Thursday, April 28, 2005


Could You Make Them Look A Little More, Like, Fake?

So shortly before The Mediocre Sushi Incident (or possibly shortly after, I don't know, I'm still traumatized) I was driving along in the car, listening to the news, when they read an item about someone who is manufacturing bras that make women look like they have implants.

Excuse me?

Allegedly, according to the spokesman for this company, "women more and more are seeking out this look". So it's now trendy to LOOK fake without being so?

I don't get it.

I mean I can (sort of) understand if a woman isn't particularly well-endowed that she would want bigger boobs, and I believe that everyone has the right to modify their body however they want to (apart from maybe that creepy Lizard Man who is actually modifying his entire body to look like a lizard's -- I was going to put a link here but dude, it's too gross even for me and I don't even want to think about the sites I ended up going to while doing a search and oh dog hold me or at least hold my hair back while I barf oh thank you WHY did I click on those links??) but really.

I thought that the whole idea behind getting implants was to try to make your boobs look bigger but NATURAL, and although they haven't succeeded so far, I wasn't aware that the FAKE look was now getting to be all the rage.

What's next? Is there going to be a wave of women running in to their doctors, weeping, "Oh doctor, my partner thinks that my vagina feels too natural! (S)he hates that it feels all like skin and mucous membrane and stuff ... could you possibly make it feel more fake?"

Yes. I can see it now. Vaginal vulcanization. Get in on the ground floor (so to speak) now! We could start a franchise operation, call the company "Twatomatic" or "Silisnatch" or something. Or hey! "The Rubber Womb"! I may just have a winner here.

I also think I've just thought of a new use for all of that fun fur yarn that everyone's whining about.


OK, that's three times in one post that you've made me go, "Ewwwwwww."
If you think the lizard man is gross. . . have you seen the cat guy, with implanted whiskers? Eeeew.

There's a whole generation of young adults raised on Baywatch who may not know what real breasts look like, and think breasts like ours are old-lady-saggy because they don't look like the magically bouncing, perfectly rounded balls that the porno chicks have. What, you mean there's not supposed to be a shadow ON TOP?
I know that the fake look was popular, but I thought it was a thing of the past. That lizard guy is awfully creepy. I watched a thing on Nat. Geographic where a guy got his tongue split (like a snake) and he did it without and anesthesia or numbing at all. They just took a scalpel to it. I could barely watch it. Anyway...
So saggy boobs might become the next new good thing?
If you come up with a good pattern for a knit vagina using fun fur I will totally make it! It'll go great with the penis pouch I crocheted last weekend. =)

Twatomatic nas a lovely ring to it.
someone beat you to it:

uh, not work safe, btw, but yeah, there's a pattern there for a knitted vulva. there you go. Now you really can use up that fun fur.
no I did not google for was on another blog I read... ;-)
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