Saturday, December 03, 2005


You Kiss Your Mother In That Hat?

Ladies and Gents, it has come to my attention that there is a tragedy sweeping our fine nation.

A tragedy, nay, a plague, of epic proportions.

I refer, of course, to the badly-seamed machine-knit acrylic hat.

I understand the machine knitting (hell, I have a White 1602 that I have to get oiled up and going one of these days, seeing it does everything but bring you coffee in bed). I understand the acrylic -- it's inexpensive and comes in pretty colours. I even understand how the bad pattern-matching occurred. If you're doing piecework for like a nickel a hat or something, it's hard to give much of a damn whether half a flower is matched up with half a flower or with half a bunnie on the other side of the seam.

What I can't understand is a) how the bad patterns occurred and b) how the bad hat purchasing and wearing came to be.

To start with, the people who created the bad patterns for the bad hats have to have known that these patterns would not match up. Why not solid colours or, at worst, stripes? There is need for neither snowflakes nor for reindeer. We all know it's winter. Shut up and give us blue hats.

As for the wearing of same, if someone is in dire straits and is poor and cold (or perhaps living outdoors) then they will wear pretty much anything, up to and including a pirate's hat made of newspaper, if it will keep out some of the cold; however, many of these vile cranial concoctions I have spied were worn by those who were obviously far more well-heeled than the denizens of the refrigerator cartons under the bridge, and were likely actually purchased on purpose.

It is to weep.

I therefore pledge to do my best to eradicate this unsightly blot from the face of at least this city. I have tons of ACKrylic that I'm really not that fond of, having now fondled rather a lot of good natural fibre; therefore I shall attempt to turn at least some of it into hats for the local shelter.

Anyone into doing a Charity-Hat-Along-Without-Shitty-Patterns in January? If you're in the Vancouver area I'll even give you the ACKrylic for it.

The rich folks can pay me to make decent hats for them, but dammet, I'm going to give some dignity back to the crackhos.

Um, or something.

I'm with ya!

Can I drop mine at the local soup kitchen?
Drop 'em anywhere they won't be reselling them, and I'll be happy.

Might be a good idea not to fill them with soup.

I'm just sayin'.
In Pittsburgh the Light of Life Mission will take them!
yeah, I'm in.
I stumbled in here Googling White 1602 Knitting Machine. Oddly, your blog was the only link that had anything remotely to do with a White 1602 Knitting Machine. So I read a bit... damn near spit up my hot chocolate through my nose. YOU ARE A FUNNY LADY and I wish I knew you in person. BTW, I'm a male knitter.. HAND knitter. I'm trying to figure out if I want to machine knit or not. I've got ideas. More ideas than money I suppose.... Anyhow, I command God to bless you (and if he doesn't, I'm sending him to hell) because from what you're sayin' you need money more than I do. BTW, I found a nice black hole for my ACKcrylic yarns. ALL of my stash went to nephew who crochets, not knits, and to my neice who knits but cant stand crocheting. I kept all my natural fibers and with the empty closet space have quickly filled up the gap with yet more wool and mohair (my favorite).

If you're ever wanting to take a trip to the Central Coast of California, do email me and I'll clear up some floor space for you. Oh heck.. I'll clear off the spare bed in the guest room if you promise you don't need a closet to hang any clothes up in. (Closet's completely packed with yarns). Email's perry at perryway dot net. Yeapppp! My name's Perry.
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