Thursday, September 09, 2004


Watch it!

The English language is fascinating, ever-changing, glorious, and annoying as fuck. It especially annoys me when beautiful words such as surreptitious, insouciance and concupiscence fall into disuse, while words such as interface become verbs and simple tems such as "telephone conversation" become the assful contraction "telecon".

Wasn't that the name of One of Gary Numan's albums?

Anyhow, I was having a ... well, what were we having? I suppose seeing we were talking on the computer we were having a compucon ... or we would if we were the sort of lame bitches who would have any such thing.

Let's start that again.

Anyhow, I was having a CONVERSATION with my friend mica tonight and she mentioned that she had been snuggling on the couch with Chavo, watching The Apprentice.

I parsed her words as "watching the appliance".

This, to me, had a certain degree of elegance, some panache, a touch of je ne sais quoi. In short, it rocks. For far too long have people been allowed to refer to their televisions as if they were special -- of equal value to, say, the coffee maker. Not so. They are just an appliance, whereas coffee makers, when not bursting into flames, are actively saving lives.

I figure if other people can fuck around with English and make their silly words and phrases 'real', then I shall also. (Yes, I know. The ass words. Shut up.) Please henceforth refer to your television as "the appliance".

Thank you.

I turned the appliance off last night. I was doing three things at once - crocheting, reading an old letter, checking my site stats, watching "The Company" on the appliance and fretting - OK that's five. And I realized that the movie was just annoying me with its noise. So I turned it off. Begone, foul fiend.

There was blessed silence.

And so I focused on the fretting/reading/crocheting, which were all more important.

I think it was the noise of the machine more than the quality of the film that got me. I was actually enjoying the movie, which surprised me.
My expectations were not high going in.

I’m going to make a habit of turning off the appliance more often. The quiet was…refreshing.

We have far too many "appliances" in our home.....and yet not enough. Three televisions, all tuned to different channels, all emitting competing noises. Two young adult children, each with their own opinions on what is entertainment, each with their own television. And then there is the third television. The one that is usually annoyingly tuned to car renovation shows. Yes, it is hard to knit and still retain control of the remote. I have even taken to sitting on it or hiding it in my knitting bag. I need another "appliance" that stays tuned to the programs I want to watch.
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