Friday, September 30, 2005


Call 1-877- SOS-KNIT


I thought “I’ll knit for Christmas, that’s the thing that I do best.”
A mitten or some underwear, a sweater or a vest
I went into the stash to find a yarn that called my name
But all that I encountered were small fuzzy balls of shame

The Manos, the alpaca and the Koigu and the yak
They went to live with others and they won’t be coming back
No matter how I scrabbled through the tubs and tubs of string
The only things uncovered were acrylic and some bling

Some slippers and a fuzzy scarf, some mittens and a yurt
I’ll knit these all by Christmastime and no-one will get hurt
My mother needs a fun-fur bra, my brother needs the same
My husband needs a hat with ears, for unnamed acts of blame

I’ll knit my child a pony; it’s a simple thing to do
Oh look! I have some yarn of brown; I’ll even knit some poo!
My supervisor down at work, she needs a brand new scarf
I’ll knit her something lovingly from clown-hued strands of barf

This much and more I can complete in time for Yuletide glee
I’ll make the knittens catnip toys upon which they shall pee
I know I can complete this for The Harlot told me so
She’ll tell you too, upon the phone, don’t hesitate, just go!

this is hysterical! and at 1:22 am, no less.
The yurt must be for someone very very special. I hope you got a ring and a prenup agreement before casting on; I hear they're worse than sweaters for cursing a relationship.
Snork! I just shot coffee out my nose.
Omigod, you're channeling Dr.Seuss!
"I'll even knit some poo?" Hysterical!

Reminds me of something I saw in a kids' toy catalog once. It was a farm set with a barn, a corral, and some horses...and some brown clay you could use to make your own horse poo!
Scary stuff - obvious basis for the next Tim Burton film.
That's fantastic!
did you think of this while drunk?
did you write this with a monk?

knitted poo? peeeyou!

strands of clown barf
will make a lovely scarf

but save it for your sister
because i'm sure she means more to you than that mister.

(ok, i'm out of rhymes, your stuff was fantastic!)
Oh very good. A hat with ears. Donkey ears?

You know, if you go taking advice from a Harlot, you will surely wind up drunk and covered with cat hair, possibly chez spinster.

Rabbitch, oh Rabbitch, I am possessed by the notion of a Harlot, Rabbitch, CrazyAuntPurl Christmas party of knitting shame. It's late. What can I say. (Except invite Jen and La too and Norma by whom we swear and maybe Franklin and divide the party money into wine and stash piles. And take pictures for the blog.)
Yes I totally thought I could do anything after hearing her words.
Just what I needed, something else I want to do over and over.
Such a lovely written piece.
You rock, sister. I want to know how many beers it took before you channeled that one...

I bought a Bosworth spindle. I have a loaner wheel. I tried two wheels this weekend. I am sooooo. Fucking. Happy.

Send wool. I need more to add to the four pounds I bought. I'm trying to figure out how to knit a beer can for a bunny...
I'm laughing/crying too hard to tyope straight. Thank you for this bright spot in my day!
Oh, this poem is suitable for knitting into a sweater. I'll have plenty of time to make one for each grandparent, right?

Your poem sure puts it all into proper perspective.
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