Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Difference Utility Chicken

Well, that's certainly less disturbing than most of the google searches that have gotten people here of late, but it still concerns me.

It also makes me want a chicken dinner, but that's beside the point.

So, here we are, the day after badgersurgery, trying to get along with our lives and being very annoyed about the fact that the "total lack of pain" of yesterday has gone up to the "well, that doesn't feel good at all" of today and that we are finding it most useful to keep ourselves medicated. We also seem to want to refer to ourselves in the third person, which we find decidedly twee and annoying as fuck so maybe we'll just stop that shit right now, shall we?

I would like to post, proudly, a picture of the dishcloth I knit (mostly) in the recovery room and finished while stoned as a loon at my mother's house.

A little wonky, but usable. I wouldn't throw it out.

I'm sitting up, contemplating how long it takes demerol to get out of your system, wondering why my breast looks like an eggplant and also wondering why I haven't just given up and taken another pill and gone back to bed. Stupid rabbit.

I'm also an inch or so into the next dishcloth (because we all know the world needs more dishcloths knit while enjoying the benefits of a narcotically-enhnaced life) and I've finished the cuff of the second sock. Looks like I'm going to be allowed to stay in the Cirque du Socks even though I don't have enough circs in a small enough size to actually knit my socks on those. I'm pretending that my dpns used to be circs and the cords fell off. I was even going to learn to use the magic loop thingie but dude, I don't think that learning something new right now would be all that wise. Or, um, possible.

I'm going to have a lot of this left over so I think I'm going to make a baby hat and socks combo out of it. I don't think there will be enough for another pair of adult socks but I'll take it over to the post office and get it weighed first, just on the off-chance. Patti has more yarn up today, btw, in case you're coveting. I'm thinking that if my union ratifies our new contract, thereby bringing me a whack of cash (signing bonus), the first thing I'm going to do is bring all of my past-due bills up to date, and the SECOND thing I'm going to do is buy me like five of those skanks of yarn. (Because I have it on good authority that until you have as much sock yarn as some people, you don't have a problem.)

Ooh, and my Folk Socks book that I got off of eBay finally arrived! It was shipped later than I expected and certainly isn't in "new" condition. I mean it doesn't look like it's ever been used, but there's something sticky on the cover and there are some bashed edges and one corner is bent. I don't know if I can bring myself to leave "bad" feeback for her but I'm certainly not leaving a good one. I'm thrilled to have the book, though, and look forward to leaping ahead in my sock-making expertise. (would be hard to leap backwards now, wouldn't it?)

To answer all of the badger questions, I don't know how big it was, or what it weighed, but the surgeon said it was "huge" and then piled one fist on top of the other, you know, like you do when you're doing "one-potato, two-potato". I didn't get to take it home in a jar, because it was so big and scary and nobody really knows what it is, so it had to go to the lab. We don't have the pathology back from the lab yet so we don't know exactly what it was (could even have been a Phyllodes Tumor, which is scarier than the fibroadenoma that he thought it was, but still not an automatic death sentence or anything). I don't even know how many stitches I have. I'll find out more details next week when I go back to see the surgeon.

They didn't do the reduction. I would have had to wait months for that, and we didn't have months, the way this thing was growing. It just had to get out of there.

I'm not going to be posting pictures, this is just ugly and you don't need to see my boob that badly. Imagine an eggplant with a nipple, some stitches and a bunch of steri-strips. No dressing 'cause I'm allergic to all of that nasty tape they use and he didn't want to rip my nipple right off. I told you he was a gentleman.

Back to knitting on the sock and eating everything in sight ...

There's no way to count calories when you're stoned on Demerol, so don't try. Eat that chicken dinner, plus cheesecake, and take any pill you're entitled to. Purple boob notwithstanding, I'm glad the badger is gone. It sounds scary.
Wait -- are you saying I have a PROBLEM because of my sock yarn stash?

Oh, I am SO sending you every tacky cowboy boot ornament I can find . . .
Bad, bad badger. He must have been eating everything in sight to get that huge. I'm glad he's out of your life too.

The magic loop method is really easy, but you're right, don't try anything new while you're on that stuff. I took oxycontin after my hysterectomy and lemme tell ya, I couldn't do anything but smile.

And, you can never have too much sock yarn. It's small and can tuck in all the areas around the rest of your stash.
shew. i'm got that's outta you. and as much as i love eggplants AND boobs, i think an eggplant with a nipple might be quite nice, you know, if it was, like a cartoon or something, and not actually attached to a body.

recover. knit those dishcloths. maybe i should try one...what're they? cotton?

I was expecting the dishcloth to be much more wonky. Glad you're on the road to recovery.
Oh my. The visuals (eggplant, tape ripping nipple off) got to be a bit much for me at the end there... But all of that oughta make google searches even more interesting!
I haven't heard the word "twee" in about fifteen years. Love it :-)

A Difference Utility Chicken is the gourmet version of My Mother's Utility Chicken.
coldpack coldpack coldpack coldpack!
Having had my own badger problems, I strongly advise you to wrap that dishcloth round a bag of ice and leave it on the badgersite for 20 minutes at a time. This will bring the swelling down, and with all credit due to demerol, it really helps.
Very happy to hear it's done. Just recovering from some minor surgery myself but they didn't give me the good drugs. I had to rely on beer. Good luck with the house tour today.
*sigh* I wish I could enjoy the happy drugs they keep trying to push on me (wisdom teeth removed and back going out). I won't take them - they make me dizzy and queasy and give me terrible, restless sleep. Blech.

Glad you're on the mend!
when my mama had one of her boobages hacked into I ended up being very shocked at how PURPLE it all became and it was hard as a bowling ball for several weeks. Poor boobie.
BUT she's fine, her boob is back to it's normal shrinking size.
I wish you a speeeeedy recovery and soft squishy boobs again soon.
Google will now be getting a whack of searches on "Phyllodes Tumor" as we read up on what you DON'T have. Good vibes coming your way.
Ack! Good riddance to the badger. Hope you feel better soon.

I received my stitch markers and dishcloth in the mail yesterday. A million thanks - I love them!
So glad you've come through the surgery with your indomitable sense of humor intact!

hugs! (but very careful across the room hugs... or maybe a gentle shoulder hug from behind .. no jostling the eggplant!)
Take a pill and go back to bed. Wake up and feel better. Rest, heal, mend. Knit.
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