utility bills from my misspent youth when I happily agreed to let my roommates put the gas bill in my not give up hope!
Do you have previous landlords who can testify to your excellent qualities as a tenant? I had lousy credit, but I'd always paid rent on time and took good care of my places, so I'd always be upfront about my credit problems and refer them to my previous landlords.

It helps if they're not obviously related to you. Hope you get the house with good timing for you!
Wing it, and put on a brave face. You`ll make it!
Keeping needles crossed and sending house vibes your way. Keep us posted.
Sending loads of positive energy your way!!! Good luck!
Ceremonial good luck dancing as in nekkid right? Cuz that's what you got, cuz I know that's the way you likes it...all good ceremonial good luck dancing should be done nekkid...with honey and some butter and rum

Is there any way you could offer a larger security deposit?
Fucking blogger is part of the universal plot. Trying this AGAIN....

Sending good thoughts and hope your way, and I'm sorry that everything is going so badly. I hope it does work out, somehow. And personally I'm a nekkid tequila and lime ceremonial good luck dancer, so we've got at least 2 parts of the booze spectrum covered for ya.
i have heard that landlords are more interested in how much money you have in savings than your actual credit score. when i was applying for my apartment i got everyone i knew to give me all the cash they had for 1 day so i could deposit it in my account, get a little printout showing my ample savings and then withdraw it all and return it. also you could try fighting the negative information on your credit report (that can take months to process though.) i had a credit card i had paid late, they reported me, after a year had passed i called them up an told them that a late payment had been reported to the credit bureaus in error. since their records only go back a year they took my work for it and sent notification to remove the negative report. or could try threatening to close your account if they dont remove it.
good luck, i hope it all works out.
I'm pretty sure my family rents from the same housing group. I'm not certain, but I think it likely they're only checking to see if you are a defaulter or a skip artist. If a good (or lengthy) credit record were important, a good many of the tenants in my building might not be here.

Crossing my fingers for you.
Last weekend, when I was eavesdropping on a couple who were hoping to move into this complex, the property manager mentioned that they now have to do background checks on everyone who applies. Back-freaking-ground checks! I cannot even imagine what they would say if they had to do that to/for me.

I'm sending you some of the good vibes that I've been collecting this past month. May you get the house. Yes!
Dancing around *****
Sending good vibes******
(But you know that the Cheesy Monkey Nads of today are the blessed Angel Nads of tomorrow!)
*going around crossing all my knitting needles to add to the power of my crossed fingers, toes, legs, arms, eyes, boobs (boobs?)*
Hot Bunnie-Mama, just look at all the love you have! Nothing can go wrong with all this beautiful effing positivitiy flowing your way. I'm dancing at you too.
I'm crossing everything I"ve got for you baby, because you deserve this house, and I know how much you want it. Every deity I've ever heard of (and that's a lot) is getting a talkin' to right now on your behalf! And if you need a reference, I"ll say you rented from me for years and were the best tenant ever. Just let me know!
Oh dearest Rabbitch

I am doing my famous dwelling getting dance with bells on my toes - always works.
Sending good vibes. I think that if they don't see any outstanding HUGE amounts, they will see that you are a good tenant.

**fingers crossed**
Doing some mojo for you, and lighting a candle (I'll stick it right next to mine, the one burning for basically the same reason). I'm even too broke right now to help by buying stitch markers a couple of weeks, though :-) XO
All Hail to the Mighty Flying Spagetti Monster. We invoke your blessings for Rabbitch to get a new place to live and a quick recovery. We bring you an offering of screaming-cheese-flavoured-monkey-nads.

All Hail.
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