Sunday, July 10, 2005


I Cannot Find My Thingie

Observe, my dining room table. Observe the fact that it only has three legs. Observe the fact that there is a ratchet thingie lying on the floor in front of it. I have been using this; therefore I am clearly butch.

Please do not observe the fact that a) there are newspapers and other unidentified or identifiable shit all over the floor, b) there are even more stains and c) It is July 10 and I have been in this apartment without a table for 8 months.

The latter is untrue, it's only been broken since January or so.

Yes, I know it is now July.

Shut up.

The cat strongly disapproves of the three-leggedness of this table, as you can clearly see. (The box with the duct tape on it is my new loom.)

So I decided tonight to get all efficient and find the piece I need to fix this table so that my daughter can paint and I can make stitch markers.

Remember way back when, when I was out at Ukranian Tire, being all carpenterly and stuff, when I went to look for a 3" piece of 5/16 threaded rod and impressed the guy in the business suit? Yeah, that piece. The piece I didn't get. Anyhow I figured that I can either use the carriage bolt that I got instead and fuck about with a bunch of washers to make it work, or can mess with the existing rod and make that work (as I'm not interested in driving 75km to get a new 25-cent piece of rod for which I will have to pay three dollars).

I cannot find the thingie. The rod deelie. The whatsits. My best guess is that it's somewhere in the "toss it on there until we're all sorted out" cabinet.

Jesus wept.

No table for me, I guess.

In our house we call the "toss it on there until we're all sorted out" cabinet the Crapoire, like an armoire filled with crap.
We have one too! It's called the garage, and it looks just like that ALL OVER. Someone told me that garages were originally built to hold cars, but I really don't think so.
You will find it eventually. But it will unfortunately be in the last place you look.
Did you ever see the kids in the hall sketch about jesus being a bad carpenter? maybe it was you were invoking the wrong diety-you really needed somebody like Vulcan on your side he would have wrought you a table out of molten iron
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