Thursday, October 27, 2005

 

Opera = Porn


My husband decided he wanted to go to the opera for his birthday. He announced he was going to go to the QE Theatre on Tuesday and line up for rush tickets, seeing they're way cheap.

I offered to go with him, but we all know how much I like opera (which is to say not so much). It's not a hatred, but I'm pretty indifferent to the best and irritated by the worst.

And yes, I do drink my beer straight from the can, why do you ask?

Anyhow, he said he'd really rather I didn't go with him; he'd have a much better time on his own. Hey, I don't make him come to my spinning guild meetings, he doesn't make me go to the opera. It all works out nicely.

(It actually worked out very nicely for him, as seeing he was the only person waiting for the rush tickets who wanted a single, he got a $135 seat for $29. Had I been with him, we would have paid the same price for something up in the nosebleed section.)

I asked him about the story of the opera, Turandot, and he started telling me. Half-way through he mentioned that Puccini didn't really have a great interest in historical facts and depth of character, but rather in the staging, the music and the spectacle, which is why the story line made little sense.

It was then that I had my great revelation. Opera is really just porn with your clothes on.

No, really, look at it this way. In opera, the story line is really just sort of thrown in there so there's an excuse for the music and the costumes. In porn, the story line is just sort of thrown in there so there's an excuse for the plumber to come calling on the lonely housewife who incidentally is wearing something revealing.

In opera there are usually fat ladies who scream a lot. In porn ... well, you see what I'm getting at here. The ladies aren't always fat but I've seldom seen porn without some sort of screaming.

In opera there are beads and sequins and feathers. I've seen quite a lot of porn with all of those elements involved, although often they are used somewhat differently.

I like porn as an occasional diversion, however I don't download it on a daily basis. Few people go to the opera every day.

When viewing porn, I find myself very very interested, and then abruptly for some reason I lose interest and go to sleep, missing the ending. At the opera, the couple in the seats next to my husband, who DID pay $135 each for those seats, lost interest and did not return to the theatre for the third act.

I rest my case.

And you should be ashamed of yourselves, you opera-ogling perverts.

Comments:
Do you have any idea what this will do to your hit counter??
 
Oh dear. I was a member of the Canadian Children's Opera Chorus when I was, well, a child, and participated in operas about once a year from the ages of 8-16.

Excuse me. I have to go call my therapist now.
 
That makes COMPLETE sense.
 
You are forgetting - in Opera everyone keeps their clothes on. In fact sometimes they go and put on more clothes. And the sexes usually stand stock still at least three feet apart when actually performing - you`d need someone awesomely well-endowed to do that in a porn flick.
 
In fact maybe you`d need a horse...
 
Oy, I'm opera challenged also. My friend Andrew in London always swore he'd make me love it, but....yes, beer from the can for me, too. heh
 
You goof! You gotta point but Puccini is my FAVORITE!!!
 
oh my--- now I know why my dad liked opera....
 
Well even though you don't stay around for the ending, you know how they all end. The guy always decides it feels so much better to finish off himself and then share his goo with the girl. So you see all the parts worth watching.
As for opera, the Pretty Woman liked it. But then she had sex for money, kinda like porn. They do seem to have a lot in common huh?
:)
 
Opera, porn, action movies...
 
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