Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Help! Help! I've Been Calmed and I Can't Get Up!

It never rains but it pours. And it's been pouring here of late which is my only excuse for the extreme stupidity that took over my Rabbitchly brain last night.

Y'all kow about "traffic calming", right? No? Well, it's where the City puts these little pretty cement roundabouts all adorned with flowers and trees and shit (note: there may not be any actual shit but well, iffen there are flowers there likely is) in the middle of streets so that the children and geriatrics that we seem to have wandering the streets at will don't get run over by us middle-aged folks driving about at speeds up to and including 50km an hour (35 miles for those of you who have not yet succumbed to the decimality). I mean ... the horror! Who could tolerate that sort of carnage? Not the City of North Vancouver, that's fer damned sure and they'll tell you about it and make you pay for it, too!

So, um, I was driving to the post office last night, to send off all of my packages of stitch markers to those of you who have been kind enough to purchase them (as well as sending some roving to Franklin, who has promised me a sheep in return ... pray to FSM it's not Dolores). Anyhow, while driving along in the rain and the dark and all, I came to this "traffic calmed" area and well ... I guess I wasn't paying enough attention and I got me calmed right upside the head. I drove over the edge of the little cement roundabout thingie and who knew that those things could take out your tire? Not me.

So I thumpthudgrinded over to the side of the road, listening to the happy "rim on the road" tune all the way and proceeded to change my tire. All by myself, in the dark and rain.

I stood there in the dark and wet, industriously tightening the lug nuts for a while, thinking it was so fortunate that I was all butch and could change a tire. I then industriously UNtightened them, having finally worked out exactly what the problem was and the difference between clockwise and counter-clockwise and all. You don't want to rush this sort of thing, you know.

Oh, and then while I was jumping on the wrench thingie to loosen the lug nuts I had tightened to their capacity, the car slid forward OFF the jack and went "boomf" on the road. That sort of added the maple syrup to my pancakes as it were (and did you know that there are like 21 million Kg of surplus maple syrup in Quebec? There's no need to be stockpiling right about now, babies, but you might want to think of adding it to your daily diet just to keep the economy going, besides which it's delicious.)

Anyhow, I repositioned the jack, which was sort of bent by this point, unboomfed the car, got the wheel off, put it in the back, put the "emergency doughnut" on ... TIGHTENED the lug nuts (see? I can learn!) and went on my merry way back to the house to rinse the 43 gallons of axle grease and road dirt offen my paws.

Which is why I didn't make it to the post office last night, although I did make it to work on time, so it wasn't a total loss.

And, I'm calm, to boot. Damn, those things really work!

So for all of you who are waiting for stitch markers and row counters, it'll be a day later. I'm going to go again, tonight, perhaps a little less calmly, and mail them off.

And now a pause for a moment of wallowing in filthy lucre. The stitch markers have sold amazingly well, and I've got another couple up there now. (no, not up THERE, you pervert!) I'll be posting more on and off as time goes on and if you're interested, please check back from time to time.

If you're in a spending kind of mood, my friend Gaile is selling off a bunch of her stash. There's Debbie Bliss Merino, Schachenmeyr Nomotto Softwool, Jaeger Matchmaker Merino DK and a bunch of other fun stuff. Dude, if I hadn't gotten myself all calmed (and thereby all broke buying another tire) I'd be on it like sauce on rice. Or, um, something.

Calmly yours,

Careful with that calmness. It'll kill ya.

(And here I was expecting this to be a post about Rowan Calmer.)
Congrats on being able to change your own tire! 95% of the women I know cannot do that.
Dude, I can change a tire, check and top up my fluids, change all of the bulbs and gap and change my own spark plugs.

If you're broke and you're going to drive an older car, you just HAVE to learn those things or decide not to drive half the year.
My dear, you're just so very much...yourself. You are the only the you I know. Bless your dear heart. Yes indeed.

Dolores refuses to go to Vancouver. She's knows she's got it sweet here with me right now. Consider yourself lucky.
Who knew calm was so dangerous? Thank you for educating us!
I suck at such things. I love AAA. They are my friend. :)
I did that both of them at once on the passenger side...bang bang... felt really blonde that day.
My dad made me learn how to change a tire when I was eight. Pity I never learned to drive.

Rabbitch, did you really play a cat like a bagpipe? I wouldna hae believed it, but that La linked to the picture. And here I thought you were a true cat friend when you were really raising instruments for a quartet. Cruelty, I say.
I am so glad it didn't go "boom" on your foot!
That's the price you pay for calm. Wanton mass destruction, I tell you.
Sounds like the night that I couldn't avoid hitting a 'possum. The darn thing was so large that it cracked the bottom of the radiator. Who would have thought that could happen? I was pretty calm, but hubby got a bit agitated!
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