Saturday, August 21, 2004


The Lady With Her Finger on the Button

Never, ever annoy the lady with her finger on the button.

Not the big red button that, once pushed, will turn a small country (France,
I'm hoping) into a gently-glowing crater of radioactive delight. No, we're
talking about the even more important button. The "hold" button on the

When one does something something assful, there are two options. One is to admit to said assfulness and ask for assistance. The second option is to try and rip a new orifice for the nice lady on the phone, giving her the opportunity to post about it while seeing how many inappropriate words she can join to the word "ass" for her twisted amusement. You see, sometimes that nice lady on the phone isn't a nice lady, she is a Rabbitch.

We had a call tonight from an asstrumpet (can you tell which option this particular person chose?) who claims to have left cash in one of the offices, in payment of an invoice. The cash has never been seen and now assbubble is being called for payment of the invoice. Makes sense; we've never seen it and she has no way of proving it was left. And no, I didn't take it. Shut up.

She called asking for Security, because of course somehow they would know what happened to this money. Cash. Left in an envelope, slipped under a door of an office in a large public facility, more than likely under the watchful eye of 23 junkies and a whore. By an assweasel.

She went up one side of me and down the other and then did the same to the security supervisor, trying to find out who could be responsible for such a monumental fuck-up.

Free gift from the from the cluebasket, ma'am: The call is coming from inside the house.

So please, please, should you commit such an act of complete assery, try to avoid calling about it on my shift, because then I will not a) have to deal with you on my freakin' phone wondering why the office isn't open at 8:40 on a Friday night and b) have to restrain myself from telling you that it can hardly be my fault that you are an assflap.

If she calls again on Monday, I'm going to put her on hold, and leave her there until change of shift.

I actually laughed beer through my nose at "asstrumpet." You are the queen of ass-words. Thanks also for introducing me to "asshat."
I must admit while I was out calling my kids in,from God knows where, I found myself calling the guy across the street an ASSHAT for doing something Asshatish. This made me giggle to myself and made me think of more of your great ass words. Thanks for the entertainment, you are the Queen of Ass. LOL.
Michelle from Northern BC
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