Wednesday, August 11, 2004


She's the Typo Queen ...

... young and keen, only seventeen (times two and a half).

I think we've all had embarrassing moments with typos, haven't we? Huh? HUH? Please tell me I'm not the only one here.

I've had a number of incidents during my so-called career (although I don't know anyone who would call 26 years of enforced clerical work a 'career', but that's for another rant) during which my occasional tendency to let my mind wander has not stood me in good stead.

For instance there was the time, way back before computers, when I had a 'Memowriter', you know, the kind of electronic typewriter that you could program to do form letters and then stopped typing when you had programmed it to do so, so you could add the pertinent information and then hit a key and it would finish the letter for you. Anyone who is over 35 likely remembers the Memowriters. For the youngsters in the crowd, believe me, at the time this was cutting-edge technology and enabled us poor 'secretaries' to go from turning out 10 letters a day to turning out over 100. (Thus rendering 9 of our compatriots jobless, but they likely all went on to get degrees and a REAL FUCKING CAREER instead of typing for dangleberries all the livelong day. But I'm not bitter.)

I did something like 105 letters one day which all included the phrase "Enclosed is information on our bling-dee-bla division, which we're sure you will find useless." Fortunately I caught that before they went out in the mail and had a good giggle over them. The bling-dee-bla division information was, in fact, useless to most of the people to whom these letters were addressed. At the time I was involved peripherally in the music business and that particular division dealt with mechanical rights for the works of 'art' they had registered with us. I can't think that a 900 year old man who had written a song called "Trees is Green" was really concerned about whether or not someone was going to use it in a movie or release it in in Europe somewhere.

But I digress. My boss didn't find it quite as amusing as I did and was emphatic that I should change the programmed letter before I sent them out.

Bitch. I'm quite sure that the Truth in Advertising laws would support my version of the letter over hers. But that was 20 years ago and I've learned to move on. No, really.

I have had a number of stupid typodeelies happen over the years since then, however I think that tonight I topped them all. I am, as you may find startling, a netjunkie, participating in numerous aspects of this interenet thingie. Something I love and always have, is IRC, or Internet Relay Chat.

I visit several different networks, DalNet, Starchat and Magicstar being the three I hang out on with the most frequency.

I was hanging tonight with some buds, and we were chatting about a person who comes to the channel and complains about his health problems on a regular basis. It's ok to complain, but he's ALWAYS got something terrible going on and it's ALWAYS about him. For instance, our channel founder mentioned to him that she had cancer and had to have about 1/3 of one of her hooters removed, plus some lymph nodes, and then she got 6 months of chemo, bone marrow replacement and then hormone replacement therapy. Big stuff, right? His response was "sorry" and then he went on to talk about how he might need physio on his shoulder and he just had to take care of himself and didn't have time left over for her problems.

How ... caring and helpful.

Anyhow, back to the typo thing, once he had left the channel there were three or four ladies left to bitch about him. I was doing my share (how startling) and then ... well ... here's how it went ... (B) is me.

-B- Well then, I think we should just kill h.
-B- it would be doing everyone a favour.
-E- yayyyyyyy, b!
* B is very practical
* E gets the shovel
-D- if we killed him..
-D- you know what would happen.
-D- first of all we would have to clean up the mess..
-D- then we would have to listen to the ghost..
-B- I know what would happen, D. We would clean up the mess, bury him, and then drink wine and do each other
-D- all those chains making noise..
-E- uh oh
-D- very annoying
-B- s hair and makeup

Now as anyone can tell, I meant to hit the ' rather than the return, however I was slightly drunk and the keys are close together and ... well ...

Yeah. We'd all drink wine and do each other.

I took about an hour's ribbing for that one, but I still think it's a good idea.

Okay, all together now: Let's misspell PUBLIC
That reminds me of the most hysterical typo I'll never forget.

This man was home recovering from some operation he had. He was doing physical therapy and talking about working out on a tredmill.

So he said that he was working out so hard that he stained himself.

but he really meant strained himself.

God that was the funniest thing I ever read. It still makes me giggle.
What would we have if we didn't have friends to make fun of us? Oh, right, unbruised egos, and higher self-esteem. LOL! That was too funny! :)
Right out of college I was a newspaper reporter and had a front page story about a murder, severed limbs, really gruesome. The typo (that I typed in and did not catch) said, "Mr. So-and-so was found with his heads, hands, and feet severed from his body."

Heads. Plural.

He was a demon, I suppose.

I remember those typewriters well.
Rabbitch, you are a riot. Too damn funny for words. I actually have made a short-cut to your blog cause you're more entertaining than the funnies and I don't want to miss an "issue".
Thank you for the kind words :)
I have had my fair share of typos. Usually they go through the instant messenger and so the Woman of scorn gives me hell. The heifer. Anyway, I hate those people like that! The ones that always have to be the center of attention. One of my 'best friends' is that way, and it drives me crazy. If you're doing something or have done something neat, she's done something ten times better. If you're hurting or in pain, she's in ten times more pain. If you're having a down week, she's suicidal. I mean it gets old REAL fast. bah. And then they wonder why some people get tired of hanging around them. HAH!
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