Monday, January 31, 2005


Too Crazy To Take The Bus

I am asking, as a public service, on behalf of those of us who are still at least marginally functional: if you are too crazy to take the bus ... please, do not get on the bus.

My old van, as many of you know, has declined to participate in the great world of automotive travel of late, due to a deficiency in the water pump department and an active excess in the overheating department.

To wit, it overheats to frightening proportions on a journey as short as 4km (2.5 miles for those of our friends who have not yet embraced the metric system).

I'm not much interested in being blown up, and I have nothing whatsoever in the way of extra funds seeing our friends at Revenue Canada have decided that my money is, in fact THEIR money and they can boof my paycheque right up the butt any time they like. They refer to this as garnishment, however I have seen no parsley to speak of.

Therefore, for the time being and for the foreseeable future, I am going to be at the mercy of the public transit system.

This is not a bad thing. We have good buses. It takes me 19 minutes to get to work.

However, two days ago I was on the bus and this small troll-like lady was on one of the seats behind the driver. There was a vacant seat beside her, and a nice young international-student-type person sat down beside her. I guess this young lady accidentally touched the troll, who whipped around with frightening speed and screeched "DON'T TOUCH ME". The nice young lady who had sat down beside her said that she was sorry and that she hadn't meant to touch her. She was obviously distressed. The troll then screeched "I know, but DON'T TOUCH ME AGAIN".

I mean WTF? To each their own psychoses, but if you're going to take public transit, you're going to get people touching you. It's the way it works.

So, to all of you loonies out there, if you're too fucking special or crazy to let someone else accidentally touch you ... STAY OFF THE BUS. OK?

Next time you pull that shit I'm gonna walk up and lick your face. Warts and all.

ha! as someone who takes various forms of public transportation daily i say "bravo! bravo!" to the licking of the nutballs!!! well you can lick them...i'll lick my finger and touch them with it.
Unfortunately, that little scenerio probably traumatized the student so badly that SHE will be the one walking from now on.

Still, deserving or not, I don't think I could bring myself to lick the looney. Sure would love to see someone else do it though.
I love this story! I want to be this looney! So the next time I'm taking the bus, (which is like never because I live in a little hick town without buses, we are lucky we have the fucking wheel), I am going to turn around and say to everyone I see, STOP TOUCHING ME!!!
"Lick your face"! Bwahaha, you crack me up! If you DO have the opportunity to do this, please please please take a picture of the persons face right afterward so we can see the reaction! I rode the bus forever in Madison, and yes, all the loonies take public transit. It's very freaky at times. But hey, at least they're not driving!

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