Saturday, August 14, 2004


Spanking My Face With Mud

So I got home from work tonight, and Her Surreal Highness had somehow conned Daddy into letting her stay home from daycare today. It would seem that they had had a very good day, and her face was smeared with a whole lot of 'whatthefuck'. I think most of it was food. Anyhow, I asked her what it was and how she got to be quite so filthy and she calmly informed me that she had been "spanking her face with mud".

The evening continued on, as it often does, Chez Lapin, with some kick-assed pasta primavera. A big pan of peppers for my husband (I'm allergic) ...

And then of course all the yummy stuff in another pan, like yellow zucchini, carrots, broccoli, tomatoes and sunburst squash and, of course, a shitpile of garlic:

And a baked acorn squashythingie on the side:

Anyhow the pasta was very prima and vera good (forgive me):

Yes, I have a Christmas tablecloth. It's vinyl and easy to clean. Shut up.

Half-way through this delightful repast (all organic apart from the pasta, I hasten to add) there's this clickynoise at the mail slot. I go over to see what's arrived, assuming that Ed McMahon has finally decided that I AM a wiener after all and that all I have to do is answer a skill-testing question to claim my millions, and what do I find but a notice of rent increase.

What the fuck?

OK, we get a rent increase every year. No matter that I haven't had a raise in 11 years, that's my issue, not the issue of the company from whom I rent my admittedly good-sized (1250 square feet) and well-insulated abode. And it's a small rent increase of only $30 per month.

But really. Dude.

We moved in here two years ago. When we moved in I noted that there was no cover on the outside light at either the front or the back of the townhouse. I was assured that this would be rectified immediately. As of this writing there is no cover on either light. When we moved in there was also no doorbell, the previous tenant having had some sort of fancyassed doorbell that she liked and that she had taken with her. Fairynuff, said I, just gimme a plain old pushbutton bell for $4.99 from Ukranian Tire and I'll be happy. Two years later there is no bell. Every now and again someone gets cunning and realizes that they can make the house go dingdong by touching the bare wires together but really, that's hardly a doorbell. My doorknob doesn't fit

(and for the dirtyminded out there, you can Just. Stop. Thinking. That. Right. Now.) and I can actually see daylight around the fitting ... which means of course that my heat can also see that gap and escapes on a regular basis. Heat for which I pay from my unincreased-for-eleven-years salary. Not that this is an issue for me or anything.



But I digress.

My bathtub was new when I moved in, however if it gets too full it lets water out of that little drainything that the plug is usually (but not in this house) attached to, as do all bathtubs, and then because of some malfunction in the run-off pipe it drips through the kitchen ceiling down on top of the fridge and pools on the floor of the kitchen. This was also brought to the attention of the manager some time ago, like maybe oh, almost two years? We lived with the panel off and a bowl on top of the fridge for about a year or so until I said fuckit and put it back on.

It continues to drip upon the top of the fridge, the freezer compartment of which has a thoroughly inadequate seal. (Cans of frozen juice stay unfrozen for a day or more. I don't keep meat in there any more.)

We had a wasps' nest in the back yard (if I can laughingly refer to a 12' x 22' overgrown wasteland of weeds as a yard) a couple of weeks ago. Instead of calling an exterminator, the manager came and poured a 'bucket of poison' down the hole. This, only after two of us had called him about it. I have screens on my window but my neighbour doesn't and didn't much like being stung three times in one night by wasps who should have known better than to have been up that late. Wasps on crack! Up all night!

I have a small child and there are a truckload of little kids next door (198 I believe I mentioned) and so it's just not safe. It's just not a good idea to have an active wasps' nest out there. Anyhow, when the 'bucket of poison' didn't kill them all, he just took a shovel and covered it up with dirt.

Excuse me? Creatures that can build a nest UNDER my concrete patio slab can likely also get through 3" of dirt and live to sting another day. I'm just sayin'.

Anyhow, as you can tell by the foregoing, I'm a little peeved at being asked to pay a rent increase. I'm looking for a new home and I'm also seriously thinking about calling the management company and asking why they think it's ok to keep Spanking My Face With Mud.

Some days it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints.

On an amusing note, having gotten all of that off my abundant chest, there are a couple of sites that a pervert ... um, friend of mine directed me to last night. I read these and honestly, I was hurting by the end. I'm surprised I didn't moisten my undergarments, and I'm hardly old enough to require Depends. If it pleases you to do so, you might want to have a look at this or even that. Go to the bathroom before you click those links. Don't say I didn't warn you.

On the knitting front, I completed several rows of my friend's rabbit. I talked to her tonight and found that she's lost her hair from chemo. She's going to let her grandchildren fingerpaint her head so that they're not scared about it, which moves her about seventeen points up in my estimation, and she was pretty close to the top to start. She's sending me some yarn to make her a chemo cap, too. You can bet it's going to have rabbit ears on it. And she'll wear it . Hell, I wore cow slippers and a nightshirt with cows in party hats on it when I went to pick her up at Seatac four years ago in a car with no brakes with a ten-week-old-daughter in tow.

I'm working tomorrow and should be able to get an inch or two done on the Binkie of Bufonophobia (fear of toads). I shall report from the front as soon as I am able.

Those record covers are just tooooo funny!

Except that I own the one with the sock hop on it (or used to).
Thanks for the great laugh.
I love your blog - as if that matters !
wow you must really enjoy cooking cuz that looks like it takes lots of preperation. I'm just too lazy for that. I'm lucky I even made chicken spaghetti tonight. Bah i'm lazy.
Thank you Emma. It counts, believe me!

And Scornlady, yes, I love kooking. Um, cooking. It's my relaxation, when I'm not knitting or being a yarnho.
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