Saturday, December 10, 2005


Release The Hounds! And Then Make Them Roll Over and Play Dead.

So I seem to have agreed to babysit The Hounds of Hell tonight. All night. For a sleepover.

Somehow this made sense at the time to me, seeing the mother is the one who takes my daughter when I have to work graveyard shifts, however when the reality rolled around I was apprehensive (even though I've done this before).

My friend and I had a good chat, covering such diverse topics as text messaging etiquette, weight loss, housecleaning, and the imagined sex life of the people upstairs (and really, after I brought up the subject of her likely having a strap-on, both of us were pretty sorry we'd gone there).

Then, she told the kids (mine included) that they got ten more minutes and it was lights out, and that they weren't to irritate me, and she'd see them in the morning. Mwah, goodbye, and all that shit.

That's when I started to get a little antsy.

You see, here's my big secret. I don't like children. I never have. All that babysitting I did as a kid? Easy cash, no other reason. Lucre, baby, and the filthier the better.

I feel guilty about this. Clearly, "Ah Bahleev Thuh Childruhn Ahr Ahr Fyoochur" and all that (and is there a much more irritating song on the face of the earth?). I think children sense this guilt and, cunning little opportunists that they are, work it to the max and talk me into all sorts of bizarre concessions (such as midnight bedtimes and ice-cream breakfasts). I therefore expected all sorts of chaos to break loose the minute the sound of her tires faded.

They've been in bed half an hour. I think my daughter may still be awake and colouring. My bet is that the other two are asleep.

There has been no yelling, no hair-pulling, no demanding of pony rides and cheese sandwiches. Nothing but one comment that the child was getting a drink of water and going back to bed.

There has not been such bliss at 10pm in this house for many moons. Clearly I must forthwith and with haste make her the purple bunny that she has requested. Clearly she is magic and has The Power.

I believe I shall henceforth be worshipping at her feet.

I wonder if she does husbands? (so to speak).

Thanks for the early morning laugh. My kids talk about sleepovers non-stop and I have only given in a few times. I have enough kids over here on a daily basis I really don't want them sleeping here too.
You know, I've heard of children like that. Having the 4 and a half year old King of Bedtime Procrastination at my house, I'm still fairly certain they're up there with unicorns and magic friendly dragons on the 'I'd really like to believe, but...' scale. But you've actually seen them. In real life. And a woman who has the power to command the creatures. Yes. Drop everything and make this magician her purple bunny. Right now. Off you go.

(ahem - you still here? less with the reading, more with the bunny making, capice?)
I'm so glad you were able to refrain from yelling and pulling their hair!
do you think she could work her magic on tween boys? i could really use the help! (and adhd ones at that (actually, liam is 13, but he's still young, lol)
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