Monday, March 13, 2006


The Goblin of Fire

My daughter has announced that she wants us to buy a movie for her. "Harry Potter and the Goblin of Fire".

She's been really into spookystuff of late. Witches, ghosts, vampires, and of course goblins.

I told her, gently, that the movie was actually called "The Goblet of Fire". She asked repeatedly for assurance that despite the title, which she seems to find quite lame, that there would be goblins, and that they would be on fire.

I haven't seen the movie yet, so was unable to give her the assurance she so urgently desired, however I really can't think of a better title for just about ANYthing on the face of the earth. Therefore, the Breast Badger has now been renamed The Goblin of Fire.

Which leads me to the News of the Goblin, formerly known as The Badger.

I saw the surgeon today and he seems to think I'm quite mad (gee, wonder why?) I sat in his office and put my coat and purse and sock on the chair beside me. He invited me into the examining room and said "Oh, just leave all of your stuff there, your bag will be fine." I said, "I'm not worried about my purse, but I'm making a sock!" There was smirking. And also understanding. I think his wife may well knit.

He then politely asked me to show him my tits. Seeing he's an Irish Gentleman (and they don't get much more gentlemanly than the Irish. Or much dirtier. They seem to hit both ends of the spectrum quite spectacularly) I did so with alacrity. I said "Oh, it's a terrible thing, it's just about to need its own postal code."

He agreed that in fact it was terrible and might well be a blablablrf tumor (I may have the technical term wrong) but that the blablablrf tumors were benign and I shouldn't worry.

Dude, I've coexisted peacefully with this thing for 31 years, I'm not stressed. Breast cancer does NOT take 31 years to kill you. It doesn't even take 31 months. 31 weeks or perhaps even days, but not months or years. That puppy is malevolent, but not malignant.

Anyhow, he said I don't need a reduction, which news I greeted with a fair amount of disappointment, as I long to join the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. He's set a surgery date of March 28, two weeks tomorrow. He's just going to take out the lump and feels that because it's all foreign matter (damn those furriners anyhow! I hope it doesn't think I'm going to learn to speak Italian or something) the breast will "resume its normal shape" without a reduction. Dude, its normal shape is that of an ancient, pendulous, well-chewed boob (I breastfed and you never quite recover from that). I greeted that information with somewhat less than delight.

It'll be day surgery and I'll need a week or a little more off work, that's it.

The good news is that the date works out perfectly, as I'm going to be a witless ... um, witness, at a Very Important Event on April 3. I may still be a little sore, but I'll be completely mobile and will be able to join in the festivities with full enthusiasm.

I think they should be scared.

However everyone who's been scared about my boob should relax now. It'll all be fine really soon. Thank you for worrying.

Another thank you goes out to all who have so kindly spoken of my first venture into the making of stitch markers. The sales are going well, and I'm pretty stoked. I mean, I grew up "knowing" that I had the artistic talent of a mango. A rotting mango, at that. This makes me feel pretty good.

Seeing I'm now officially an artiste, I suppose I should have a name for this line. I hereby dub it the "Dude, I Have An Assload of Blue Beads Plus Some Green Ones" line. Stay tuned for further developments. I get paid again on Friday and I do believe the "Dude, I Have an Assload of Red and Burgundy Beads" line may well be launched early next week.

I know, try to control yourselves. I can hardly stand the anticip...PATION, either.

Glad that the Goblin's going to get its comeuppance VERY SOON.

And no, there aren't any goblins on fire in the movie, more's the pity.
Me, and my National Geographic tits, agree with you on wishing membership to IBTC. Sadly it's not to be just yet. Please notify when "Dude, I Have an Assload of Pink and Turquoise Beads" launches.
Hurrah that the goblin is just a PITA (PITB???). Too bad we can't halve the goblins between us, we then might each have what we long for... Urm... sounds nasty (or provocative), but being of the small breasted ilk with a right breasted goblin of my own, I have much sympathy. Good thoughts on your surgery date. I shall quaff much wine to speed you to your recovery.
Ooh, you made me laugh until I snorted (not a pretty sound!)
My son thinks the Johnny Cash song "Ring of Fire" is actually about dragons.. He thinks it goes " burn burn burn.. dragon fire" - who am I to stop him from making the song cooler?
Glad there's a date for the goblin eviction, but Jealous as all get out that you get to be a witness to that wonderful event. Pooh. But I shall pop a wee bottle of champers in their honour on the day.

Looking forward to seeing the Assload of Red and Burgundy beads.
Glad you now have a date. I'm sure it will be a relief to be rid of the goblin.
Oh I just love it when he says that line. Of course, he rocks that corset too!
Will there also be an assload of purple beads someday?
whack those goblins and feel better!!!
Love the Assload of Beads!!!
so glad the goblin on fire is going to be getting the hell out.
I can't wait to see assload of purple beads!
Isn't it funny (ha ha) what we grow up 'knowing' - 98% of which turns out to be horseshit?

Three cheers for Goblin free boobs.
Damnit, Janet.

And I love the thought of you facing a robber, and saying "you can have my purse, just!"
You're funny, AND you quote the good dr frankenfurter? we really should just get married and get it over with, you know. Hey, how about I trade you some beads for my favourite kitsilano crack sauce? Let's make a deal baby. I got lots of beads here, and very little motivation to use them...
Yea Red and Burgundy!!!!
Goblins begone! Glad to know you're not in danger (at least not from boob goblins). I am not looking forward to my first mammogram, but I will definitely do it!
My 5 year old calls it the Goblin of Fire as well.

It's also "bloody hair" and "lovely kids."
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